As I could hardly make sense of the PM's presser today, I thought it might work as a children's book...
Scotty makes a word stew
Scotty had been having a bad time. It seemed nothing was going right and everyone was blaming him. Scotty didn't like this. Not one little bit! 1/
Scotty makes a word stew
Scotty had been having a bad time. It seemed nothing was going right and everyone was blaming him. Scotty didn't like this. Not one little bit! 1/
2/ But Scotty knew what to do. He'd hold a presser! He'd say lots and lots of words and put on his important face.
So he came out from his office at Bubbleworld, puffed himself up as everyone watched, and started to talk...
So he came out from his office at Bubbleworld, puffed himself up as everyone watched, and started to talk...
3/ ...and talk...and talk. Scotty said lots of words. He said things like "points of presence", and "an in principle disposition", "fast lanes, green lanes, priority lanes". The words got more and more mixed up. They started to turn into a stew...
4/ The people listening got more and more confused because Scotty was making no sense. The more he puffed himself up and the more words he said, the more messy the word stew became. It started to turn into a very ooey- gooey, not-quite-truey, excuses stew.
5/ But this didn't stop Scotty. He liked excuses because nothing was ever his fault. He was ALWAYS doing a good job, no matter how bad things seemed. He knew a word stew would probably do the trick. And if an ooey-goey, not-quite-truey, excuses stew didn't quite work...
6/ ...then he'd just tell the people that they'd misunderstood him. That always worked really well.
And just to make sure the ooey-goey word stew did the trick, for all the people listening at home, the sound was turned off when Scotty was asked questions, so no-one...
And just to make sure the ooey-goey word stew did the trick, for all the people listening at home, the sound was turned off when Scotty was asked questions, so no-one...
7/ ...knew what the questions were.
Scotty felt very proud of himself and of his word stew.
But the people watching at home were starting to realise that Scotty's word stew didn't sound very good and it probably didn't taste very good either.
We don't know yet how this...
Scotty felt very proud of himself and of his word stew.
But the people watching at home were starting to realise that Scotty's word stew didn't sound very good and it probably didn't taste very good either.
We don't know yet how this...
8/8 ...story ends. Will the people at home decide they just didn't like word stew and they don't really like Scotty very much?
This part of the story is still waiting to be written.
This part of the story is still waiting to be written.
And yes, I should acknowledge the inspiration provided by Wombat Stew, authored by Marcia Vaughan. Word stew is a very pale imitation...
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