So here's a little tip for you. Never say @Soundsaboutleft's name five times or he'll come in here and annoy the crap out of you.
He'll start singing "The Candyman can" and will throw sweets at you...but the sucky kind.
#Candyman #candymanmovie #candymanreview
He'll start singing "The Candyman can" and will throw sweets at you...but the sucky kind.
#Candyman #candymanmovie #candymanreview
Candyman stars the INSANELY talented @TonyTodd54. I mean that dude is legit horror royalty.
Like that dude should be in every horror movie ever.
Like that dude should be in every horror movie ever.
Now a lot of you will be thinking "Hey. Why are you posting a review about this? Are you just jumping on the bandwagon in hopes of getting some easy followers?"
Yes. Yes I am.
Yes. Yes I am.
And also realize I freaking love this movie. Any poking fun is out of love because this is legit one of my favorite horror movies ever.
We get shots of Chicago...not SHOTS in...ya know what. I'm going to avoid that.
Ah, crap, I should have not started it. Man.
How do I delete this fucking thing?
Ah, crap, I should have not started it. Man.
How do I delete this fucking thing?
We get a synth choir playing over credits and GTA 1 graphics.
We get a voice over from Tony Todd with his voice that just...oof.
That dude is so freaking talented.
"What's blood for if not for shedding." I mean...shit. That right there tells you this movie is going to be awesome.
That dude is so freaking talented.
"What's blood for if not for shedding." I mean...shit. That right there tells you this movie is going to be awesome.
We then see a billion bees take over Chicago and they are now our overlords.
Good luck getting chicago style pizza without getting stung.
And you New Yorkers. There's your easy set up for a joke.
Good luck getting chicago style pizza without getting stung.
And you New Yorkers. There's your easy set up for a joke.
We cut to Helen. She's listening to someone tell an Urban Legend.
Robert Englund is leading the cla...wait. Sorry. Wrong horror movie.
Robert Englund is leading the cla...wait. Sorry. Wrong horror movie.
The urban legend is about a babysitter. She's watching a kid and Ted Raimi (@tedraimi) swings by looking all badass.
She takes him into the bathroom after stripping a bit and then...she gives exposition about Candyman.
She takes him into the bathroom after stripping a bit and then...she gives exposition about Candyman.
Basically. If you look in a mirror and say Candyman five times, a hook-handed Tony Todd will appear behind you.
Ted Raimi says Candyman a bunch while we get PG-rated touching in the mirror.
He says it four times and then stops.
He says it four times and then stops.
She gets all hot and tells him to go downstairs. We see him sitting down like Ted Bundy drinking a booze.
She says Candyman one last time. Candyman appears and kills her and the kid.
Ted Raimi got away and went crazy...then went to have a part in Wishmaster.
She says Candyman one last time. Candyman appears and kills her and the kid.
Ted Raimi got away and went crazy...then went to have a part in Wishmaster.
Helen walks into another classroom where another kid was telling a trite urban legend we've all heard. He's telling Anne this stuff.
We cut to Xander Berkeley teaching a class on Urban Legends. Robert Englund walks in and goes "Can anyone tell me about Mickey...Ah, shit. Wrong movie set!"
Seriously, Urban Legends...you didn't even pretend.
Seriously, Urban Legends...you didn't even pretend.
Xander is telling college students about urban legends. Then...the bell rings and he tells them "That's lunch."
Uh. No. Some of those students will be going to another class...or home or to do crank.
Lunch time isn't a col...ah who cares.
Uh. No. Some of those students will be going to another class...or home or to do crank.
Lunch time isn't a col...ah who cares.
Xander is chatting with his students afterward. One girl in particular because Xander is a bastard man.
Oh...and he's Helen's husband.
She knows he's cheating on her because he's not even trying.
She knows he's cheating on her because he's not even trying.
Though, he gaslights the shit out of her.
Helen is pissed because he is teaching an urban legend class when she and her friend (Anne-Marie) are working on an urban legend something or other.
We then get sweet early 90s computer screen action.
Hot.
Hot.
Helen is working on her transcribing when a cleaning lady walks in.
She hears the girl talking about Candyman.
The Cleaning Lady gives a bit more exposition.
She talks about her friend who lives at en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabrini%E…
She hears the girl talking about Candyman.
The Cleaning Lady gives a bit more exposition.
She talks about her friend who lives at en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabrini%E…
The cleaning lady brings in Kitty (her friend).
She tells a story about a woman who calls 911 and the cops don't believe the woman that someone was breaking into her place via the wall.
Later the cops come by and find her ganked.
This is based on a real story.
She tells a story about a woman who calls 911 and the cops don't believe the woman that someone was breaking into her place via the wall.
Later the cops come by and find her ganked.
This is based on a real story.
No. Seriously. This happened.
looper.com/429336/the-ter…
I mean not the Candyman being summoned, but someone broke into someone's house with a medicine cabinet that went b/w the ...just read. It's disturbing.
looper.com/429336/the-ter…
I mean not the Candyman being summoned, but someone broke into someone's house with a medicine cabinet that went b/w the ...just read. It's disturbing.
Helen goes to the library to research it. She realizes that having fun isn't hard if you have a library card.
Also. This was the early 90s and the internet wasn't really a thing.
Also. This was the early 90s and the internet wasn't really a thing.
Helen shows Anne her findings and Anne was disturbed by it.
We find out about Cabrini-Green and some of the violence that goes on there.
There's a whole lot of stuff about that I won't even try to get into.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabrini%E…
We find out about Cabrini-Green and some of the violence that goes on there.
There's a whole lot of stuff about that I won't even try to get into.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabrini%E…
We also find out that Helen's ritzy condo was built as public housing, but, the city, realized there was no "barrier to the Gold Coast."
So...they fancified the place and sold the condos to rich, white people.
So...they fancified the place and sold the condos to rich, white people.
We also see that Helen's medicine cabinet can be removed and you can access her neighbor's apartment.
Like...she can push it in and ...okay. She pushes it in. I guess the apartment is vacant.
Like...she can push it in and ...okay. She pushes it in. I guess the apartment is vacant.
Again. I won't go into all kinds of socio-economic issues or anything else related because I'm just an idiot who live reviews movies poorly.
So...Helen and Anne decide to say Candyman's name five times.
Only Helen says it five times.
Anne, rightly, nopes out of that shit.
Only Helen says it five times.
Anne, rightly, nopes out of that shit.
Can I point out that I was terrified of saying names into the mirror due to Bloody Mary. THIS MOVIE made it so I would never try it because FUCKKKKKK THAT!
Xander jump scares his wife because he's drunk and DTF.
Guess he thinks she'll get a fear boner...but the female variety.
Guess he thinks she'll get a fear boner...but the female variety.
Helen decides to drive over to Cabrini-Green with Anne.
Anne is scared about the gangs controlling it.
Helen, being the lame suburban white lady she is, doesn't think she can be hurt.
Like...that sums up a lot of people these days. "I can't be hurt no matter what."
Anne is scared about the gangs controlling it.
Helen, being the lame suburban white lady she is, doesn't think she can be hurt.
Like...that sums up a lot of people these days. "I can't be hurt no matter what."
Helen tells Anne they need to do it to make their paper really cool.
Anne, reluctantly, agrees.
Anne, reluctantly, agrees.
Helen pulls up to see several people hanging outside.
I mean...they're making us believe they're in a gang, but you never know.
This is early 90s American cinema.
I mean...they're making us believe they're in a gang, but you never know.
This is early 90s American cinema.
Helen and Anne get catcalled and harassed by a bunch of dudes.
They think they're the police.
Hey, this is the movie that taught me 5-0.
So they call out and warn everyone Cagney & Lacey are about.
They think they're the police.
Hey, this is the movie that taught me 5-0.
So they call out and warn everyone Cagney & Lacey are about.
They wonder into this building with like...they're trespassing.
I'm just saying.
They don't live there. They don't know anyone there. They just waltz in and start taking photos and shit.
I'm just saying.
They don't live there. They don't know anyone there. They just waltz in and start taking photos and shit.
A woman opens her door and gives Helen the best "FUCK OFF" look ever.
I like that woman. She's great.
Helen fucks off elsewhere instead of taking photos of that woman's door.
I like that woman. She's great.
Helen fucks off elsewhere instead of taking photos of that woman's door.
They wander around until they find the place where the woman mentioned before was butchered.
Helen just barges in all like "I'm a white lady...nothing bad can happen to me. I don't need a mask, either."
Helen just barges in all like "I'm a white lady...nothing bad can happen to me. I don't need a mask, either."
They open up the medicine cabinet where the person broke into this poor woman's apartment and Helen is like.
"I'm going in there!! Nothing will happen to me. I don't need a vaccine either!!! Also, where's my god damn pumpkin spice latte?"
"I'm going in there!! Nothing will happen to me. I don't need a vaccine either!!! Also, where's my god damn pumpkin spice latte?"
Helen is Karening the shit out of this place.
I don't know about you, but abandoned apartment where a murder took place isn't my kind of scene.
Helen, though, is taking selfies and shit.
I don't know about you, but abandoned apartment where a murder took place isn't my kind of scene.
Helen, though, is taking selfies and shit.
Anne waits for Helen to return and, honestly, Anne...it's okay to leave her ass there.
Helen climbs through another hole and holy shit is this graffiti amazing.
(I freaking love this movie)
(I freaking love this movie)
Helen stares at the graffiti and even she is a little freaked out.
She coughs "Ugh. It's just a cold. I'll get some Vitamin C and zinc."
She coughs "Ugh. It's just a cold. I'll get some Vitamin C and zinc."
She looks down and sees a pile of candy.
She bends down and unwraps one. It's a razor de chocolate special.
She bends down and unwraps one. It's a razor de chocolate special.
Helen then jump scares Anne for NO GOD DAMN REASON.
She has run out of film.
Helen wants to get more, but Anne, rightly, says "Fuck no. We're leaving."
She has run out of film.
Helen wants to get more, but Anne, rightly, says "Fuck no. We're leaving."
They close the medicine cabinet and see the woman from before who gave them the fuck off look.
She lays into them and rightly so.
Helen goes "HEre's my card. Tell me your stories. I'll write a book and make money off you."
She lays into them and rightly so.
Helen goes "HEre's my card. Tell me your stories. I'll write a book and make money off you."
The woman goes to check up on her baby and...Helen just barges into her god damn apartment!!!!
I mean..I guess she let her in, but damn woman.
The woman hammers Helen. Saying that she might perceive everyone there as drug addicts, dealers, etc. but most aren't.
And holy fuck am I an idiot.
This is Anne-Marie.
The woman hammers Helen. Saying that she might perceive everyone there as drug addicts, dealers, etc. but most aren't.
And holy fuck am I an idiot.
This is Anne-Marie.
God dammit I'm an idiot.
Bernadette is her friends name. They only said her name once and I missed it.
Remember I'm an idiot.
Bernadette is her friends name. They only said her name once and I missed it.
Remember I'm an idiot.
Anne Marie tells Helen and Bernadette about the woman butchered.
*Bernadette*
See. Anne Marie heard the murder and says Candyman did it.
Bernadette. I'm an idiot and mixed up the names from the wiki page.
Apparently, I should read summaries and not assume that the second female lead would be the second female name in the list.
Apparently, I should read summaries and not assume that the second female lead would be the second female name in the list.
We cut to a dinner with Stephen Fry???
No. That's Michael Culkin. Huh. I'm amazed at his skill at playing Benjamin Franklin cosplaying Stephen Fry and a kid who creates jigsaw-like traps.
No. That's Michael Culkin. Huh. I'm amazed at his skill at playing Benjamin Franklin cosplaying Stephen Fry and a kid who creates jigsaw-like traps.
This is Professor Culkin. He's THE expert on Candyman.
She says he'll review their work and Helen takes offense to his snark about her work.
She says he'll review their work and Helen takes offense to his snark about her work.
Culkin isn't impressed by their Cabrini-Green connection. He wrote a paper a decade before.
He asks if she knows the legend of Candyman. Helen doesn't.
Uh. How have you not done even basic research on the legend and then want to write a pa...whatever.
He asks if she knows the legend of Candyman. Helen doesn't.
Uh. How have you not done even basic research on the legend and then want to write a pa...whatever.
Professor Culkin Fry tells us that Candyman was the son of a slave. His father was a rich man who had invented a device for making lots of shoes.
Candyman, because of that, was well educated and a talented artist.
Candyman, because of that, was well educated and a talented artist.
Candyman was hired to paint a rich guy's daughter.
They (Candyman and the daughter...not him and the rich guy...though...) fell in love and she became pregnant.
They (Candyman and the daughter...not him and the rich guy...though...) fell in love and she became pregnant.
Of course, the rich guy is PISSSSEEDDD that his daughter was in a relationship with an African-American.
The rich guy paid people to...uh...oof.
They took him to the spot where Cabrini-Green was built and they brutally murdered him. Lynched.
The rich guy paid people to...uh...oof.
They took him to the spot where Cabrini-Green was built and they brutally murdered him. Lynched.
Hell. Not only did they chop off parts of him, they covered him in honey and bees.
Then burnt and they scattered his ashes over Cabrini-Green.
Then burnt and they scattered his ashes over Cabrini-Green.
Man. I would like to say that people aren't pissed about this kind of stuff these days, but
*gestures*
People still have horrendous ideas on ...
Ugh.
I'm just going to bail out of this commentary because I'll just fuck it up.
*gestures*
People still have horrendous ideas on ...
Ugh.
I'm just going to bail out of this commentary because I'll just fuck it up.
Helen goes back to Anne-Marie's place and she's not there.
There is, however, a kid named Jake.
Helen tries to manipulate the kid in order for him to tell her about Candyman.
There is, however, a kid named Jake.
Helen tries to manipulate the kid in order for him to tell her about Candyman.
She literally does the "Unless you're scared, you'll show me stuff related to Candyman."
You're manipulated a kid, Helen. You got issues.
They then walk outside and walk past a pile of stuff for a future party bonfire. FORESHADOWING!!!
You're manipulated a kid, Helen. You got issues.
They then walk outside and walk past a pile of stuff for a future party bonfire. FORESHADOWING!!!
They go to this outdoor bathroom building and supposedly Candyman is in there.
Jake says that a boy was killed in there.
We get a flashback of the kid screaming and the mom seeing it and holy shit.
The kid was...uh...his ...uhh...bits were cut off.
WTF.
Jake says that a boy was killed in there.
We get a flashback of the kid screaming and the mom seeing it and holy shit.
The kid was...uh...his ...uhh...bits were cut off.
WTF.
Helen, hearing this story, is like "Cool. I'm going to go into this public bathroom and take photos!!"
She goes in and it looks like every Man's Arby's bathroom ever.
She's gag at the smell and taking selfies.
She posts it #SwampAssSelfies
She goes in and it looks like every Man's Arby's bathroom ever.
She's gag at the smell and taking selfies.
She posts it #SwampAssSelfies
She opens up a toilet and it's...FILLED WITH BEES!
I mean I've had some bad experiences, but I've never shat out bees before.
It's felt like it, but they never manifested as bees.
I mean I've had some bad experiences, but I've never shat out bees before.
It's felt like it, but they never manifested as bees.
Outside the kid sees "Candyman."
Inside the bathroom a Fake Candyman walks in.
Pfft. You're no Tony Todd.
Inside the bathroom a Fake Candyman walks in.
Pfft. You're no Tony Todd.
Fake Candyman pulls out a meat hook and his friends join him.
They grab Helen. She starts Karening the dick out of this "Do you know who I am? I have friends!!"
Fake Candyman beats her up.
They grab Helen. She starts Karening the dick out of this "Do you know who I am? I have friends!!"
Fake Candyman beats her up.
The kid walks in to help Helen. What a cool kid.
We cut to a police lineup.
Where they have them repeat the line "We hear you're looking for Candyman, bitch."
Helen looks fuckkkkeeeedddd up.
Where they have them repeat the line "We hear you're looking for Candyman, bitch."
Helen looks fuckkkkeeeedddd up.
She points out the Fake Candyman.
Turns out the police had picked him up as a suspect.
Turns out they suspected him in several murders. Fake Candyman.
Turns out the police had picked him up as a suspect.
Turns out they suspected him in several murders. Fake Candyman.
They want Helen to testify against him.
She agrees.
See. Otherwise they'd have to use Jake as a witness.
She agrees.
See. Otherwise they'd have to use Jake as a witness.
Jake is scared because he's freaked out by Candyman coming after him.
Helen says he's fake. Like Santa or the Easter Bunny or a GQP member who isn't a traitor.
Helen says he's fake. Like Santa or the Easter Bunny or a GQP member who isn't a traitor.
Xander comes home and Helen looks much better. She has dinner and booze ready for him.
Shit. Why would you ever cheat on that???
Shit. Why would you ever cheat on that???
We cut to Helen meeting Bernadette and she's trying to see how she is.
Bernadette has the pictures Helen had taken that were destroyed...her friend was able to get a friend to salvage most of them.
Bernadette has the pictures Helen had taken that were destroyed...her friend was able to get a friend to salvage most of them.
It should also be pointed out that the police lock down Cabrini-Green because a white woman was attacked.
She's also going to be published because the local publishers are interested...since she was a white woman attacked in a "bad neighborhood."
I mean.
*gestures*
She's also going to be published because the local publishers are interested...since she was a white woman attacked in a "bad neighborhood."
I mean.
*gestures*
We're in a parking lot and holy crap it's this scene.
HOLY CRAP.
There's Tony Todd. Walking menacingly towards her and if this dude didn't make you shit yourself just a little bit...you're broken.
HOLY CRAP.
There's Tony Todd. Walking menacingly towards her and if this dude didn't make you shit yourself just a little bit...you're broken.
Tony Todd uses that insanely amazing voice and calls for Helen.
He stands far away from her and just...exudes menace.
He stands far away from her and just...exudes menace.
I saw this movie as a kid. I was maybe 11 or 12 and it messed me up a little.
Candyman says he's come for her.
He walks towards her...
OKAY. THIS IS DURING THE DAY AND HE'S SCARY. THIS MOVIE MAKES DAYTIME FEAR HAPPEN!
He walks towards her...
OKAY. THIS IS DURING THE DAY AND HE'S SCARY. THIS MOVIE MAKES DAYTIME FEAR HAPPEN!
Candyman has hypnotized her and is there to say "Be my victim."
hahahaha...fuck this is awesome.
hahahaha...fuck this is awesome.
His voice talks over bees and we cut to Helen passed out.
What the shit.
There's blood everywhere and someone is screaming.
Helen pulls back a coat and she's covered in blood.
THIS is how you do horror!
What the shit.
There's blood everywhere and someone is screaming.
Helen pulls back a coat and she's covered in blood.
THIS is how you do horror!
She opens the door and we see a dead dog's head.
There's a meat cleaver. Helen picks it up as a woman screams.
Inside Anne-Marie's kid's bedroom she's HOLY SHIT.
There's a meat cleaver. Helen picks it up as a woman screams.
Inside Anne-Marie's kid's bedroom she's HOLY SHIT.
It's covered in blood. I mean Evil Dead levels of blood. Her kid is dead.
Helen calls out for her and Anne-Marie attacks her AND RIGHTLY SO!!!
Helen calls out for her and Anne-Marie attacks her AND RIGHTLY SO!!!
Helen uses the cleaver on Anne-Marie and holds it up again menacingly and screams for her to stop.
The police kick in the door right then. They point their guns at Helen.
The police kick in the door right then. They point their guns at Helen.
Honestly, I'm amazed the cops didn't just arrest Anne-Marie.
Instead, they take Helen into custody.
Instead, they take Helen into custody.
We cut to a female cop having Helen take off her blood-soaked clothes.
There is soooo much freaking blood.
There is soooo much freaking blood.
Helen is confused as she's told to strip. She wants a shower and this scene has always been a bit difficult to watch.
Like Helen is so confused by what's happening.
Like Helen is so confused by what's happening.
We cut to Helen being interrogated.
She's under arrest and the detective (Detective Valento I believe. Played by Gilgert Lewis. I remember him as The King of Cartoons on Pee Wee.)
She's under arrest and the detective (Detective Valento I believe. Played by Gilgert Lewis. I remember him as The King of Cartoons on Pee Wee.)
We find out that Anne-Marie came home to her dog dead and her kid missing (but blood EVERYWHERE).
She then says she was then attacked by Helen.
They ask where the baby is. Like...damnn.
She then says she was then attacked by Helen.
They ask where the baby is. Like...damnn.
We cut to her making a phone call to try and get Xander.
He's not picking up.
She leaves a voicemail that she's been arrested and needs him to get her.
He's not picking up.
She leaves a voicemail that she's been arrested and needs him to get her.
I'm back. Some dude was outside screaming "Candyman" into a mirror. I was able to clock him with a beer bottle on the third iteration.
Helen is in a jail cell and hallucinating about the baby being in that room the murders happened in and it's implied Candyman...shanks the kid.
This movie pulls no punches.
This movie pulls no punches.
Xander picks up Helen. Helen, her lawyer (I assume), and Xander push their way through the press.
Helen has a coat on.
Like...the media is wayyy too nice about Helen.
Again. Not a surprise since Helen is a rich, white lady.
Helen has a coat on.
Like...the media is wayyy too nice about Helen.
Again. Not a surprise since Helen is a rich, white lady.
The lawyer tells them the cops are holding off on finding the body in order to charge her with more crimes.
Man. Imagine if she wasn't a rich, white woman. She'd be rotting in jail right now.
The media would dig up all dirt on her.
Instead? Chilling at home.
Man. Imagine if she wasn't a rich, white woman. She'd be rotting in jail right now.
The media would dig up all dirt on her.
Instead? Chilling at home.
We cut to Helen taking a bath and Xander walking in.
Like. Xander is totally justified in not wanting to talk to her, but he kisses her and has to leave.
Helen asks Xander where he was.
Like. Xander is totally justified in not wanting to talk to her, but he kisses her and has to leave.
Helen asks Xander where he was.
Ya know, Helen, you have bigger problems than your husband cheating on you.
Like the fact you were covered in dog blood and attacked a mother with a cleaver and they suspect you took a kid.
And...boobs.
Okay. Young me LOVED this movie for a lot of reasons.
Like the fact you were covered in dog blood and attacked a mother with a cleaver and they suspect you took a kid.
And...boobs.
Okay. Young me LOVED this movie for a lot of reasons.
Helen then gets a beer out of the fridge...ugh.
Poor thing. Gets arrested and has to drink a budweiser?
That's just too much.
Poor thing. Gets arrested and has to drink a budweiser?
That's just too much.
Helen looks at some slides that were taken in one of those ...ya know...slide projectors.
Man. Film before digital was such a bitch to look at.
Man. Film before digital was such a bitch to look at.
Helen finds one image that looks...wonky.
Like something ominous about HOLY SHIT CANDYMAN IS IN THE PHOTO!!!!
Like something ominous about HOLY SHIT CANDYMAN IS IN THE PHOTO!!!!
Like if I looked at a photo of myself and some dude who has been haunting me was in it...I'd just get in a car and drive and never stop.
Like...no fucking way I'd stay in Chicago.
Like...no fucking way I'd stay in Chicago.
Which brings up a valid question. What if you drove to like...Seattle.
Does Candyman have to jump a midnight train GOING ANYWHEREE!!!!
Does Candyman have to jump a midnight train GOING ANYWHEREE!!!!
Helen goes to her medicine cabinet and the BIGGEST HOOK EVER SMASHES THROUGH THE MIRROR.
She runs outside and Candyman is waiting for her in the hallway.
OH SHIT. HE'S BEHIND YOU!!!
She runs outside and Candyman is waiting for her in the hallway.
OH SHIT. HE'S BEHIND YOU!!!
He asks if she believes in him.
He also says she can save the baby if she goes with him.
Oh, shit.
See. Her disbelief in him affected him.
He has to kill her to make people believe in him again.
Like. This ..HOLY SHIT THAT HOOK IN HER NECK!!
He also says she can save the baby if she goes with him.
Oh, shit.
See. Her disbelief in him affected him.
He has to kill her to make people believe in him again.
Like. This ..HOLY SHIT THAT HOOK IN HER NECK!!
Bernadette rings the doorbell and has flowers.
Helen is in her kitchen bleeding out of a wound gently trying to tell her to leave.
She collapses.
Helen is in her kitchen bleeding out of a wound gently trying to tell her to leave.
She collapses.
Like imagine this shit. You know if your friend comes in, she dies.
Bernadette comes in and the door slams shut.
She freezes as Candyman ganks the shit out of her.
Holy fuck!
Bernadette comes in and the door slams shut.
She freezes as Candyman ganks the shit out of her.
Holy fuck!
Xander comes in and sees Helen on the floor with a butcher knife. Helen and the blade are covered in blood.
We cut to Helen in her bed. She's cuffed and a cop is watching her.
She runs out of her room and we see cops, Xander, and Bernadette butchered.
She runs out of her room and we see cops, Xander, and Bernadette butchered.
Candyman taunts Helen. Wondering why she wants to live and monologuing all kinds of sinister shit.
Even him whispering is menacing.
Even him whispering is menacing.
So I guess the kid is alive, but Helen has to sacrifice herself to save him.
We cut to Helen being pushed through the hospital.
Xander is holding her hand at first and stops at the entrance and leaves her to scream after him.
Like. This movie could be about a person having a mental breakdown and killing people and it would be insanely cool, too.
Xander is holding her hand at first and stops at the entrance and leaves her to scream after him.
Like. This movie could be about a person having a mental breakdown and killing people and it would be insanely cool, too.
Helen is strapped to a bed and left in there by herself...still covered in her best friend's blood.
That's gotta reek.
That's gotta reek.
Candyman appears and hovers over her.
He asks for a kiss.
Helen freaks and orderlies come in thinking she's crazy as she mumbles about Candyman.
They drug her.
He asks for a kiss.
Helen freaks and orderlies come in thinking she's crazy as she mumbles about Candyman.
They drug her.
Like Helen, no matter what, is completely screwed. If she somehow defeats Candyman, she still has 2 murders (the baby is missing) pinned on her.
Then we see Candyman feed blood to the baby. Okay. What parent let their baby be in this?
Just saying. God damn.
Just saying. God damn.
Helen is put into a wheelchair by orderlies and they start pushing her through the hospital.
She's taken into Dr. Burke's office.
I swear I've seen this dude in something. I gotta google.
She's taken into Dr. Burke's office.
I swear I've seen this dude in something. I gotta google.
That's it. Entourage. He was...I...I just admitted I watched Entourage.
We find out that Helen has been locked up for a month.
She's been out of it since she's been heavily medicated.
Dr. Burke is trying to asses if she's mentally competent to stand trial for 1st degree ganking.
She's been out of it since she's been heavily medicated.
Dr. Burke is trying to asses if she's mentally competent to stand trial for 1st degree ganking.
We see video of Helen in the room screaming about Candyman and she's the only one in the video.
She's starting to think she's going crazy and that Candyman isn't real.
She's starting to think she's going crazy and that Candyman isn't real.
Though, she starts to say she couldn't have done it.
Like...rationalizing.
She says she can prove it by calling his name 5 times.
DON'T DO THAT SHIT!!
Like...rationalizing.
She says she can prove it by calling his name 5 times.
DON'T DO THAT SHIT!!
SHE DOES IT....she freaking says his name five times.
Uh...does that make 2 Candyman appear? Candymen?
Does Candyman get twice as strong??
Uh...does that make 2 Candyman appear? Candymen?
Does Candyman get twice as strong??
Dr Burke looks on like he doesn't believe. That look lasts until Candyman takes a hook and rips it from asshole to neck in his back.
Holy shit that was awesome!!!
Holy shit that was awesome!!!
Candyman cuts her bindings and yeets the fuck out.
Helen escapes out the window. She knocks on a window. When a nurse opens it, she knocks the nurse out, strips her, and puts on her scrubs.
Helen. Uh. You're just hurting so many innocent people.
Helen. Uh. You're just hurting so many innocent people.
Helen runs to her place.
We get a "Please be home Trevor" dub.
She goes to her apartment and the door is open.
We get a "Please be home Trevor" dub.
She goes to her apartment and the door is open.
Inside there is a new coat of paint as all teh furniture is covered up.
They're painting the whole place pink and have pink furniture.
EWWWWW.
That's worse than anything Candyman did. Pink interior color with pink furniture? YOU'RE TEH WORST!
They're painting the whole place pink and have pink furniture.
EWWWWW.
That's worse than anything Candyman did. Pink interior color with pink furniture? YOU'RE TEH WORST!
So the person doing that is Stacey, Xander's student.
She screams and Xander comes in "What's wrong, sweetie?"
I KNEW IT, XANDER! YOU BASTARD!
She screams and Xander comes in "What's wrong, sweetie?"
I KNEW IT, XANDER! YOU BASTARD!
Bernadette's body isn't even cold and you've got another woman in your house?
Xander wants to call the cops, but Helen intimidates the shit out of them.
She, rightly, says the new color scheme sucks ass.
She, rightly, says the new color scheme sucks ass.
Helen lays into Xander.
I mean Xander thinks she's crazy (and rightly so), but that's still no excuse to be all up in your student within a month...and have her living with you and painting it dumb colors.
Pink? Ugh.
I mean Xander thinks she's crazy (and rightly so), but that's still no excuse to be all up in your student within a month...and have her living with you and painting it dumb colors.
Pink? Ugh.
Yeah. I'm going off on the pink. Pink is a lousy inside color. I know this because...well...let's just say I spent good money replacing that nasty ass color in a previous house.
Helen starts to break down because she realizes she has nothing left.
She's giving up.
She's giving up.
Xander eyes the phone as Stacey cries in the corner.
Helen, realizing she has nothing (as mentioned before), leaves.
Helen, realizing she has nothing (as mentioned before), leaves.
Helen stares out over teh Chicago river. Uh. It's not St. Patrick's Day. They haven't dyed it green.
It's still the same shit brown color it always was back in the early 90s.
It's still the same shit brown color it always was back in the early 90s.
Candyman tells her that there's no point to it all. Everyone has abandoned her.
All she has left is his desire for her...his for her to be his victim.
LIKE CANDYMAN IS STRAIGHT UP MIND FUCKING HER.
It's so freaking intense.
All she has left is his desire for her...his for her to be his victim.
LIKE CANDYMAN IS STRAIGHT UP MIND FUCKING HER.
It's so freaking intense.
Helen goes back to Cabrini-Green and she has like zero fucks left to give.
She goes back into that murder apartment through the medicine cabinet.
Again. I would have just driven to like...New Orleans.
Good luck following me there, Candyman!!
She goes back into that murder apartment through the medicine cabinet.
Again. I would have just driven to like...New Orleans.
Good luck following me there, Candyman!!
Helen walks in and it's covered in candles and...there's a meat hook ambiance that ...okay. It legit works and adds to the pants-shitting aesthetic Candyman is going for.
Helen goes up into the ROOM OF THE GOLDEN IDOLS!
Whoever did the set design in this movie should have won an Oscar or whatever the hell they give out for that. Do...do they do oscars?
Helen moves forward and we see a beautiful mural ...that's of Candyman's brutal murder.
We see Candyman lying on a table...asleep. What does Candyman have nightmares about?
Legit question?
Legit question?
Helen meat hooks Candyman and he wakes up all happy she did it.
Like...I think it's his kink.
Like...I think it's his kink.
Helen makes a deal. Her life for the baby.
Candyman lifts her up and she's like in a weird almost-paralysis state.
Candyman says her death will..uhh..be painful.
Candyman lifts her up and she's like in a weird almost-paralysis state.
Candyman says her death will..uhh..be painful.
He says that both of them shall be immortal. Painted and remembered as monsters.
So we know why she was set up by Candyman. She'll be his immortal bride of brutali...
IS HIS FUCKING CHEST AND MOUTH FULL OF BEES????
So we know why she was set up by Candyman. She'll be his immortal bride of brutali...
IS HIS FUCKING CHEST AND MOUTH FULL OF BEES????
Helen is stung by the bees and Candyman picks up the baby.
Uh...hmm...
Again. It's a good thing a baby can't remember this shit, else they'd become Dexter.
Uh...hmm...
Again. It's a good thing a baby can't remember this shit, else they'd become Dexter.
Helen wakes up and picks up the meat hook.
She's confused and starts to look around.
Bees keep stinging the dick out of her.
She's confused and starts to look around.
Bees keep stinging the dick out of her.
She sees text painted on the moral. "It was always you Helen."
And we see the daughter who Candyman fell in love with.
It's like...her or something? Like a reincarnation thing?
And we see the daughter who Candyman fell in love with.
It's like...her or something? Like a reincarnation thing?
Helen hears the baby and goes out.
She sees the baby in the pile of broken wood for teh bonfire.
She climbs up it and this shit makes the crate challenge a breeze.
She sees the baby in the pile of broken wood for teh bonfire.
She climbs up it and this shit makes the crate challenge a breeze.
The kid Jake sees Helen, the hook, and the baby.
He can tell others about what he...
HOLY SHIT THEY HAVE GASOLINE AND A TORCH.
He can tell others about what he...
HOLY SHIT THEY HAVE GASOLINE AND A TORCH.
Jake's friends/the locals douse the bonfire with gasoline.
Jake stands back with the torch ready to go.
Jake stands back with the torch ready to go.
Then everyone from the building comes out to see this.
Helen grabs the baby and Candyman grabs her.
Jake screams "Burn him" and they toss the torch him.
Jake screams "Burn him" and they toss the torch him.
Everyone chants to burn him as Candyman and Helen burn together.
This is some like...poetic shit to how he died in a previous life.
This is some like...poetic shit to how he died in a previous life.
Candyman says this will bind them forever.
This is ...HOLY SHIT. The baby is like the baby Candyman had with his first love.
This is ...HOLY SHIT. The baby is like the baby Candyman had with his first love.
Helen stabs Candyman and runs with the baby. Before she can get out, a large piece of wood lands on her and sets her on fire.
She gets out of the bonfire with the baby.
She gets out of the bonfire with the baby.
Candyman screams for her to come back as the locals put her out.
Helen is burnt to shit.
Candyman is freaking out and man this is having some symbolism I'm too stupid to put into words.
Helen is burnt to shit.
Candyman is freaking out and man this is having some symbolism I'm too stupid to put into words.
Anne-Marie picks up her baby as the bonfire burns up Candyman and Helen appears to succumb to her burns.
Candyman's corpse is incinerated. It's like judgement day.
Candyman's corpse is incinerated. It's like judgement day.
We cut to Helen's funeral. Xander is there with his new girlfriend.
A priest does the ashes to ashes bit as the casket is lowered.
Hey, Professor Fry appeared at the funeral. That's good of him.
A priest does the ashes to ashes bit as the casket is lowered.
Hey, Professor Fry appeared at the funeral. That's good of him.
See there was like 5 people there.
Then we see a whole bunch of people walking up.
Anne-Marie and her baby and Jake along with all (I assume) who watched Candyman burn.
Then we see a whole bunch of people walking up.
Anne-Marie and her baby and Jake along with all (I assume) who watched Candyman burn.
Jake takes out the Candyman hook and drops it on her casket.
Inside Helen looks like she was painted by Homer's makeup shotgun.
Inside Helen looks like she was painted by Homer's makeup shotgun.
We cut to Xander on the can looking all kinds of confused and disturbed by life.
Stacey is outside talking about dinner and Xander seems done with her shit.
UGH. PINK WALLS. UGHH!!!
Stacey is outside talking about dinner and Xander seems done with her shit.
UGH. PINK WALLS. UGHH!!!
Stacey looks pissed as she opens the fridge and takes out...meat slaps.
He remember Helen being all kinds of awesome. Making great food and hugging him and being the opposite of Stacey.
Tears stream down. This was before Ubereats, so...I get it.
He remember Helen being all kinds of awesome. Making great food and hugging him and being the opposite of Stacey.
Tears stream down. This was before Ubereats, so...I get it.
Xander begins to cry in the mirror as Stacey makes her...meat slab.
Xander says "Oh, Helen."
He keeps saying "Helen" over and over.
Oh, shit.
He keeps saying "Helen" over and over.
Oh, shit.
He turns off the light so it's nice and creepy and he says her name 5 times.
She appears all burnt up and with the hook.
She guts the FUCK out of Xander as she has her O face.
She appears all burnt up and with the hook.
She guts the FUCK out of Xander as she has her O face.
Stacey hears him screaming and goes into the bathroom and...he's fuckkkeeeeddd.
Stacey screams.
Stacey screams.
We cut to the murder room at Cabrini-Green and there's a mural of Helen as like an Angel burning like Joan of ArC
Well, that was Candyman (1992) and it was FUCKING AWESOME!
@TonyTodd54 is just the best. His voice, presence, acting, etc. all creates a character that I still won't say 5 times to this day because I'm terrified I'll get gutted.
@TonyTodd54 is just the best. His voice, presence, acting, etc. all creates a character that I still won't say 5 times to this day because I'm terrified I'll get gutted.
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