Thread by @Soundsaboutrig4

When we last left off on our Shame of Thrones, we saw Brand take a swan dive and Tyrion being assume.

Now, we're watching episode 2...

The Road to King's Standing.

It's...I mean we all know where this leads to...it's not good.

#GameofThrones

https://twitter.com/Soundsaboutrig4/status/1430027428752027651

And just realize I will constantly be changing names, etc. because I refuse to remember all the stupid names I created.

We start by following the Darthrockees moving along a dirt road.

Danarrowass is given water by Moremount.

Danarrowass complains that the food sucks all the ass ever. Moremount points out there’s fuckall to eat besides horse anus.

Moremount tells stories of a terrifying grass that will destroy the world. So it’s like kudzu.

We see their village and they…that looked like a deer. So they have more than horse anus. Maybe they just like it.

They would make Fear Factor its bitch.

Moremount advises Harold probably best to fuck off.

We find out that Ned Flanders had banished him for selling poachers into slavery.

We cut to Tyrion waking up hungover in the dog kennel. Good thing this isn’t The Thing or Cujo.

Jerkfry wakes Tyrion by being annoying. Man. I hope that kid has an unfortunate accident at his wedding reception. See…see what I did there??

Tyrion tells Jerkfry should offer his condolences. Jerkfry talks shit and we get one of the best slaps ever.

Jerkfry tries to talk back and

And he tries once more and

Hahaha. Tyrion is the best.

The Hounddog starts to shake his hips and tells Tyrion that Jerkfry will remember that.

Tyrion is like “Time for breakfast and booze!!”

Tyrion is walks in on breakfast and orders. He sits down with the family that is just so screws up.

We find out Brand is alive.

“He’s gonna be alive and scream for someone to hold a door or some shit.”

Tyrion says he’s going to the Ice Wall. Oof. That’s gonna get this post flagged by all kinds of shit. Great.

Any. We find out the Ice Walk Workers are celibate and Tyrion has too many fucks left to give to join.

Tyrion wants to do what I want to do. Piss off a really tall wall

One Hand says he’d rather be dead than red…errr crippled.

He changes his tune soon enough.

Tyrion wants to know what happened with Brand. Tyrion knows his siblings are nasty and do the nasty.

Awesome*

We cut to Kaythen looking upon Brand unconscious. Sureshe walks in and we get some awkward dramatic iron throne.

Sureshe talks about losing a child. She obviously felt sad about it. Of course she has no problems ganking her kids soon enough.

Sureshe pretends like she cares about Brand. She’s like “And if he does wake up, he might have hallucinated stuff like me being railed by my twin.”

We cut to a blacksmith working hard before he plays hard.

Jon Snow knows nothing about fighting. One Hand talks about it. “It’s lots of blood and stuff. Also. Have fun at the Ice Wall. Make Worstmost Winter Again!!”

One Hand is a real dbag about Snow joining the arm…errr Ice Watch.

We see Areya getting packed. Snow comes in and she complains “Why did they have to ruin my character’s arc? And yours, too?? I mean it’s dumb as hell. They turned me into a trite superhero and you into some cuck.”

Areya, it seems, is training her wolf to get her gloves. I don’t care about the wolf’s name because it’ll be dead soon.

Snow hands Areya a shank. She’s like “One day I’ll be able to easily kill the Winter Ice King…like…it’ll be lame an anticlimactic.”

Oh. And she names the sword Needle because blah blah.

Snow keeps walking around the set pieces and goes to talk to Brand. “One day you’ll be king instead of me because this series is stupid. Like. It’s lame as shit what they do to it and me.”

Kaythen tells Snow to fuck off. Snow is Ned’s supposed bastard and, instead of taking it out on Ned, Kaythen takes it out on the only innocent person involved in that because she’s the worst.

Here’s hoping she gets Red Weddinged.

Seriously. She’s like an evil stepmother to Snow. In other stories she’d be a villain.

Robby talks to Snow before he leaves “Hey. I’m going to trust a creepy old guy and get ganked so easily because I’m a naive child.”

We see them going along the road all slow as hell. The Romans were wayyy faster.

Ned talks to his fake bastard. “Go to the Ice Wall, nephew.”

“Nephew?”

“Don’t worry. The big reveal is pointless in the long run.”

Before Snow rides off we hear Ned say something. Snow doesn’t hear it, but we do “Don’t fuck Danarrowass. You’re related!!”

We see Bareasstheon and Ned sitting and having a little chat.

Bareasstheon is like “Man. We are the old guard and will get brushes aside by Sureshe. Ya know. The daughter of that evil, old prick. The one Tyrion shoots.”

Bareasstheon shows Ned a note. Danarrowass is married. Bareasstheon wants to gank her.

She’s like he daughter of the mad king.

Bareasstheon is worried the Darthrockees will cross the sea.

Ned says “Naw. Aquaman gets killed by a flesh wound.”

Back with Aquaman he’s…uh. Let’s skip that.

Let’s just say he sucks at sex.

We cut to Snow, his uncle, and Tyrion in the woods. They’re having a little camp.

Also. Some other guys who were pressganged into the Ice Watch. Criminals given a choice.

Snow asks Tyrion why he reads.

It’s basically the bit from Bill Hicks.

@fecologist can attest to that

Basically. Tyrion knows his brain is the most powerful thing he has. Snow mumbles about wanting a red hat and not liking people who don’t speak Worstmostian.

Tyrion asks his story. Snow mumbles about building walls.

Snow starts to say that walls are important to keep out “them.”

Tyrion hammers him. Honestly. Tyrion is right. The winter king is wasn’t that big a deal. He could have lost to a bit of obsidian and a sling.

The maestro walks in. He’s like “Kaythen, do your job and make appointments.”

Robby comes in and says “I’ll make bad choices!”

Maestro is about to say something when Robby smears poop all over himself.

Robby tells Kaythen she’s neglecting her kids and, oh yeah, there’s fire.

I bet Ryan started.

It’s a distraction. An assass is there to gank Brand. Kaythen fights the assass and uses the power of temporary plot armor to fight him off before a wolf comes in to eat him.

Who cares about the wolves name. It’ll be dead soon.

We see the Darthrockees eating many other things than horse as Danarrowass talks about dragons and shit.

Her maid servants and her tell myths.

Danarrowass talks to her servant and wants to learn from her how to please Aquaman.

Easy. Give him a fish to chat with.

Snow and company arrive at the Ice Wall. Snow goes “Build that Ice Wall!”

His uncle goes “It’s already built!!”

Kaythen does some CSI detective shit. She suspects the Lambasters three Brand the fuck out the window. Ya know. Defen…defen…yeeted.

She tells Robby, Thedong IsGone, maestro, and Neckbeard about it.

Neckbeard talks about how the blade is Nippon steel or some shit. Then he starts Naruto running around. It’s awkward.

Neckbeard says the assass is from a powerful family.

Kaythen wants to go warn Ned. She doesn’t want to have too many come, so Neckbeard goes with her.

He mumbles about anime and m’lady.

Kaythen puts a dreamcatcher over Brand’s bed. She kisses his forehead and says “You start out interesting, but everyone hates that you become king because it makes no sense.”

We cut to Danarrowass being trained by her handmaiden on now to handmenden. See what I did there??

This scene definitely got a lot of people excited.

We cut to candles around eggs. We hear Danarrowass saying “I’m going to let you die needlessly because I’m stupid and blind for no reason other than bad writing!!”

Aquaman comes in to misuse Danarrowass. She wants to do it a different way than he does. Ya know. Hammer and done.

She does some new moves and Aquaman screams “Superman!!” As he climaxes.

Sandsya is in some market and a weirdo stares at her. The Hounddog comes up. Then Jerkfry comes up to be a jackass.

Jerkfry tells Hounddog to fuck off and then creeps on Sandsya. Jerkfry is the worst.

They walk by the river and Jerkfry tries to get her drunk. We see Areya and a ginger fake sword fighting.

Sandsya calls out and Areya turns. When she does, the ginger hits her on accident.

Jerkfry pulls out his sword. Then starts to slice the ginger because Jerkfry is the worst.

Areya smacks him with her wooden sword. Jerkfry attacks her and is about to stab her when the wolf attacks. Areya picks up his sword and Jerkfry cries like he stubbed his toe.

Areya throws his sword in the river.

Then Jerkfry cries more.

Areya tells the wolf to leave like in Harry and the Hendersons.

That night they’re sending out search parties for Areya. Ned screams out “Where are ya, Areya?”

Ned hears from his man that Areya has been found and is already in front of the king and queen. He rushes back.

Ned is like “What you fuckers doing??”

Sureshe is getting off on the idea of people dying. Sureshe is awful. No wonder Jerkfry is a see you next Tuesday.

We get a he said she said about it.

Then Sureshe asks Sandsya about what happened.

Sandsya hasn’t become a cool character yet. She sucks now.

She won’t even protect her sister.

Sureshe wants blood. Bareasstheon is mostly disgusted a girl disarmed him.

Sureshe is like “Kill the wolf because we don’t want to have to pay for them.”

Sureshe is so terrible. She wants Sandsya’s wolf to get got instead of Areya’s missing one.

Sureshe is the worst.

It’s almost impressive they made Sureshe the second worst character in terms of overall evil in the last season. That’s how bad they fucked up Danarrowass.

(And I don’t mean worst as I’m not a great character.)

Ned says he’ll gank the dogs. He goes outside and the Hounddog has killed the ginger.

It’s at that moment that Ned has realized he fucked up. All so he could be he handjob of the king of Worstmost.

We see Ned gank the dog as Brand’s eyes open. Turns out he needed a sacrifice to be awaken like some dark demon.

Well. That was GoT e01s02 and it’s pretty good. We see how god damn awful the Lambasters are and how naive Ned Starkcontrast and his family are.

The Starks could just be called the Summer Children they’re so naive.

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