Thread by @Soundsaboutrig4

So I can say that @Soundsaboutleft and I have eaten a lot of things.

Earlier this week, though, we decided to hunt down and eat an Emmy.

https://twitter.com/Soundsaboutrig4/status/1436121599887884299

#Emmys #Emmys2021

The thing you need to know is that Emmys aren't actually made of medal. At least not entirely.

They're actually a type of fairy that lives on the island of Catalina. They're captured and then encased (while still alive) in copper, nickel, silver, and gold.

Now we could have searched in the various woods, etc. looking for one OR we could go the smelter hidden on Catalina Island and steal one in a cage.

So that's what we did.

We even took the glass bottom boat to get there. Very cool.

The hidden smelter is on the North part of the island, so we had to hike in.

Well, actually, we took those hoverboard things.

As we approached the area that the smelter supposedly was, we heard screaming. Lots of screaming. High pitch screaming.

We snuck towards the sound and there we saw them tying the poor creatures into the pose we've all come to know and love.

The Emmys...Emmies??? whatever. They screamed up until the liquid hot metal burnt their insides through.

They were then dipped inside of a barrel of water.

All the while there were more Emmys just waiting to dying in tiny cages.

We snuck as they were murdered another Emmy fairy and grabbed one in a cage.

I heard mutterings of "Please save us. Yes. Save us!"

We grabbed the one and bolted.

The Emmy kept going "Thank you! Thank you for saving me. Release me and help me with my friends!"

But there was a campfire waiting for it. We were going to make Emmy S'mores.

The Emmy seemed confused as we got to our camp.

"Are we not going back for them?"

"Nope. Best you realize that today was your day of death no matter what."

Then...then it started to sob.

And, honestly, my heart went out to it. Mostly because it looked human and...yeah. That's...ugh.

"We gotta let it go, Left." I said.

"After all that work?"

"What work?"

"We took a boat and walked...that's work."

I glared.

"Fine."

So I released the Emmy.

"Will you come and help me now?"

"And walk all the way back there?"

"I will reward you with gold if you help."

"Gold? I like gold."

"Yeah. Ditto," I said.

So we followed the Emmy back. When we got to the smelter, there were even less living Emmys.

We immediately started opening cages. We found out along the way that the Emmys were knocked out by gas, but now that they were awake and free?

Oof. Glad we didn't try to eat it. They went straight for the eyes of the smelter workers.

The screams of the Emmys were replaced by the workers.

I looked away, but Left went "HOLY SHIT THIS WAS WORTH RELEASING IT! LOOK AT THE BLOOD!!!!!"

I decided I couldn't handle it, so I headed back towards the boat.

"Wait up!" I heard Left say. He came running up with a sack. "I got our payment. Three ingots of gold. This crap is worth a ton."

We made our way to the boat. As we were about a couple hundred yards from the shore, Left handed me the bag.

"I gotta piss. Don't set it down."

I nodded as he went to the bathroom. I immediately realized something. The sack was really light.

I opened it up and laughed. Inside was a pile of aluminum.

Those Emmy pricks robbed us.

metal*