Thread by @bechillcomedian

Write your own Ready Player One novel by taking all your favourite TV shows/films/authors and just listing them one after another.

I swear it's like he was told the book had to be a certain length so he's just like "oh crap um ok how many cult things can I remember?"

"I had a serious cute-geeky-girls-playing-ukelele fetish."

"Did you know that Midnight Oil was an Australian band with a 1987 hit titled "Beds Are Burning"?"

Yes. Yes I did.

Now, can we get back to the rip-off Charlie and The Chocolate Factory plot, please?

I see the hypocrisy of someone who's never written a book and is largely known on Twitter for stupid lists having a go at Ready Player One.

But seriously. It's Twilight for men who claim they are "nice guys" while complaining about the "friend zone".

Don't get me wrong. I WANT to like it
👍Set in future
👍In a VR world
👍References all my favourite games/shows/authors/etc

But all I see is:

I'm genuinely looking forward to the movie. I want to see how long they dedicate to listing stuff.

Just saw the trailer (late I know).
1) He's supposed to be overweight, not friggin' Baby Driver
2) I hope the film is just a Spaced marathon

Speaking of which, Spaced is incredible because the references are worked into the script. It's not just Daisy & Tim listing stuff they like

Saying you love Spaced but having 0 concept of how to use references is just as offensive as saying you love Douglas Adams-

-but showing 0 respect to the art of writing.

Urgh he literally uses the term "girl-next-door"

I am hating this book but I can't stop reading. It's like finishing a meal with hair in it because you enjoy complaining to the waiter.

Or as Ernest would say "It's like doing a thing even though you don't like the thing, which is exactly what I was doing at this very point."

Omgosh I just realised what Ernest Cline's writing style reminds me of!!!!!!

He doesn't realise it, but this is a perfect analogy for how male privilege feels.

OK. LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT: The protagonist, who has READ. EVERYTHING. and KNOWS. EVERYTHING. and is the BIGGEST SMARTARSE IN THE WORLD-

-has just become famous because he passed the first gate (I'd say SPOILERS, but this book was spoilt to being with) so he gets offers-

-to promote brands for money, and the protagonist who spends SO MUCH TIME EXPLAINING HOW HE HATES CORPORATE PIGS just says "yes" AND-

-says he doesn't have the time or money (he just won a f**ktonne of treasure) for a lawyer to check the contracts so he JUST SIGNS THEM?!

He is the most simple character in the world and he's STILL not consistent? WTF? How... how is this book so pop- I just... I don't...

BTW if you don't want me to live-tweet my rage while reading Ready Player One, you might wanna mute this conversation (top right arrow):

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For those just joining, here is a side-thread regarding Ernest Cline's "poem" about porn:

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UPDATE: I just reached the part where IOI (a corporation/the big bad) tried to blackmail the protagonist into helping them find the-

-easter egg by showing him that in reality they have planted bombs around the trailer he and 12 other people live in (as well as trailers-

-with neighbours in them). They don't realise that in real life, he is accessing the game from a hideout, so he isn't in the trailer...

He ums and ahs about whether they're bluffing. In the end HE CALLS THEIR BLUFF (hey, because YOU'RE safe right? F**k those other people)-

-and IOI then BLOW UP HIS TRAILER WITH EVERYONE LIVING BOTH IN IT AND AROUND IT AND RENDERING LOADS OF OTHERS HOMELESS and does he care?

DOES HE F**K! He spends the WHOLE TIME just being amazed that HE COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED. There's like ONE LINE dedicated to everyone else.

OH YEAH AND IOI ACTUALLY DID KILL LOADS OF PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO ACT LILE A BIG MAN, BUT HEY HO, NO NEED TO THINK ABOUT THAT YA PRICK

You know why this book and its surrounding popularity makes me so mad? Because it's exact same idiocy we see with Trump supporters.

This protagonist spends the majority of his time telling the reader how great he is, how smart he is, how superior he is. And because-

-he mentions a bunch of buzzwords ("omgosh he ALSO likes D&D! Whoa! Someone else who knows who Monty PY-THON is!") people read it and are-

-like "Wow! It me!" But they're so blinded by entry level relatability that they can't see that he (and the writing) is actually the worst.

We are so desperate for heroes that we will accept anyone who on first glance seems to share the same interests as us. But there is nothing-

-heroic about these people. They serve themselves first and we are merely here to enable them.

Oh and while I'm at it:
👏 MONTHY 👏 PYTHON 👏 IS 👏 ARGUABLY 👏 THE 👏 MOST 👏 FAMOUS 👏 SKETCH GROUP 👏 IN 👏 THE WORLD 👏

"I want a woman who knows who Monty Py-thon is."
TRY GOING TO BRITAIN MATE. THEY PERFORM IN ACTUAL ARENAS. THEY ARE VERY RICH. BECAUSE FANS.

It's not a "cult" thing to like them. They are massive. It's the comedy equivalent of saying "wow she's heard of The Beatles?!"

AND IT'S PRONOUNCED "PYTHON" NOT F**KING "PY-THON". YOU'RE NOT BLOODY KRYTEN! SAY IT PROPERLY IF YOU LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

Ok now back to the book.

Probs because you refer to us as "the female of the species" mate.

He's one of those great guys who doesn't care what package you come in ladies...

Oh unless you're trans apparently.

Nah, it's cool. I didn't wanna keep my breakfast down anyway.

Really looking forward to this bit in the movie:

(I don't entirely disagree with his point here, but I love the idea of Baby Driver having to narrate a montage of this scene.)

Yeah. Don't bother voting. You're probably the ONLY person smart enough not to vote for a celebrity, so what's the point, right?

PROTAGONIST: Real life elections are pointless. Everyone votes for celebrities

ALSO PROTAGONIST: In the VR election I voted for celebrities

Good news everyone! In Ernest Cline's book set in the future, he has predicted YouTube.

35 years after it was created.

"And then I did another amazing thing and everyone was amazed at how amazing I am."
*yawn*

I'm almost starting to wonder if this is some sort of meta-test. Like Ernest Cline wrote this terrible book to see if anyone was brave-

-enough to call out the Emporer and his "new clothes" and prove themselves worthy of the fortune he's scammed from ignorant geeks.

Crude you say, Ernest? Hmm. Like your WRITING STYLE eh? Myes. Meh meh meh meh.
<twiddles waxed moustache with glee>

I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down".

Nah I'm just being mean now. Writing isn't as easy as it looks. It's not like you can instantly expand your vocabulary at the click of a bu-

I'm not angry at Ernest. I'm disappointed in him, but I'm not angry. Who I AM angry at is everyone who allowed this to get to where it is.

THIS thoroughly flawed book (in all respects) is getting a MOVIE. Meanwhile female writers often have to write under MALE pseudonyms to-

-even have a chance at being looked at. If we were in a utopian future where everyone was equal, then I'd be less bothered about this-

-book being popular (though in a world of total equality, the views displayed towards women and people of the LGBTQIA community would be-

-highly frowned upon and hugely out of place, but I digress), but as it stands, there are so many incredible sci-fi authors out there not-

-getting a look-in, that the fact that THIS is so highly revered (and defended) suggests a utopian equality-driven future is unattainable.

P.S. Fellow geeks (of all identities), I see you liking/RTing this thread. Thank you. It's reassuring to know so many of us see through this

Wait... what??

Is... is he mansplaining his own writing??

Also don't think I haven't noticed how obsessed with gender he is. Every time he doesn't mention gender, the character is always male-

-but if they're female, that is ALWAYS in the description of them. And he always says "a FEMALE such-and-such" (though not capitalised).

It's like when your Gran feels the necessity to mention the ethnicity of someone when telling a story despite it not being related.

Oh and when he doesn't know what gender someone is, does he think, "none of my Gundam business"? Like heck he does!

(P.S. with the length of this thread and the amount of references I'm sneaking in, I expect a call from Mr Spielberg at any moment)

(P.P.S. on my hamburger phone)