Something that occurs to me as we talk about consent, is that the lessons start when kids are very young and we parents absolutely suck at it.
Consent *must* extend to personal bodily autonomy in all forms. Yes, sometimes we have to force kids to take medicine, get shots, etc,
You have to talk to children, even if they’re too young to understand, why these rare instance occur.
But there are a thousand other times that parents teach their children that consent doesn’t matter, and we don’t even realize it.
When you tickle a kid, and they’re shouting “no!”, and you keep tickling, it’s probably all in good fun, but you’re subtly teaching something.
This was a hard shift for me! But I realize if I stop when they say No just one time, you can absolutely tell if the No was sincere or playful.
Sometimes my son will yell “Again!” but my daughter doesn’t ever enjoy it. So against my playful dad instincts, I don’t tickle her at all.
Because I want her to know that her No matters, and I will respect it enough not to make her say it again.
Think about kids screaming No as dad throws them in the pool. Think about them chiding a mad, wet kid that it was all in good fun.
That’s a lesson about consent, and it’s the wrong one.
This extends to how they dress, how they present themselves later in life. I want my kids to know that their bodily and personal autonomy is important to me.
I’m not telling you how to parent. I’m just saying we teach lessons with every action. Be aware of them.
And you’re still getting a flu shot this year. Sorry. I will explain why that’s an exception, but it’s not negotiable.
A good point from @BenKuchera, this absolutely extends to gestures of affection towards you and other grownups.
You can ask for a hug and kiss, but if you force one, what does that teach them? What does that get you?
