Thread by @knoxwoods

‘Twas the night before Christmas; and in the White House,
There was plotting and scheming by an evil orange louse.
The portrait of Jackson stared over his desk
where the worst Prez in history surveyed his mess. 1/15

The children were planning a late night escape
‘cause Mueller announced that he had them on tape.
While Donald was screaming with fury and fire,
Melania smiled and turned on her wire. 2/15

And Bannon in four shirts and Trump in his hat
were trying to figure out who was the rat.
Meanwhile the TV was tuned in to Fox,
and both of them turned and saw on the box
the Washington Post had broken some news,
and even Sean Hannity was looking for clues. 3/15

“What’s that?” exclaimed Trump.
“Uh, oh,” muttered Bannon.
The chyron went by with the roar of a cannon.
When what to their wondering eyes should appear?
A list of indictments confirming their fears. 4/15

Trump was dumbfounded, unsure what occurred,
‘cause there on the screen was Jared Kushner!
He stood at the mic and looked quite ashamed.
“Some of us colluded, and here are their names: 5/15

It started with Don, the President, I mean.
(He’s really not quite as smart as he seems.)
He had lots of help from Gates and Don Junior,
And Manafort’s role was not just a rumor.
Bannon and Conway, Miller and Priebus,
Papadopoulos, Sessions, and Sean Spicer helped us. 6/15

And Tillerson, Price, and Huckabee-Sanders,
Mnuchin and Zinke weren’t merely bystanders.
Betsy DeVoss was in on it too
And Gordon and Corey, to name just a few.
Both Flynns were involved, Junior and Dad,
And just to be clear, they’re really bad! 7/15

Don’t overlook Mssrs. Cohen and Stone,
And Carter Page was easily known.
But the master arranger in charge of it all,
the chief architect who carried the ball,
is the one you assumed was really too dense.
The primary colluder was Michael R.Pence!” 8/15

“Aha!” said the President. “I’m off the hook!”
“Me too,” said Ivanka. “I’m writing a book!”
“Wait,” mumbled Bannon when Mueller appeared
as Jared sat down, wiping a tear. 9/15

“As for the President,” Mueller announced,
“His role in the scandal is also pronounced.
His friends in the Kremlin were crafty and shrewd.
They got him on tape being nasty and nude.
Of course, it was money that tempted him most.
(He’s really not quite as rich as he boasts.) 10/15

With hackers and other experts in cyber
the Russians exploited social media providers.
They played on the fears and racism rampant
among the Republicans whose values were stagnant.
And frankly the fact that the Dem was a she
just brought out the worst kind of misogyny. 11/15

All of that helped put the base in his zone
And made gullible Dems decide to stay home.
But they needed some more to cinch the election
without revealing the Russia connection.
The letter from Comey surprised even us.
That was a bombshell and really a plus. 12/15

It was just what they needed to make people think
that the polls were all wrong, just out of sync.
A few votes here and a few votes there.
It couldn’t be simpler, if you’re aware
that our voting equipment is badly outdated,
so changing the tallies was not complicated. 13/15

Alas, even though the outcome was rigged,
the Electoral College elected this pig.
I cannot undo it or even impeach.
That is beyond my limited reach.
The best I can do is charge and indict.
His arrest is coming this very night.” 14/15

And then in the oval, with a knock at the door,
a federal marshal said, “Let’s go, señor.”
Unnoticed ‘til now, little Barron appeared.
“Are you Santa Claus?” he asked with good cheer.
“No,” said the marshal, “I’m sorry to say
I’m here to take your daddy away.” 15/16 (oops)

The little boy nodded and gave a big wave.
“Thank you, Santa. America is saved.”
And the marshal proclaimed, dragging Trump out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

apologies to Clement Clarke Moore

16/16