Are you one of those people who's looked back on 2017 and convinced yourself that you haven't achieved anything? Worried about catching up with your mates who seem to have done much better?
Let me tell you a story about #time.
A thread 👇
Let me tell you a story about #time.
A thread 👇
A long #time ago, back when I was about twelve or thirteen years old, my parents travelled to Uyo.
Before leaving, my mother asked me to prepare Edikang ikong soup so she and my father would eat when they returned.
Before leaving, my mother asked me to prepare Edikang ikong soup so she and my father would eat when they returned.
When I was finished with the soup, it was supposed to look something like this:
*photo credit: waiter foodies.
*photo credit: waiter foodies.
As soon as they were out the door, I commandeered my siblings to prepare all the soup ingredients, cover them up and leave them on the kitchen table.
#Time
#Time
In those days, my nickname was Ekpe Mbre. Literal translation - Lioness of Play. If playing was an Olympics sport, I would've won gold for Nigeria, back to back.
Anyway with no adult supervision, my siblings and I did the only wise thing to do.
#Time
Anyway with no adult supervision, my siblings and I did the only wise thing to do.
#Time
We played our hearts out!
Climbed trees. Hunted grasshoppers. Played football. Watched TV. Scattered the house.
Climbed trees. Hunted grasshoppers. Played football. Watched TV. Scattered the house.
Now, there was a certain knowing we possessed. Without seeing it, somehow, we were always able to tell when my father's car was coming down the street.
#Time
#Time
And it came to pass, that the hour of parental return drew nigh and we were still at play and the soup was yet uncooked.
Then my sister, I think, ran into the room while I was lying in front of the mirror....
#Time
Then my sister, I think, ran into the room while I was lying in front of the mirror....
#Time
....in the middle of giving birth to my fake baby, the result of my fake and unusually gigantic bedsheet pregnancy.
"Daddy and Mummy are coming!" she screamed.
#Time
"Daddy and Mummy are coming!" she screamed.
#Time
See enh, magic wands have got nothing on a bunch of Nigerian children with soon-to-be-home Nigerian parents, who have scattered the house and are putting it back in order.
The house was set straight in seconds. Nanoseconds even.
#Time
The house was set straight in seconds. Nanoseconds even.
#Time
The soup!
My eyes widened in horror as I remembered the single most important thing I'd been asked to do.
At the thought of what my mother would do when she walked in and there was no soup, I felt a little pee leak in my panties.
#Time
My eyes widened in horror as I remembered the single most important thing I'd been asked to do.
At the thought of what my mother would do when she walked in and there was no soup, I felt a little pee leak in my panties.
#Time
I dashed into the kitchen, yelling for my brother. He ran in, quick as lightening and like headless chickens, we gathered the ingredients, put water for garri on one cooker burner and the soup pot on the other.
#Time
#Time
By now, I could hear the car engine idling outside in the parking slot.
We always go to the door to welcome my parents when they get home, to this day. Anyone absent from the welcome committee, often gets a query.
#Time
We always go to the door to welcome my parents when they get home, to this day. Anyone absent from the welcome committee, often gets a query.
#Time
I sent my siblings to go welcome my parents, and inform them that I couldn't come to the door because I was cooking.
From the kitchen, I heard my mother's loud voice. It was liberally
#Time
From the kitchen, I heard my mother's loud voice. It was liberally
#Time
"Ideghe afere anke bogo anye abok tungho isua, k'enye atutungho idagha m?
Literal translation: "Is that the soup I asked her to cook since, that she's cooking now?"
Life translation: "I'm going to kill her."
#Time
Literal translation: "Is that the soup I asked her to cook since, that she's cooking now?"
Life translation: "I'm going to kill her."
#Time
My brothers and sisters, there are special demons that wait around for when a soul is desperate.
One of such demons was on its way to Balogun market, when it heard my mother screaming.
#Time
One of such demons was on its way to Balogun market, when it heard my mother screaming.
#Time
It sensed that someone may be in trouble. So it made a detour and landed on my left shoulder.
"Is it not just soup?" it said, stroking my head with its scrawny talons.
#Time
"Is it not just soup?" it said, stroking my head with its scrawny talons.
#Time
"It doesn't matter what time the ingredients go in. Just pour everything inside the pot at once, turn it and voilà!"
As my mother's voice and footsteps neared the kitchen, I was beyond desperate.
#Time
As my mother's voice and footsteps neared the kitchen, I was beyond desperate.
#Time
I could actually see the hooded figure of Death, standing near the fridge, giggling.
I took the demon's advice. Quick as a flash, I poured everything - pumpkin leaves, crayfish, fish, meat, waterleaves, periwinkles etc in the pot and stirred.
#Time
I took the demon's advice. Quick as a flash, I poured everything - pumpkin leaves, crayfish, fish, meat, waterleaves, periwinkles etc in the pot and stirred.
#Time
My mum stepped into the kitchen a second later.
"Ah, Mummy welcome o," I said, adding salt and pepper to the mixture.
"Sorry about the food. I was actually timing your arrival, so the soup will still be hot when you return.
#Time
"Ah, Mummy welcome o," I said, adding salt and pepper to the mixture.
"Sorry about the food. I was actually timing your arrival, so the soup will still be hot when you return.
#Time
Don't worry. By the time you finish undressing, the food will be ready."
All these I said without pausing for a breath, in that fast, glib manner of lying children who have suckled the devil's left breast.
#Time
All these I said without pausing for a breath, in that fast, glib manner of lying children who have suckled the devil's left breast.
#Time
She gave me a long, suspicious look and walked out of the kitchen.
Fifteen minutes later, food was ready and served.
That soup tasted like exactly what it was: an abomination!
I'm sure the spirits of my great-grandmothers groaned in their tombs.
#Time
Fifteen minutes later, food was ready and served.
That soup tasted like exactly what it was: an abomination!
I'm sure the spirits of my great-grandmothers groaned in their tombs.
#Time
All the ingredients stood on their own, all separated by rivulets of water and oil.
What my mother did to me that day, is the stuff of legend and a story for another day.
My point is....
#Time
What my mother did to me that day, is the stuff of legend and a story for another day.
My point is....
#Time
Every good cook knows that each ingredient has a different cooking time. Thus, they shouldn't be added to the pot all at once.
If that is done, it'll ruin the taste of the food.
#Time
If that is done, it'll ruin the taste of the food.
#Time
So it is with life.
Our individual success stories are made up of different ingredients based on nature and nurture, time, hard work, talents, God's intervention etc.
#Time
Our individual success stories are made up of different ingredients based on nature and nurture, time, hard work, talents, God's intervention etc.
#Time
If you're in a hurry to achieve something because your contemporaries have, you may find yourself using the same ingredients, but failing to achieve anything good, because you wanted to have it all at once.
#Time
#Time
Give time, time.
It is good to read autobiographies of successful people and long to be like them.
But take your eyes away from the success for a moment and look at the time and effort it took them to arrive where they are.
#Time
It is good to read autobiographies of successful people and long to be like them.
But take your eyes away from the success for a moment and look at the time and effort it took them to arrive where they are.
#Time
Good things take time.
No matter how hard you wish, a pregnancy will only be full term at the end of nine months.
#Time
No matter how hard you wish, a pregnancy will only be full term at the end of nine months.
#Time
Don't be like Eketi. 😂
Allow life and time cook you at your own pace, adding maturity, wisdom, self-control, discipline and success at the right moments.
Trust me, at the end, you'll come out delicious.
#Time
Allow life and time cook you at your own pace, adding maturity, wisdom, self-control, discipline and success at the right moments.
Trust me, at the end, you'll come out delicious.
#Time
Now I'm just going to add pictures of my parents for no reason whatsoever.
Or maybe it's because I'm grateful they didn't kill me that day. 😂
Or maybe it's because I'm grateful they didn't kill me that day. 😂
Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed reading this. Like, retweet and follow...in that order.
Merry Christmas, mes amis and a fulfilling new year to you.
Merry Christmas, mes amis and a fulfilling new year to you.
And if you're in the mood to read something amusing, click on the link below and buy my book.
okadabooks.com/book/about/chi…
It's a humorous Nigerian parody of the popular Disney classic, Cinderella.
okadabooks.com/book/about/chi…
It's a humorous Nigerian parody of the popular Disney classic, Cinderella.
