Thread by @RemingtonWild

Incels always paint their journey like this, like they're reacting to the treatment of the world.
In doing so they fail to analyze the ideas they've held tight to, and where they got them from.

The toxic ideas incels internalize start innocuously.
At the forefront I believe is how we raise boys to put women on pedestal, to see romance as a matter of will and not mutual attraction, and to see other men as competition. This also fosters a hero complex

When boys see women and relationships as part of a successful life, the fear of not attaining these is pervasive. And they feel entitled to them because they feel they've done decently enough, unlike those "assholes"

But what incels don't appear to ever realize is that just because you don't act like an asshole doesn't mean women are due you respect or attraction.
They've attached so much of their identity to not being an asshole however that they feel justified

So incels feel entitled because they associate their happiness and masculinity with sex and romance, but only like one kind of woman who is based on the fallacy they were sold as kids. Then they blame women for exercising the freedom to not be nice and being "frivolous" w sex

But even apart from the entitlement and limited view of women, the thing that binds incel ideology is the idea that they are victims of society, even if it's as minor as "females being rude" or their own impulses.
Yet they differentiate themselves from others by eschewing drama

I recently read a post where a guy defended toxic masculinity by saying that men try to "protect" women so they "don't make the mistakes I do"
Incels represent what happens when men's belief in rationality and eschewing danger turns into contempt for women's freedom.

This frustration with women's freedom is obvious in everything from who they chose to have sex with to how they dress.
But this is not just an incel thing, we regularly see makeup derided as a sign of "false femininity," the inverse of "natural beauty," w no thought to choice.

Because in incels world, the only thing worse than how they're being treated by society is how "normies" accept the world and are influenced by it. They see their resistance to conformity as noble, often worshiping older times despite how clearly they were also a product.

It's hard to imagine, but try to see it.
You feel left out of society, but hate how others conform.
You feel you should have a girlfriend and be respected, but you can't take rejection and girls are always being MEAN for no reason!
You turn to bio-truths for an explanation...

They conform everything you feel, that women are just DIFFERENT, that men are good at manly things by nature. That struggling against this is what's led to women being unkind and when they hook up with abusive people it's because they don't know what's best for themselves...

Instead, women, unlike you, are influenced by new culture that encourages excess at the expense of sense, who start down a path of "thottery" at a young age and bring their own downfall by believing they can avoid the consequences. And the victims of THEIR foolishness? YOU!

At this point, incel's feel a contempt at society, at the women who buy into it, and at their own powerlessness to do anything about it.
Note how they are not interested in helping others however, not changing the world, because they're driven by how it affects THEM.

When we see incels express glee at the death of women and girls, it comes from the fact that they basically see all human females as potential frustrations to what would make their world "nice"
What they "can't have"

We see girls having fun and getting to discover themselves. Incels see this independence as irritating, and since it doesn't defer to their feelings they can only see them as shallow and evil.
Because how could they be "good" if they wouldn't be nice to them...?

There is a part of patriarchy theory that is particularly relevant when it comes to incels, hatred of women is a response to fear of them, of what they can deprive us of, yet women are also offered as a form of compensation in place of men's lack of emotional connection to others

To me, this illustrates how incels could hate women enough to want to force them into slavery, yet in their mind it's all in the service of assuaging the desire for sex and companionship. Because they've bonded with other men only from misogyny, those men are the enemy as well.

To combat the radicalization of incels, we need to find ways to remind them of the humanity of others, that empathy is positive and it allows us to connect with others and that this is worthwhile in itself.
There is value in supporting others just because

But this means giving up, and sometimes fighting against the ideas that incels insulated themselves with.
The idea they could avoid fear and vulnerability, or that the "value" they believe women see in men is not right or wrong, but their choice.
That misogyny is slow death