Tonight's #RazsRamadanReminders is a short personal story that I don't talk about much - but for me it cemented my faith. One of the lowest points in my life, but one which resulted in me getting closer to Allah like I wouldn't have imagined.
It was 2007, and I was in my penultimate year of medical school. Things were Alhamdulillah going well for myself and my family, when an event changed my life. My father suffered a heart-attack, and was admitted to hospital shortly after.
I remember going to visit him and the stress and anxiety we all experienced as a family. His heart rate would go in to the 200s, and he had to be shocked several times. He needed a defibrillator implant to keep him alive, and while waiting for it - he suffered a stroke.
He lost his mobility, his speech, his vision. None of us thought he would make it - and I remember having conversations with our extended family, his workplace. It was excruciating. It was also on the eve of a major business deal for him - which ultimately didn't go through.
Alhamdulillah he survived but spent months in the hospital. During this period a girl I was getting to know for a while was clearly freaked out by this and left - which was understandable of course, but left me lower than I already was.
Then one day - amidst all of this - I get a phone call from the police. Someone had blown up my car - literally. They had gone through my car - chucked out CDs of nasheeds / Qur'an, and just lit up my car. At the time I was a leader for Scouts, and in the back of my car...
was a bag. In it were important papers, my stethoscope - but also money. Money from children (who often were from poorer backgrounds), and I had collected this as an amaanah (trust) for an upcoming trip. This was plaguing my mind as the police spoke to me.
Meanwhile my family thought I was dead in a ditch somewhere because they came to my house and said they found my car in flames and weren't sure anyone was inside. Alhamdulillah I eased their worries after I found out, but back to the bag...
As upset I was about the car, I prayed to Allah to keep the money safe. I got to the car - and it was a metal pulp. In the boot, my bag had melted, the seats had melted, my stethoscope liquid. But lo and behold, between the ashes lay the envelope - money all in tact.
It was a minor miracle, a moment of true du'a that Allah had accepted. Shortly after, within a few weeks - my mother had a car accident and Alhamdulillah she was fine, but the car was totalled. We couldn't believe our run of difficulties.
At this point I had received my year 4 medicine results, and it turned out I had failed. Believe me, I studied hard for them. Very hard - so for me this was breaking point. All of this, everything, within a few months. My dad, a rishta prospect breaking, loss of cars, failing.
These may seem trivial, but believe me, it was stressful. All of it. In the face of having to step up as the only son and look after my family, being heartbroken, and now possibly failing my medical exams. It was too much to take.
And this is where my #RazsRamadanReminders culminates. There are times when you feel there is NOTHING between you and Allah. NOTHING. Pure connection and faith, and trust.
I remember walking out of a meeting with a sub-dean and walking alone on the road and I looked up and prayed. I asked for some relief, anything - for this run of difficulties to come to an end. For some ease. There were no secret agendas today - a slave calling out to his Lord.
And believe me, within seconds I get a call from a fellow student: 'Faraz, have you heard? The computer system for marking messed up - they've updated the results!'. So I ran home. I ran 2 miles without stopping.
I logged on and found out I had passed. Alhamdulillah, I remember falling into sujood. It was a moment in my life which for me forever cemented my faith - though it has since always been susceptible to fluctuation.
"And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided" [2:186]
Things Alhamdulillah settled since. There have been other trials of course - that's part of life! What is life without difficulty? Paradise is surrounded by them, but Hell is surrounded by ease. I remind myself of this every so often when I lose myself and my way.
Are we really in this state of reliance? Do we always believe what happens - happens for the best? We just need to reach out to Allah with a pure call - and believe me, He answers. Always. And indeed to Him we all eventually return.
