Thread by @K_NoiseWaterMD

Funny angry judge story. So a few years back, our local PD's office picked up a new hire from a law school out of state - can't remember where, but his parents had some kind of connection in KY.

So anyways, this dude was straight up insufferable right out of the gate. He 1/

https://twitter.com/Popehat/status/1027220125932376066

carried himself like he'd been practicing for thirty damn years, he talked down to other attorneys, and he was often short with court staff (mortal sin).

So one day he's in front of my judge on a probation revocation hearing. Now my judge rarely revokes probation. 2/

To get revoked, you generally have to seriously fuck up once, or commit to minorly fucking up on a weekly basis.

Long story short, his guy had been on probation for a few years and 3/

was doing well. Unfortunately, he went to a house party that was broken up by the police and he had a little weed on him. That's a no-no.

But my judge, who we'll call Judge McNiceGuy, was never going to revoke for that given how well he'd done otherwise. 4/

So Judge McNiceGuy asks for argument from the prosecution about why he should be revoked. ACA is just going through the motions, judge just nods. Now he asks Asshole, Attorney at Law, why his client should be allowed to remain on probation.

Madness ensued, paraphrase 5/

"My client should have never been arrested to begin with. He committed no crime."

Judge: "Well, hold on, marijuana is still illegal in Kentucky, isn't it?"

Asshole: "Marijuana has been recognized by states all over the United States as harmless, and 6/

repeal efforts are ongoing in most states."

Judge: "Yeah, I get that - but it's illegal here."

Asshole: "This court should recognize that a person should never be haled into court for marijuana possession."

Judge: "...........Are you asking me to legalize marijuana?" 7/

Asshole: "No your honor, just that no one should be arrested for marijuana possession."

Judge: "Marijuana is illegal here."

Asshole: "In many states it is not."

Judge: "...........Where do you think you are right now?"

Asshole: "The United States." 8/

Judge: "What state specifically, smartass."

Asshole: "Kentucky"

Judge: "Marijuana is illegal in Kentucky."

Asshole: "But no one should be arrested for possessing marijuana."

By this time I had decided to go into the courtroom and get a front row seat. Judge McNiceGuy 9/

almost never gets angry - but he was losing his cool bigtime. His face was red and he was just staring a hole through this guy.

Judge "Listen, I don't know what you're doing right now. I can't just declare marijuana legal by fiat."

Asshole: "You don't have to. You can 10

just rule that no one should be arrested for possession."

Judge: ".......am I having a nightmare? I swear to god I think I'm actually in a nightmare right now. It's like I'm in bizzarro world right now. Are you trying to give me a riddle, or something? " 11/

Asshole: "Your honor -"

Judge: "No, you're done. We're done. Mr. (X) gets to stay on probation, despite the best efforts of his attorney to get me to revoke it."

He was so mad he went into chambers and immediately dialed up the PD's office to speak to the head. 12/

Judge McNiceGuy has a copy of that hearing. He shows it to law students in his trial practice class in a presentation titled: "How to Make a Judge Hate You." 13/13