Thread by @mwabilimwagodi

I just had an amazing conversation with two male colleagues regarding cheating (being cheated on by girls) and its a difficult topic for us men to discuss. We are all in our 30's (one recently got engaged two single) and we struggled to tell our stories. Its painful.

The currently engaged guy was 24 when he first found out he was being cheated on. He was dating this girl in Dar while he was working in the gold mines. He would come to Dar to visit her every time he got his break and he was paying for their house in Kinondoni with their child

He had snatched her from some guy she was dating and she said they had broken up permanently with the other guy. This time he was home, the phone rang at night while they were playing in bed. She silenced it quickly and went about her business.
He grew suspicious

Why did she not pick up? He couldn't sleep that night. In the morning, she went to fix breakfast and left her phone in bed. He decides to go through it. The call she had not picked was the ex.
There were a million texts between them discussing and professing their love.

During the day once they settled down he confronted her. He told her he knows everything and he needs a confession so that he can forgive her and they start a new life together. She became dodgy and he says he slapped her and that's when she started talking.

She was seeing five other guys while he is in the mines working his ass off for her and the kid.
He says it broke him so much since he thought it was just the one guy. He left that night and never went back to her. He just takes care of his son's school fees and meals.

Her housing etc ajisort.

He is now engaged to another lady but it has taken him over 7 years to reach this point. He say he is not even sure if he trusts his future wife (we took mahari sometime back in May) and it scares him to make this decision.

The other guy had a different encounter. His college sweetheart and him decided to take a step further after graduation. They started life together without approval of their parents and made an adult choice to be together since they loved each other.

One year into their come we stay, he got a lucrative job in Carnival Cruise lines as a guest relations agent. Work for 8 months and be home for 4 months. It was a tough decision for them but they could buy a house if he could save as much as he could from this job.

At 23 years old, working with people from all over the world in the sea, temptations were in plenty. But he stayed faithful and did his first tour of duty as faithful as ever to his partner. He kept of crew parties, kept off visiting towns and cities at ports of call...

...considering how crazy some ports are (for example there is an Island in the Carribean most crew would get married for a day for $30 dollars and that included meals, a bottle of rum and lots of sex; Jamaicans do not even go back home for their 4 months leave they fly to the...

...Island and spend their time getting "married" to the Island girls). His point is that he sacrificed a lot of fun for the first four years just to save money for his wife and upcoming family.
It was all good until she fell pregnant. And there was no way that kid was his.

He suffered a breakdown while at sea and had to be sent back home on a medical.
She was sleeping with his best friend and she apparently even bought him a second hand car to start a taxi business.
Long story short, he has been "married" countless times in the Carribean.

He did a total of 9 years on the ships, partied hard until he ruined his job and was fired for overstocking his cabin with alcohol beyond the ship policy. He says Eastern European chics are the best. He does not have any idea when he will settle down.

Its really hard out here in dating scene. If you find someone nice keep them and don't fuck them up. These two guys are some of the most cold hearted beings (towards relationships and women) I have ever met. I am glad we spoke. Healing will take a while.