Something is really wrong with the idea that teenagers are expected to pull hijinx.
I was tormented in grade school and high school. Verbally, but also physically. I was locked in closet, thrown into bees nests and beaten in grade school.
I was repeatedly beaten to the point of passing out in high school. I once found beers hidden inside the tank of a toilet, and fellow classmates placed me under a mattress until I passed out to make it clear to me that I shouldn't "rat" them out.
In high school, I tried very hard to be a good person. I really reject the idea that my tormentors had no moral obligation to avoid doing these things to me.
When people say, with a great degree of moral force, that high school kids are not responsible for abusive and degrading behavior, we are telling kids *today* that they are permitted to behave this way.
This affects real kids who are being bullied, abused and degraded every day.
When I run into any of my classmates as an adult, they frequently don't remember that any of this happened. It was just part of the normal course of things. But I remember. It was a decade of torment, day in and day out.
Other classmates remember what happened, and are virtually always deeply apologetic about what happened.
Whether they remember or not, my classmates universally *believe* my account. It was a part of the culture. It *makes sense*.
Whether they remember or not, my classmates universally *believe* my account. It was a part of the culture. It *makes sense*.
As adults, my classmates have been deeply apologetic for what occurred. I forgive them, and believe they have largely grown into adults who perceive the abuse as horrific, and which they desperately wish they could undo.
But the first step is to believe that the abuse happened.
Forgiveness can only come once the abuser acknowledges what happened and acknowledges the trauma they caused.
Forgiveness can only come once the abuser acknowledges what happened and acknowledges the trauma they caused.
I have found sorrow and acknowledgement to be universal in my own tormentors (as adults). and this has given me a great deal of hope for the possibility of improvement for the next generation of children in a position to be bullied, abused and degraded.
But as adults, we owe it to our children to reject, in the strongest terms, the idea that childhood and high school abuse has no real long-term consequences and is a harmless part of adolescence.
