As a kid, I remember by grandparents had a printed copy of the prose poem “Desiderata” on the wall. You know: “Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.” etc (1/21)
I was really fond of that little poster. There was a calm about it, a serenity, and a sense of oldness and solidity to the words. (2/21)
Like many copies of that poem it had a line at the bottom saying it had been found in Old St John’s Church Baltimore and dated to 1692. (3/21)
Years later I found out that’s incorrect; it was written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann. The church once printed it in a newsletter and the attribution got garbled. But that doesn’t alter whatever wisdom there is in the poem. (4/21)
For some reason I’d forgotten about that poster until today. It occurred to me it’s been many years since I read ‘Desiderata’ and didn’t remember much of it. (5/21)
So I looked it up and OH MY FUCK WHAT IS THIS SHIT (6/21)
I mean it’s not even a prose poem. It reads more like an insurance company prospectus laid its eggs on a riverbed and then a passing motivational poster of a cat hanging off a basket came along and fertilised them. (7/21)
To be fair most of the advice seems pretty sound. But it’s delivered like a Year 9 co-ordinator trying to riff on the “Wear Sunscreen” song at an end-of-year assembly. “Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans” - c’mon seriously? (8/21)
“If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” Who is this *for*, Max? Who has this thought never occurred to? (9/21)
The worst thing is it’s not even internally consistent. “...listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.” Good advice! Then: “Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.” Fair enough - wait, hang on... (10/21)
What do we do if someone is dull and ignorant AND loud and aggressive? What then, Max? Huh? What then?? Avoid them while simultaneously listening to them? Idiot. (11/21)
“Exercise caution in your business affairs” woah settle down there Keats, too much purple (12/21)
“You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.” This sentence is written in 1927 and yet it smells of kombucha and weed somehow. (13/21)
“Be yourself.” Barney the Dinosaur just called you a “trite, platitudinous hack,” Max. (14/21)
“Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;” ok Max this is pretty good, go on “for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment” right nice just need to bring it home now Max... (15/21)
“...it is as perennial as the grass.” JESUS MAX YOU QUIT YOUR JOB AT 40 TO WRITE FULL TIME DO NOT COMPARE LOVE TO LAWN (16/21)
“But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.” This is lovely, if your idea of a poem is Gandalf giving you a lecture about your blood pressure. (17/21)
The useless fatalism of “And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should” would be easier to take if the author wasn’t writing at a time when he or anyone could still have killed a then-unknown Hitler. (18/21)
Here’s the kicker though. Nanna’s version finished “Be careful. Strive to be happy.” Nice juxtaposition; bit of light and shade. (19/21)
But it’s wrong. The original says “Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” So not “take care but seek fulfilment” but “fake it ‘til you make it.” (20/21)
I remember ‘Desiderata’ as a repository of quiet wisdom and instead it’s just an OH&S manual as drafted by Khalil Gibran. Thanks for retroactively ruining my childhood Max Ehrmann. Go placidly yourself. (/end)
