Can we do middle school choir, too?
6th grade: Soprano I (all-city)
7th grade: Soprano I (all-city)
8th grade: Baritone :(
6th grade: Soprano I (all-city)
7th grade: Soprano I (all-city)
8th grade: Baritone :(
Definitely the most convoluted joy/dysphoria experience of childhood for me.
We were split up for all-city into boys choir and girls choir. Getting selected as a first soprano for All-City Girls Choir was, like, the greatest thing that had ever happened to me up to that point. Like... imagine being a closeted trans girl, and you luck out this way.
I remember my choir director--this big former high school football player--took me aside and was like "You have an incredible voice, so don't feel bad about being in the girl's choir. This is a good thing."
On the outside, I was pretending to be neutral about it.
On the outside, I was pretending to be neutral about it.
I looked at him and said "I'll do my best."
And on the inside? Fireworks. Joy. I had always wanted to be a girl and couldn't talk about it to anyone and here, finally, even if for something as fleeting as all-city choir, I was gonna be one of the girls.
And on the inside? Fireworks. Joy. I had always wanted to be a girl and couldn't talk about it to anyone and here, finally, even if for something as fleeting as all-city choir, I was gonna be one of the girls.
Except, like, on the day of our all-city practice and performance, the other girls and the instructors kept having apologetic looks. They'd be like "Okay, girls, let's get back to work" and then they'd say "Oh! And our gentleman, of course" and look at me.
They were all welcoming and nice, but they took great pains to keep reminding me they saw me as a boy because they wanted me to feel respected and included. And yet, every time they did this, it hurt.
Just levels of irony here for an experience that should have been great.
Just levels of irony here for an experience that should have been great.
I remember when we were released to get changed into our uniforms, all the girls started running to the bathroom to grab the nearest stalls because there would be a line. And I ran with them toward that part of the building where both restrooms were located.
And this girl who was running next to me looked over and said, "Why are you running? You get to use the boy's restroom. You don't have to run."
She said it kinda snidely, too. She was upset she'd have to wait to use one of the stalls.
SIGH, anyway. What a complicated episode.
She said it kinda snidely, too. She was upset she'd have to wait to use one of the stalls.
SIGH, anyway. What a complicated episode.
