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About ten years ago I had a bookie who had a pet piranha. One time he opened his safe to get me some money and all that was in it was a single stack of hundreds, a gun, and a tiny black bag. I asked him what was in the bag...
He opened it and poured out a bunch of loose diamonds on the table. I asked him why he had all these diamonds. “I bought them.” But why? “Because I thought a bunch of diamonds was a cool thing to have in a safe.”
And he was kinda right tbh
One time he offered me some money to rob a jewelry store for him. He knew the girl that worked there and she could tell us the code and let us copy the key he said. It would be zero risk he said. I asked him if I could just get my $200 from him instead.
I have a million stories about him. I was sure he’d end up in jail or something but instead he went broke and got really into animal rights with this woman he was dating.
One time he was into this pump and dump stock scam and he tipped me off to it. I put in $500 and made like $10k. He and his friends made a fortune. He invited me and Katie to Vegas to celebrate with them...
He picked us up at the airport in one of those Arnold Schwarzenegger hummers, like the kind they used in the military.
They had all rented like Ferraris and GTOs and they had been racing them. We stayed in suites and ate at fancy restaurants. It was crazy. I blew about half the money in two days.
I remember I played poker with some famous baseball player and lost a lot of it to Cindy Violette in a single stupid hand.
But these guys would credit card roulette every meal and it was awful. Maybe the most stressful gambling I ever did in my life was sweat a half dozen four figure restaurant tabs that weekend. But luckily I “lost” every time.
Anyway the main guy in the scam went to Germany. They said he made over a million. He left behind this poker club and my bookie took it over while he was gone. But the guy never came back. He never even called. Eventually my friend sold it all off.
Everyone in town was mad at him after that but he said he never wanted to run the place. He said it was too much like a job. I had to respect his commitment to his part. He just wanted to lay out at the lake all day and eat tofutti cuties.
I’m only thinking about him because my 8 year old just asked if we can get a pirhana. That’s gonna be a no from me, pal.
