1. Consider selling a kidney or an eyeball on the black market. God gave you 2 as insurance policy for these times!
3. The 2019 federal Child Tax Credit is now $2000 per child! Better get busy, wink, wink! (see #6 for more info)
5. Collect a $10 fee every time Aunt Mamie tells you are just being dramatic and stop complaining and you should have planned better!
7. Tryout for JEOPARDY! Visit website for more info: jeopardy.com/be-on-j. Be sure to ask if they will advance you winnings!
9. Contact as many friends and neighbors as possible to borrow any extra bootstraps they may have laying around, and then pull on them really hard! No pain, no gain!!!!
Special thanks to Alexandra Petri @petridishes for inspiration!