Thread by @howardtayler

I read Rodney's account of this, and am both appalled and disappointed.

(Also: Bateman's behavior was *never* appropriate. It may have been accepted, but that's not the same thing.)

https://twitter.com/rodneymbliss/status/1091413943736688640

Here's Rodney's write-up: rodneymbliss.com/2019/02/01/the…

There are plenty of apologists out there who will say "it's just a joke" or "lighten up" or "don't be such a snowflake." These people either do not understand how humor can be abused to reinforce a power dynamic, or they're benefiting from it and don't want YOU to know.

As briefly as I can, then, an explanation:
When a person's status is lowered in relation to another person I call it a "comic drop." When we tell jokes about powerful people, jokes which lessen them, we are seeking at some level to balance the power.

When a comic drop fails - when nobody laughs - it's often because the change in status was unfair, or untrue, or unkind in ways the audience just wouldn't accept. Conversely, when the audience DOES laugh, it means they accept it.

When empowered person A makes a joke about marginalized person B, and does so in a way that drops B in status, there is a very subtle dynamic at work. The further lessening of person B, the "put down", only gets laughter if we think 'it's funny because it's true.'

In other words, when we laugh at racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise other-phobic jokes, what we're saying is not "ha ha funny put-down." No, our laughter says "ha ha you really put them BACK IN THEIR PLACE."

So when David Batemen of Entrata says, and I paraphrase, "ha ha all the women here in the audience are only here because the next speaker is a hot guy," his message is "women in tech are just here for the men, am I right?"

And if we laugh, we are saying he IS right.
(HE'S NOT)

"But but but I was just kidding I don't REALLY think the women in tech are just here for the men," he might say.
"Then why did you tell that joke?"
"Because it was funny."
"And why do you think it was funny?"
"Because some of the women ARE just here for the men, right?"
UH-OH.

"No, okay, I mean, it's possible some of them are, and that's a funny thought, yeah?"
UH-OH.
"C'mon, man, I'm just kidding around. It's just locker-room talk. Boys will be boys. Hang on a sec, my Toxic Masculinity medic alert bracelet has a better list."
I AM SURE IT DOES.

Now, in the previous two tweets I performed a particularly vicious comic drop upon poor David Bateman. And you may be laughing, saying "yeah, you sure put him in his place."

His place is still one of power. Maybe he's been stung, or humbled a bit, but he's still a tech CEO.

But wait, there's more. I also, right at the end, equated toxic masculinity to diabetes, epilepsy, and any number of other conditions which might legitimately appear on a medic alert bracelet. Was THAT joke okay?

I'm going to go waaaay out on a limb and say "I don't know." To MY mind I'm dropping misogynists in status by describing their failures as a medical condition. But I don't wear a medic alert bracelet, and I don't know how people who DO wear those things feel about the joke.

I can defend the joke, saying (honestly) that it was never my intent to lessen THEM in status, but by using their situation to lessen someone else, I may have done harm. THAT IS ON ME.

The lesson then, is not "don't tell jokes." The lesson is "be accountable for the jokes you tell." We're all going to offend other people at some point. We must be prepared to listen to them, to apologize for the harm we do, and to learn to be better in the future.

EPILOGUE:
"Geez, Howard. Lighten up. You take humor way too seriously."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Like, as seriously as food, and shelter, and good oral hygiene?"
"Um..."
"Because humor is how I pay for all that stuff, and this tweet just bought me a new toothbrush."