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okay, i have awoken up from my post-ketamine infusion slumber!
the infusion itself was pretty basic - arrived at the doc’s, got set up in a comfy chair after paying, he had to stick me twice to get the IV set
they start with midazolam, which is a benzo that decreases anxiety and fucks with your memory - it’s a little bit like when you’re super drunk and don’t recall what you’re doing while you’re doing it. it always makes me feel borderline euphoric and just generally very good
when administered through an IV, the midazolam tends to kick in very quickly for me, within about three minutes or less
the ketamine was administered via a bag that drip-drip-dripped into my IV over about 45 minutes or so
at the beginning there was a definite sense of disorientation - a bit of dizziness, definite difficulty tracking conversations. colors were very intense (i described them to d as “seeing them in fractals”). time passed very quickly. there are conversations i don’t recollect..
..such as being checked in on a couple of times, and the doc had me do a three minute “meditation” that i don’t really recollect (think like the headspace app)
i brought my kindle but definitely couldn’t track reading. i listened to music (frightened rabbit) and the sounds were very BIG in a good way
for most of it, i felt like my brain was separate from my body, but not in the terrifying way that dysphoria/dissociation usually is. it’s like i was a lagging computer - the instructions i was sending my body was on a delay
so i’d reach for my phone and it would take a little bit before i actually grabbed it. i’d try to type a text message and it would take a bit to actually get the words written out
once the meds were stopped, the feeling of being medicated ended pretty quickly. i was still a little dizzy and definitely couldn’t have driven a car, but felt way more sober. i did end up sleeping for six hours after
when we left the office, i reported to d that i had a pain score of 0 in the moment, which never happens. the pain has remained very low, tho i definitely got a cervicogenic headache from my bulging disc later, after i woke up
here is video of derek chatting with me during the peak of the effects. interestingly, i didn’t love it in the moment but don’t feel negatively about it now. i’m sorry it’s not captioned, i don’t have the energy to caption it (will throw a few bucks to anyone who wants to tho)
and yes, my lazy eye definitely shows up when under relaxing meds like this. also when i’m drunk
anyways my favorite part of this is when i reach out and ask derek if he actually exists lololol
