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1/ It has been exactly one year since I lost my dad. The events that led up to his death are dark, but I think it is important to share what and why it happened as Let me start by introducing my dad...
2/ He was a hard-working, honorable, loving, thoughtful human being. He served several years in the US Army as a medic, but was luckily never sent to Vietnam. He built his career in clothing manufacturing - something his father & mother had done before him. 
3/ My dad was always the life of the party. He would travel regularly to Asia and the Middle East and would always come back with gifts and stories. He was my biggest supporter and we spoke nearly every day about politics, work, and life. Family meant EVERYTHING to him.
4/ It was 11 years ago that our family was hit by its first major blow. My sister began to suffer from mental illness. It was so gradual that if you didn’t know about it, one could never tell anything was wrong. But it got worse.
5/ My sister lost her job, her apartment, her friends... she moved in with my parents who offered everything. But her condition kept deteriorating. She’d spend a few days to a month at a psych ward & would then be released back to my parents w/ no roadmap or long-term options.
6/ My dad began to pay for out-of-pocket programs, doing whatever was out there that could help her. She spent time living on a farm in MA that cost $11K/month. She got thrown out. He got her into a university’s mental program that cost nearly $20K/month. She got thrown out.
7/ There were no options. No help for her condition that was becoming more debilitating. My parents began losing close family friends. Our internal relationships became heavily strained. The helplessness, frustration, & stress my parents endured can not be put into words.
8/ Then my dad got diagnosed w/ an incurable nerve condition called peripheral neuropathy. He said it felt like his body was on fire from the inside & required bi-monthly visits from a nurse to provide plasma transfusions leaving him out of it for days. He continued working.
9/ After exhausting all options on the east coast, my dad decided to move my mom and sister out to CA with the hopes of better treatment, starting a new business, and to be closer to me. At that same time, I was given the opportunity to work at @BuzzFeedNews in New York.
10/ Within a month of me moving back to NYC, my family moved to California. The timing of things was actually comical. But the move to CA did not solve any of his problems.
11/ Mental health facilities in CA were better, but options for long-term treatment & care were virtually non-existent for my sister's condition. And the main financial backer for his new company decided to pull out, leaving him with no investor and no money.
12/ At 70 years old, he was out of a job in a job market and country that provided him with no options. The money that was coming in from Medicare covered next to nothing. He could no longer afford treatment for his neuropathy nor visits to his shrink.
13/ It was at this time, my dad called me asking for help. He started missing payments & soon couldn't afford to pay rent. He kept my mom in the dark & pleaded I not tell her how serious the situation was - all to maintain some level of normalcy for her. Married nearly 50 years.
14/ Meanwhile, I started received packages from Amazon. One contained a notebook that had "Best Son Ever" on the cover. Another with the world's most inspiring speeches on a USB drive and a note saying how proud he was of me and that I should learn from & use these speeches.
15/ I finally made it out to visit. He sat me down & began having a conversation w/ me about not knowing what to do. He couldn't get a job, his now untreated condition was leaving him in constant pain, & he now couldn't afford the roof over his head. I had no answers for him.
16/ We laid next to each other on the couch that night and watched a few episodes of Ken Burns' "The Roosevelts". He said goodnight to me and I could hear him stand outside the bedroom door for a few extra beats before walking back to his room.
17/ My dad shot himself in the heart that next afternoon. I still don't know where or how he got the gun. His last words to paramedics were, "I failed my family."
18/ There is a mental health crisis in this country. The hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars my father spent from his savings to help pay for my sister's treatments should never have been spent in the first place.
19/ Continued cuts to mental health programs & rising healthcare costs have made mental health a bottomless pit of spending. bloomberg.com/news/features/…
20/ There is a baby boomer retirement crisis in this country. That generation has less money in savings, higher expenses due to rising healthcare costs, and larger debt than prior generations. cnbc.com/2018/11/07/one…
21/ My dad had no other options. He didn't want to be a burden. He knew his health would not improve w/out being able to afford care. He knew there would be no job for someone his age and in his declining health. And because of this, he knew he was worth more dead than alive.
22/ No spouse, no parent should ever have to make this decision - especially in the wealthiest country on the planet. You didn't fail us - we failed you. I miss him with all my heart and wish he was still here. I love you dad.
