Thread by @yashkaf

Following up on this, I want to attempt a thread of advice, a gameplan for heterosexual men who unsuccessfully seek romantic relationships. I will turn this and all the good advice YOU add to it into a blog post. 1/

https://twitter.com/yashkaf/status/1153388825269460992

I hope I avoid being condescending or showing off how cool I am with this. I hope you avoid the same in the comments. Before you comment, think if you would say this to your friend or brother who happens to be a romanceless man.

Central thesis: romantic relationships are hard, and require skills that can be practiced in other relationships. It's like levels in a game, you should move on when you've mastered the previous one.

Level 0 - Stop reading red pill, rad fem, incel forums, and other hatemongering. They are all seductive, and all harmful. Your romantic failure is not the fault of the Cathedral, the patriarchy, or Chads and Stacies. It's a personal consequence of personal behavior.

Level 1 - Fix any acute problems in your life. If you're homeless, in prison, or dealing with an acute physical or mental health crisis, you are not in a good position to solve your romantic problems as well.

Manage what can't be fixed. It's tough but not impossible to date while broke, for example. But there's a world of difference between being broke and panicked, and being broke and adapted to a frugal lifestyle.

Level 2 - Build easy, win-win, face-to-face relationships. Your grandma, the new co-worker, your roommate. Practice basic communication skills: being interested in another person, understanding them, being understood.

Gather info on what people like and don't like about talking to you. They smiled when you told that joke? Got upset when you interrupted and mansplained? Take note and practice. Once you know each other a bit, you should actually ask them for feedback.

Level 3 - Read "Mate" by @primalpoly. Build skills that make you generally attractive to everyone: looks, health, confidence, career, intelligence and knowledge, humor, aesthetics. It's hard, but you can 80/20 most things and only go all-in on your biggest strengths.

80/20s: For looks, get a haircut (barber's choice) and clothes that fit. For health, exercise once a week and sleep 8 hours. Do one art thing medoicrely like guitar or sketching.

Measure your progress by how people on the street or casual acquaintances treat you.

Level 4 - Using those broad attractiveness skills, build an offline social life. Invest in a couple of good friends, attend meetups to find a welcoming tribe. Reach out to older people, weird people, people outside your familiar culture. Those will mostly be guys, that's fine.

Level 5 - Time to make friends with women. The friendzone is 100% your friend. Female friends will help you:
- Learn how to interact with women, they communicate differently from men and have different needs and fears.
- Be comfortable touching/hugging etc in a non sexual way.

Female friends will also give you the best personalized dating advice, introduce you to their friends, and provide social proof.

BUT! To make female friends you have to actually like them, respect them, and offer good friendship in return. Friendship can't be instrumental.

Level 6 - Date as much as you can. Put effort in: write a good profile, ask friends for introductions, seek out appropriate flirting venues and go to them.

Dating is a skill that has to be practiced, and dating a lot is the only way to learn what sort of relationships you want and with what kinds of women, and what women want from you. You also need to learn how unique and different each woman and relationship is.

But remember not to neglect the skills and relationships that got you there, the habits and friends of levels 0-5. Building relationships that make both you and a woman happy and fulfilled is a lifelong journey and a skill that few have mastered.
/THE END