Thread by @drjclau

Ok this is happening tonight!!! I’m gonna be livetweeting RIGHT INTO THE DANGER ZONE!!!!

https://twitter.com/drjclau/status/1154910096284979200

Ok we are starting a bit after 7:30 PST but first I’m gonna eat a double cheeseburger with everything on it because that seems fitting for watching this manly testosterone fest

OMG SOOOOOOON #DangerZone

Ok so I’m watching with a few people, including one ex-USAF person. So there’ll be some military commentary I guess

IT IS STARTING OMGGGGG

Wait they’re in the Navy and not the Air Force but there are planes?!?! PLOT TWIST

I wonder how much this movie did recruiting for the military in the 1980s and 1990s

OH MY GOD THEY ARE PLAYING THE DANGER ZONE SONG IT IS STARTING AISHFUWIZJSHSJDHDJ!!!!!

This movie says it is set in “Present Day” LMAO

Sorry but Cougar and Merlin and Maverick and Goose are the worst roller derby names ever

Maybe not Goose

Ok it’s a bunch of dudes flying in the sky in planes

What the heck is a MiG-28

The people in the control room are abnormally sweaty

“Do not fire unless fired upon” said by a US military officer is something that dates the fuck out of this show because that sure as shit would not happen now

Poor Cougar is freaking out. It would be bad to throw up in that face mask thing

Also I like how on Top Gun everyone’s names are in their helmets and you do a custom paint job on your helmet, just like in roller derby

Everyone is so sweaty???

HAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MOUSTACHE

How the fuck could Cougar be number one and Tom cruise be number two if Cougar couldn’t even land a plane food

“You’ll be flying a cargo plane of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong”

What the heck I am personally attacked

“Diversity”

Uggh that other tweet should say “good” and not “food”

About two seconds after I took this picture everyone was dismissed and there were like 3 crotches in tight pants in frame

If this movie is not gay at all I am COMPLETELY SURPRISED

Oh it’s a lady

Oh no baby what is you doing

And then he introduced himself with his callsign 🤦🏻‍♀️

@bitterfish now I can’t stop looking at Tom Cruise’s one giant tooth

Is he trying to pick up a lady in the bathroom?

In case you didn’t know the movie was made by men

Oh ho ho the lady is also an expert and has a PhD!!! 😂

And of course then he tries to challenge everything she says so she doesn’t have authority even if she is supposed to be THE authority on this shit ughhhh

Okay I hate Tom Cruise in this movie now because of that scene

Also on this wall they put everyone’s real last names?? Not their callsigns that they are so proud of??

Half of this movie is white men with helmets and face masks on and they all look the same and I can’t tell who anyone is

Unnecessary barrel rolls to 80s synth music!!

Homerotic locker room talk scene

If Val Kilmer is concerned about Tom Cruise being unsafe is Val Kilmer lawful evil

When your boss yells “I WANT SOME BUTTS!!” 😬

Now it is a serious scene where Goose is all like “I just want to graduate, man” and there’s sad music

This is the most relatable scene in the whole movie so far

Good policy, Doctor airplane lady

NO I AM SO DISAPPOINTED UGH

HOMOEROTIC VOLLEYBALL!!!!!!!!!

What the fuck is this scene and there is no context

When your company picnic has a volleyball pit

What the fuck he just left and went to the lady’s house for a date and didn’t shower or anything but he was all sweaty and sandy after volleyball

Are they even eating anything at this place

There’s no food and they are having glasses of water

Sorry but those eyebrows dude

I am so disappointed in this lady and her choices. THERE WILL BE NO NEXT DATE

What the fuck is this supposed to be a disguise

Okay this scene is cute

Also EVERYONE IS STILL SO FUCKING SWEATY

“Up there, if you think, you’re dead”

Well that explains a LOT about Tom Cruise

In this scene I yelled out “FUCK THIS GUY I FUCKING HATE HIM”

Oh she jumped in her car

I hope she runs him over

This is the worst sex scene I’ve ever seen

Oh look he also does origami

I still hate him

🎶 You are
My fire
My one
Desire 🎶

More plane drills

YOU HAD ONE JOB MAVERICK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

Ok the Top Gun soundtrack is cheesy as fuck but I fucking LOVE it

“He’s too close for mistakes, I’m switching to guns”

*literally has a switch that says “missles” and “guns”*

HOMOEROTIC SHOWER SCENE

Val Kilmer is sucking in his stomach a lot

@VG_Cowboy: “I want this as an anime”

Oh look Maverick is apologizing to Goose again about how he won’t let him down AGAIN

This is some manipulative bullshit

This is supposed to be cute and wholesome but NOOOOO

WHERE ARE YOUR HELMETS

I WENT TO THE DANGER ZONE!!!!!

This shaky ass camera work makes me want to throw up my double cheeseburger

Oh no Maverick fucked yo

Nooooooo Goose!!

Those fucking tighty whities

Oh what the fuck Viper just gave the worst pep talk. “You fucked up and Goose is dead. But other people will also die. So that’s okay. Let it go.”

How about “your reckless bullshit killed your friend and you are a fucking piece of shit”

You made Meg Ryan cry, you asshole

Court martial!!

Oh OF COURSE he isn’t found responsible. Something something white men something legal system something

Maybe he shouldn’t get back in a plane right away after all that??

They’re playing sad and contemplative music but Tom Cruise says if you think up there you’re dead so maybe he will die

Val Kilmer looks like my lesbian gym teacher from high school

Rockstar mentality ughhh

This is what is wrong with the games industry

Okay this is seriously like some roller derby shit where you don’t know if you should use someone’s real name or their callsign. Who the fuck is Mike or Pete or Bob in the movie

80s FASHION

How does one blow sunshine up ones ass? Is this even a turn of phrase or did Viper just make this shit up

In case it wasn’t obvious this movie is horrible but I can’t stop watching this shitshow

Is their graduation at like a hotel lobby or something

So sweaty

Training to be sweaty as fuck

Footage of planes!!!! There are planes in this movie?!?!?

Some guy just said he was getting a hardon from the fact there were bogeys in case you forgot you were watching Top Gun

They are REALLY bad at counting bogeys. They said four and then there were five. Before they said one and there were actually two. And now they just said four when there were actually six. Like maybe this is a comment on the American education system

Airplane fight!

HE FLEW THROUGH JET WASH AGAIN

Maybe jet wash is the best weapon they have

1. Fucking fire your guns
2. He is losing his shit but he’s okay to keep flying okayyy
3. THISE EYEBROWS

There is a lot of unspecified shouting from lots of white men who look the same in this scene

KABOOM SOMEONE DIED

Why don’t these men stop shouting and calm down

USA IS NUMBER ONE

Tom Cruise has avenged Goose’s death by killing more people that had nothing to do with Goose’s death

Val Kilmer to Tom Cruise: “YOU CAN BE MY WINGMAN ANYTIME”

Me: Now kiss

Me: Now this is grudge fuck time

Tom Cruise just threw Goose’s dog tags into the sea like WTF MAYBE MEG RYAN WANTED THOSE DOG TAGS

Tom Cruise just said he wants to be a Top Gun instructor

No

This guy has the fucking worst pedagogical methodology

“You’ve lost that lovin’ feelin” sounds 600x better when it’s not being crowdsourced by a bunch of drunken Top Gun asshats

DANGER ZONE IS NOT PLAYING FOR THE CREDITS WTF

Random Harry Potter reference?!PETER PETTIGREW HAS A SNAKE THEMED CALLSIGN WHAT THE FUCK!!?!

Okay and that’s the movie. I shouted a lot and now I have a headache from raging at Tom Cruise

We’re going to watch Generation Kill now, but thank you for going on this fucking wild ride of a shit show into the Danger Zone with me!

Goddamnit that should say “missiles” not “mistakes” but this whole movie is a fucking mistake