Thread by @garius

<Number 10. The Garden>

HAMMOND: This the worst party I've been to in a while. The food is bad, nobody wants to make eye contact and everybody is trying to fuck everyone else.
LIDINGTON: Rees-Mogg seems to be enjoying it
HAMMOND: Of course he is. It's exactly like Public School.

LIDINGTON: Why are we here again?
HAMMOND: Gauke wants us to gauge out which way people will jump
LIDINGTON: Right. We should probably stay off the booze then
HAMMOND: Agreed
WILLIAMSON: Gentlemen. The Leader welcomes you.
HAMMOND <aside>: Waiter! Wine please! Leave the bottle

WILLIAMSON: Witness! The Leader is good to his friends.
LIDINGTON: The sandwiches?
WILLIAMSON: Yes
LIDINGTON:
WILLIAMSON: And vol au vents
HAMMOND:
WILLIAMSON: They're from Pret.
HAMMOND <sarcastic>: Well fuck me, hold the phones! I'll call Barnier and let him know you're serious

HAMMOND: I'll say this for Randolph, at least he's opened up the wine cellar for this.
WILLIAMSON: Stop calling The Leader that!
HAMMOND: What?
WILLIAMSON: Randolph
HAMMOND: Why? I thought he idolised Churchill
WILLIAMSON: Not that one.
HAMMOND: Really? Could have fooled me.

WILLIAMSON: I find your lack of faith in The Leader disturbing!
HAMMOND: You're Education Secretary, Gavin. Not Grand Moff Tarkin
LIDINGTON: That was Vader
HAMMOND: Really? Never pegged you as a fan
LIDINGTON: John Williams 👌
HAMMOND: Ah
WILLIAMSON: Are you two listening to me?!

WILLIAMSON: Right now, The Leader is out there giving all you traitorous MPs a piece of his mind!
LIDINGTON: Right now?
WILLIAMSON: Yes!
LIDINGTON: Out there?
WILLIAMSON: Yes!
LIDINGTON: But we're all in here, Gavin
WILLIAMSON:
LIDINGTON:
WILLIAMSON: Shit.
HAMMOND: Pure Randolf

GOVE: wAS tHAt GaVIn?
HAMMOND: Yes
GOVE: hE LoOKeD aNGrY
LIDINGTON: Should you be talking to us?
GOVE: nOT rEALLy. cuMMIngS wON't liKE iT
LIDINGTON: Is it strange having another Horror in Cabinet
GOVE: oH hE's huMAN.
HAMMOND: Really?!
GOVE: yEs. aLL tHE trULY awFuL crEATuRes aRE

HAMMOND: Wait, Cummings ISN'T one of yours?
GOVE: ceRTAInLY nOT. I muST iNFLicT PaIN, suFFERiNG aND chAOs on huMANIty. BuT aT LeASt i DOn'T gET exCITed aBOut iT.
LIDINGTON: He does?
GOVE: oH YeS. pLuS He sTiLL hAS hIs OwN BLoG.
HAMMOND: Christ. How awful.

LIDINGTON: It must be satisfying being in a Cabinet that is genuinely evil, though?
GOVE: I sUPPoSe
HAMMOND: You don't sound enthused
GOVE: iT'S juST sO FoRCed. A coNSTAnt quEST for tHE 'oNE COoL trICk' tO beAT paRLiameNT
HAMMOND: Ah
GOVE: iT's gOVERnMEnt bY RedDIT thREad.

GOVE: aNYwaY. GoOdByE. tHE PuPPy hAS arrIVed
HAMMOND: Ah. Another attempt to distract people. Cruel on the dog
GOVE: dISTRacTion? iT's DiNnER
LIDINGTON: Wait, what?
GOVE: iT's mY cThuBEr eATs oRDer. i'M staRVinG
HAMMOND: Well that's... horrifying
GOVE: i mUSt gO. iT WiLL geT cOLd

HAMMOND: Did you ever think we'd reach a point where the person who eats puppies was only the fifth most horrifying member of the government?
LIDINGTON: Not really. This is hardly our finest hour, is it?
STEPHEN: Gentlemen
HAMMOND: Oh fuck THIS. I'm going to the bar

STEPHEN: Phil! We can still be friends!
LIDINGTON: Do you know what fascism REALLY is, Stephen?
STEPHEN:
LIDINGTON: It's not men in silly hats with skulls on. That's just TV. Fascism is small men, in big jobs, trying to justify terrible things
STEPHEN:
LIDINGTON: Goodbye Stephen.

END OF THREAD BITS:

Like this? YAY! Brexit Tapes starts WAY BACK HERE:

https://twitter.com/garius/status/1062983853260918784?lang=en

Still time to back the book: unbound.com/books/the-brex…

And if you REALLY like it, I'd LOVE a digital coffee 😉 ko-fi.com/garius