Thread by @LaraAdamsMille1

Okay. This is an exceptionally detailed and honest account by a crossdressing fetishist of his “journey” to realizing he is a “lesbian.”

We need to unpack this, because, if you embrace transgenderism and self-ID and all roads to “woman,” you’re welcoming in a LOT of these types.

1. “I am a man.” But, by the end of the post, he is claiming to be a lesbian. YOU CANNOT BE BOTH.

2. Raised by active military — remember that these men are raised with rigid, old-school gender norms. In order for “woman” to be a vacation, there must be a distance to travel.

3. The first thing to draw him toward his “femme self” isn’t anything to do with discomfort with his own body, or even his social role. It’s lingerie catalogues.

“I remember dreaming/fantizing what it would feel like to have satin on my skin… the journey began.”

4. Boundary violations, taking the possessions of girls as, in part, a proxy for actual sexual contact.

“when ever I got the chance I would go into which ever girls room I was near and find some nice soft panties.”

He expresses no guilt about these violations.

“Entered the Navy right after high school.”

5. Military man — He sees the world as properly being populated by G.I. Joes and Barbies, with little interest in anything in between.

(Cont.)

It’s a mistake to see these men as truly gender-non-conforming. They’re the OPPOSITE.

They don’t want to be gnc men. They’re defensive and shameful of the very idea. No. They’re enacting how they believe women should ideally present themselves, and it’s NOT gnc.

“Didn’t see her again until I got [out of basic].”

6. Desisted or experienced decreased interest in high school and early college (enlistment in this case).

Very common for AGPs, who are usually at least mid-20s before they begin to identify as women. Gay men do this younger.

“Had my own place and I was alone trying to find myself. There she was to help me through the stress and aloneness. For 15 years I was able to dress her whenever I wanted in my tiny apartment. She made me feel better. Helped me sleep.”

7. Habit solidifies into addiction.

“And I named her Jennifer. After a good friend who I had a huge crush on.”

8. The “woman within” modeled after a real, unattainable woman. An AGP’s “femme” self is a combination of women he knows as well as sexualized archetypes from when he was maturing sexually.

(8, Cont.)

This fetish has some motivators similar to necrophilia, or “drugged/asleep” porn, or sex dolls. He wants to possess and play with the woman of his dreams, but on his own terms, and in a context with no emotional risk.

How better to accomplish that than “become” her?

“But being the shy guy that I was and the kinda guy that didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings I never asked her out. Plus I wasn’t really sure how ask her. I was never taught that stuff. My Jennifer never said no, liked the fancy silky clothes. So I got her what she deserved.”

🔺 Disturbing, but such clear insight into the mechanics of the compulsion.

Pause first to appreciate the projection of him saying he doesn’t want to hurt HER feelings by asking her out, which, unless I missed something, clearly could only hurt his.

“My Jennifer never said no.”

9. So important to pay attention here, because he’s creating a “woman” who’s absolutely not human. He loves her because she ISN’T a whole human woman - they’re the kind he avoids, choosing instead to dress and adorn and make love to “his” Jennifer.

(9, Cont.)

Why so crucial: Because these men go on to say they know they feel how a woman feels and want to live “as women.”

How the hell would they know?? They build a fantasy out of panties & wigs, create a play personality for her, all in accordance with their male desires.

(9, Cont.)

They do this for DECADES, but are so deeply sure of the reality and goodness of cultural gender — as such existed in their childhoods — that they feel they know enough. Anything observed in women that doesn’t fit is written off as being for the “wrong kind” of woman.

“Then my wife found us, recused us from the crappy job and crappy mold infested apartment. My Jennifer was shelved.”

10. When a relationship with a woman develops, he idealizes her, “creating” her much like he did “his Jennifer.” For a time, he can control his urge to dress.

“My Jennifer was shelved. Her namesake was my best man at our wedding. She was the second most beautiful lady there, after my wife of course.”

Just pausing here to acknowledge how incredibly creeped out this makes me feel. It’s been 15+ years, and he still sees her this way.

“This last few years we have had some ups and downs. We found out we may not be able to have kids. Kinda crushed us. Found out I have low T. Now taking testatrone shots.”

11. It’s not explicitly stated, but erectile dysfunction is common in these men after the honeymoon period.

“Then I decided it was time. I dusted Jennifer off and we tired on new outfits. Every time I stress she got a item of clothing.”

12. Enough time in the relationship for his wife to become a real person means he must return to his addiction, that perfect woman, his proxy.

“Mostly panties, and maternity tights(those are awesome and super comfy). A nice soft bra here and there.“

13. We’re a good 20 YEARS into his “playing woman” career, and it’s still pretty much just underwear and masturbation.

AGPs are NOT holistic in their sense of “woman.”

“I felt ok. But deep down I felt something might be wrong with me. I didn’t feel like myself.”

14. He’s depressed. His only coping mechanism, crossdressing, isn’t working anymore. But he doesn’t think to look at the WHY of it, only how he might get his hands on MORE of it.

“The feminism I had stored away inside me flooded up.”

(rubbing my eyes)

15. I hardly know what to say about this, except to mention that these men have NO self-awareness when it comes to the misogyny and sexism in their views.

They have no idea of what a woman is. None.

“I felt that I wanted to be a woman, in all their glory.”

16. Pedestal. Again. Women aren’t people to him. They’re Madonnas & whores, clothes & makeup.

Our “glory” isn’t something you buy in a catalogue or apply with a brush.

This is damn insulting, but it gets much worse...

“I wanted to know what they felt and for the first time I knew I had a lesbian trapped inside of me. I looked at all the gay women I knew and I saw pieces of myself in all of them.”

17. Notice that he describes his “inner woman” first in terms of her sexuality. (cont.)

(17., cont.)

The first thing he must define to us is her orientation. This is both because he must assure us that HE isn’t gay (homophobia everywhere in this crowd), and also because he is most excited about the prospect of sex and relationships with women AS a “woman.”

(17., cont.)

And he “looks at” the “gay women” and decides he’s like them. This works on the assumption that he UNDERSTANDS them, which he doesn’t. If he actually looked at all, he’d notice, for example, that we spend very little time amassing lingerie and high-heeled shoes.

(17., cont.)

They stay so convinced they’re really like lesbians. They create a MALE FANTASY of a woman — the last way one might wisely approach figuring out what a lesbian is — and call it good.

Because it’s about being the ideal woman, and she doesn’t dare correct a man.

“I know that some day Jennifer will be able to be more free and open.”

18. Translation: He won’t stop until he transitions.

But I don’t see him telling his wife anytime soon. He’ll try to have children with her first. Then he’ll see if she’ll be a lesbian for him.

“I love all of you so much.”

19. I could write an entire long thread about how these men will support each other emotionally in these CD online spaces. It’s fascinating; I rarely, if ever, witness this among men in real life, and NEVER among old-school military men.

You need to read this person’s post and really take it in, because THIS is the path of many men who are now counting themselves “one of the girls,” a “lesbian.” But they’re so, so clearly not.

They’re LESS “one of the girls” than most men, because they believe we can be built.

I believe that some sex-based behavioral differences exist, but I KNOW they don’t involve secretly hoarding underwear to masturbate into.

If THIS is the thing that led him to believe he’s a woman — how can we take that seriously? How can we insult women by acting in agreement?

How can we invite someone into vulnerable, sex-segregated spaces when they were drawn and continue to be drawn to womanhood for primarily sexual motivations (whatever he may say to his gender therapist)?

How can we force women and children to take him into their trust?

His “path to womanhood” consists of objectifying women and violating their spaces, excitedly celebrating a hypersexual concept of the women he finds attractive. That’s what misogynistic MEN do, not other women. His very BASIS for claiming womanhood — is MALE.

I want to finish by saying that I’m not grossed out by the fetish. I’ve known a lot of kinky people who were also really great. This isn’t me shaming the fetish. This is me suggesting we call it what it is, a compulsion BUILT FROM sexist, regressive ideas of gender and sexuality.