Well, it's been two years since my last drink of alcohol. If you're quietly struggling, here are a few thoughts. I hope one or two help.
I've found it helpful to think of it less as a rejection of drinking and more of an adventure in pursuing clarity.
Never drinking again is way too much pressure, so I just don't drink right now. Trick is, it's always right now.
People are much more supportive than I thought they would be. I've had colleagues quietly ask if I'm cool for a client meeting at a pub, etc. People are more supportive and less judgemental than you might fear. They cheer you on.
I found it helpful not to tell anyone I'd stopped until I was a few months in. I knew the pressure of failing them would get me drinking in secret. And I knew I'd failed many times before.
Livers are tough. Mine was back down to normal size and no longer aching after about two months. I often thought, "Well, it's too late for me anyway." It wasn't.
But livers aren't invincible. I spent a lot of time reading about how tough livers were and thinking, "Well, I can worry about this later..." Just fooling myself.
If you find yourself wondering if you've hit rock bottom yet, that's probably far enough down, isn't it?
There's a kind of pop-culture romance around being a high-functioning alcoholic. I had worked it into a point of pride. I even believed that it made me better at my job. I was fooling myself.
I did not quit because I was strong, but I became stronger through the experience of quitting.
Perspective is difficult. When you're in that hole, especially if no one really knows, you feel utterly alone in a cage of strategies and tactics of your own creation.
You're not alone.
You're not alone.
I failed many times before I succeeded. There was no indication of why this time was different. So just try and try again.
There are many bonuses. One is that every day is a win, whatever else is going on.
These have been the best two years of my life. Good luck.
