1/ Thank you to @KieranSnyder for sharing this with me. The concept of "enmeshment" resonates so much w/ me both for founders and investors.
Enmeshment is when boundaries between 2 people, or perhaps a person and job, become blurred.
Loss of identity.
hbr.org/2019/12/what-h…
Enmeshment is when boundaries between 2 people, or perhaps a person and job, become blurred.
Loss of identity.
hbr.org/2019/12/what-h…
2/ I’ve talked a fair amount about the mental health challenges of being a founder – including loneliness, jealousy, exhaustion. What I think this article is helping me to do is to really get more specific on diagnosing a key issue.
3/ The part about career achievements being valued in the family does not resonate. That has not been a stress I have felt with my wife. The part about career achievements being valued in my community hits home in a big and difficult way.
4/ I find this concept of enmeshment particularly painful – and persistent- in San Francisco. It is one of the few single industry town (or at least it feels like it) which leads to compare yourself with other folks in tech much more frequently and easily.
5/ “what do you do” leads to “how many people work there now?” or “who are the investors” or “what round are you guys now?” Various questions that all, in my experience, lead to “how successful/powerful are you and how much money are you going to make?”
6/ People in a friend group become more or less successful and move to different friend groups -more so than any community I’ve lived in before. It is a brutal cycle – in part because it leads to a comparison game that can’t be won.
7/ There is always someone with a tech company that is more successful, more impactful, more loved by users.
More something. Always more something.
More something. Always more something.
8/ That "More something" leads to less vulnerability. More posturing. More jealousy.
At least thats my experience.
At least thats my experience.
9/ The thought about building activities outside of work resonates with me a lot too. The happiest folks in this community that I have seen seem to be those that have at least one (and usually just 1) really strong hobby outside of work.
10/ I don't know if there are other takeaways but my main one was just really appreciating the concept of enmeshment.
