Thread by @ArmaniTalks

When you try killing the ego, you get a 'nice guy.'

A people pleaser who gets pushed around.

Don't try to impress humans.

That's when you'll see their dirty disgusting sides.

Impress yourself. Build your confidence

That's when you'll attract those who matter

'Whoa there buddy! So you're telling me not to be nice?'

Correct.

'What's wrong with nice?'

It's an ineffective social practice.

'What should I be then?'

Be real.

'Hmmm....'

👇

Being real is earned though.

'How come we weren't born real?'

We were born real.

A little kid shows their authentic side.

But as we grow up, we are conditioned with social norms.

Social norms help society and allow us from acting like pigs.

Politeness is good.

But overly being overly dependent on social norms creates the 'nice guy.'

The nice guy is different than the kind guy.

☆The nice guy is polite + real OR fake.

☆The kind guy is polite + real.

The reason I said the nice guy is real or fake is because authenticity is their not priority.

Approval is.

And chasing approval is when you allowed social norms to warp your behavior into someone you can't fully recognize.

An excessive of anything = Bad.

Heres the thing though.

Look at some of the most confident people you know.

Found em?

'Yes.'

Ask them if they ever had a period in their life where they were the nice guy.

'Clearly they will say no!'

Incorrect.

Many of the most confident people you know spent a stage or 2 as the nice guy.

They became overly dependent on social norms & they chased approval

'So what caused them to change?'

Trauma.

'Trauma turned someone confident?'

No. Confidence was a byproduct.

What trauma taught was the reality of human nature.

The nice guy saw that people pleasing is a band aid to an amputated arm strategy.

Doesn't work

Trauma can happen in many forms.

Getting fired
Cheated on
Accused of something you didn't do
Backstabbed etc

And typically the nice guy got backstabbed by someone they were chasing the approval of

Which stings

But this ends up being a good thing.

'Good thing how?? That sounds awful.'

It's awful now.

But it allows the nice guy to do some soul searching.

Something a book without experience can't give ya

The nice guy was driving a car.

But he was only able to see what was in front of him.

The rearview, side mirrors were covered in dirt...

Blinding his peripherals & vision

Then a massive storm arose (the trauma).

The car had trouble driving (nice guy hits rock bottom).

The vision is clouded, but the car continues to move forward.

Slowly.

But in the right direction

Once the storm passes... things feel different.

The nice guy looks around.

The mud has been washed away.

He now has vision of the rearview & side mirrors.

Perspective has been enhanced

Your ego is a tool. It is an extension of you.

But it becomes maximized when you are operating with more perspectives.

That's when you tame it.

You react less & think things thru deeply

An untamed ego can cause you to take a few paths...

The path of a belligerent clown how is close minded

A nice guy whose main goal is to do get approval

A nice guy is selfish in some ways because they subconsciously have a 'what's in it for me mentality'

But not the good kind

When the ego becomes tamed, you realize you are a PIXEL in the entire picture.

You realize you're the main character of your world.

But not someone elses.

This allows you to see the situation for what it is

This is when your mind shifts from:

Approval seeking -> Authenticity

Breaking out of the nice guy mold and returning back to the roots is a tough process

But any change that reshapes you from within is tough

Solider thru it

That's how ya blossom into a grander self

Aim to be kind, not nice.

Build yourself up after you've been broken.

Confidence is built during tough times. So it's all gonna one day make sense.

Keep grindin'

For more practical social tips, check out the Armani Archives Social Dynamics Edition

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