Thread by @UrsulaV

Well, Internet, we have had Chicken Drama this morning! Kevin went out to discover the Fabulous Houdan Brothers had run off into the woods together.

Herding chickens is...difficult. Even two chickens who have to stay together and can’t see past their own feathered faces.

“It would help if you two helped herd and didn’t just take photos!” he cried.
“You want the dog?” said Shep.
“No...”
Five minutes later, he wanted the dog.

Beamer the border collie had been going frantic in the window because Kevin was Herding Things Wrong. Unleashed, he charged out to put things right!

Shep gave orders. “Beamer, walk up. Beamer, lie down. Good boy. Come by. No, come BY you asshole. Good boy. Beamer, lie down. Beamer DROP THE CHICKEN. Good boy.”

(All chickens fine and unharmed.)

“Beamer, walk up. Ursula, walk up.”
“Uh...”
“URSULA WALK UP.”
“...yes’m.”

Our best bet was to get them into the Rooster Emeritus pen nearby, then catch and transfer. Lorge saw a Fabulous Houdan Brother and...began making sexy rooster noises at him. Okay. That was a trifle awkward for everyone.

Then Lorge saw A DOG. And Beamer saw another knot of chickens in the wrong place!

BEAMER: gotta herd gotta herd
SHEP: Beamer, walk up!
LORGE: YOU SONOFUVABITCH YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE...!!

The bulk of a rooster the size of Lorge hitting a chicken wire fence is sufficient to deform it substantially outward. “Beamer come by!” said Shep, a bit frantically, while Lorge spit insults on Beamer’s parentage, habits, faith and appearance.

But this dog is a professional. The two Fabulous Brothers were herded through the gate. “That’ll do, Beamer. Good boy.”
“Don’t I get a that’ll do?”
“That’ll do, Ursula. Good author.”

Lorge walked up to the Fabulous Brothers. I think he may have burbled at them. They screamed at ran away. Lorge, secure in his masculinity, sat down in some pine straw and watched Kevin run around the pen trying to catch them.

It should be noted that Fabulous Brothers talk to each other constantly, rather like bonded hens. It sounds like they are constantly saying “Bro? Bro? Are you there bro? The alien is after us again, bro! Oh god bro, where are you?!”

Kevin finally managed to pitch them out of the Emeritus pen into the main pen, where they retreated into a corner to go “Bro? Are you ok, bro? That dog grabbed you, bro! Bro, I know! Bro! Bro!”

And here is a good proud boy who made it all possible!