Thread by @UrsulaV

Okay! I got a prescription for an ADHD med!
ME: Is this like an SSRI with a ramp up?
DR: Heh. No. You’ll know immediately.
ME: Immediately?
DR: It’s not like a punch in the face, but yeah, you’ll know.

DR: This is a controlled substance so you have to call 5 days in advance for a refill.
ME: OH MY GOD DID YOU NOT SEE THE DIAGNOSIS ON THE CHART ABOUT THE ADHD
DR: ...do your best, we’ll make it work.

Literally my only reference for this is the episode of King of the Hill where Bobby goes on Ritalin and says “The milk is about to go bad. And...there...it...goes...”

Wow, this stuff is no joke. I had to pee in a cup and show ID.

OOOF. $243 for the meds. On top of $260 for the ones to keep my stomach from devouring my esophagus.

I now pay more for meds than for my Mom’s rent.

OKAY INTERNET WE ARE DOIN’ THIS. FIRST ADHD MED DOWN THE HATCH!

...ok, I don’t actually know what I’m supposed to do while I wait for it to kick in. Take a nap? Play Pokémon Mystery Dungeon? Try to write this book?

For everyone asking, this is Vyvanse, which apparently doesn’t have the interaction warnings with my other brain meds.

Okay, it's definitely kicked in a bit. I am a trifle tingly and my head feels weird. Also it's very quiet in here.

Weirdly quiet.

When I am not thinking a thought, nothing is being thunk. Uh. Okay, that may not be clear, let me try that again. If I am not thinking one central thought, no thoughts are being thought at all.

There is a chipping sparrow on the feeder, which isn't unusual, but it seems to be in breeding plumage already, because the head is REALLY red, which is odd for March. Should be in April.

I saw the bird, wondered what it was, then looked it up. Then I knew. Then I wrote another two hundred words of this book. I have no idea if this is a symptom of anything.

The problem is that when you know something is supposed to be going on in your head, you way overanalyze it, so I don’t know if this is really a thing or if I am talking my brain into it because I know I’m on something.

1700 words, dealt with email, argued on the internet, approved a PDF. Time seems to have jumped rather dramatically forward as well. How is it 6:30? It was just 4 a few minutes ago?

Like, this is good productive stuff! I feel good about this. Also my cheekbones feel heavy and the inside lining of my skull feels vaguely like that egg-carton foam mattress stuff against my brain.

...Imma go weed something.

Attempts at garden puttering detailed by the fact that I am apparently Fighting On Twitter Now but that’s a me problem and I cannot in good conscience claim it’s the meds.

But I did finally take grow bags up front like I’ve been meaning to for ages.

Food is not interesting. Like, I ate it, but only because everyone else was eating. It’s not nausea, it’s just...meh, food.

Note to self: Just because you are concentrating more easily for longer periods does not mean you can go into the garden without gloves. Quite the opposite.

Okay, so all this time, some tiny little part of my brain has been going “What if it’s not ADHD, what if you are so lazy and looking for an excuse that you FOOLED THE THERAPIST?”

But I just took a wallop of speed and I am like...chill. I stared at birds and stopped thinking.

I have never recreationally done speed, nor do I have plans to, but am I wrong in thinking that it does not make normal people suddenly sit quietly for three hours and work to a deadline?

Like, I am on an amphetamine here and I sat in a chair and made wordcount. I think....I really, truly, have the ADHD?

UPDATE: Fell asleep fine, slept like the dead until the cat woke me up at 6 am. Then...

ME: I’ll just go back to sleep.
BRAIN: bluebirds china plates death is only the absence of pizza hello! hello! bunnies remember that Star Trek episode where the corpses sat up remember that crested caracaras exist hello! here’s a book you read at 20!
ME: Ah. Meds wore off, I see.

BRAIN: what if the chickens die what if Shep secretly hates me but can’t leave because sheep what if the roosters fight okay here’s a scenario here’s another one oh god what if Kevin loses his job and we all die in a ditch next to Walmart because no one buys anymore books what if

VYVANSE: You want me to clear these guys out for you, ma’am?
ME: Yes please.
VYVANASE: *cracks knuckles ominously* We can do this the hard way or the easy way, brain.
BRAIN:
BRAIN: SO HEY THAT BOOK WE WERE WRITING
MEA: holy shit they weren’t kidding about the anxiety ADHD thing