Thread by @gindaanis

If you've ever wondered why penises come in different sizes, the Anishnaabeg of Lac Seul have a story for that.

From Ojibwe Legends from Lac Seul, told by Christine Ningewance, written by Patricia Ningewance

These stories were told to Patricia and her siblings as children.

A long time ago, things were very different back then, not like today. There were spirits everywhere, there were creatures that existed that don't exist now. Life was very difficult. There was much to be afraid of

A woman was living in the forest at this time. She had a husband. But she was not married to an ordinary human being. She was married to a giant penis. That's what it looked like, this thing she was married to.

It didn't have any legs. It had no arms nor a head like we have heads. It did not look human at all. It just looked like a large penis because that's what it was.

It was also very cruel to her. Everywhere they went, she had to pull it along on a large sled. Even in the cold weather, she had to haul her husband.

Then one day she could not live like that anymore.

She killed her husband. She hit it hard with an axe. She chopped her husband up into pieces. Then she scattered the small pieces in the snow. Those pieces of penis spread out through the snow and magically small penises sprang up from the snow.

They were the size of what is now normal size.

And so she said at that time, "From now on, this will be the size of that thing. In the future, it will never again be so big that it bullies human beings."

And so that is why today, the penis is the size that it is. Some are bigger than others, and some smaller, but they are never giant like that first one.

This is a fun story, particularly since it was told to children but I have to wonder if it's a cautionary tale against domestic violence and sexual assault. I suspect so.

Lesson: don't be a dick to your wife, she'll cut you and you'll have it coming.