Thread by @usnehal

It’s taken me years, but am finally learning how to not get sucked into imbalanced situations. Much of life was a “pleaser”, then a service profession surrounded by anxious parents. Yes, my work has often been on caring for vulnerable, voiceless, abused. Now I focus on systems.

I’ve always had a range of friendships, balanced and not so much. Often, I (am made to) feel like I have excessive privilege compared to someone else who had experienced various types of abuse and harm - tho, in fact tending to others can be a way to avoid processing own stuff.

I am not here to fix anyone else. We can support each other to find own way. When you become direct, especially in female friendships, may become more of an introvert 😂
I find women, often are so depleted & traumatized they want “safe spaces” and validation.

I like the truth.

Being a woman is rough. Bleeding every month w/ associated symptoms & diseases, having breasts, all of it is pretty annoying. I HATE having to think about that when (when we could travel) I want to jump on a plane/in a car & go climb mountains. Men never think about it. Carefree.

My friendships have evolved to more active & action oriented. Where are we going hiking? What new project are you working on? And, as always, discussing current affairs.

If someone wants to focus on pain/trauma, frankly, that is best dealt within a neutral space of therapy.

I met a woman just starting this. In a lot of ways she reminds me of me tho from a very different field. Also comes from a “polite” culture where women should be “nice”, seems to be running around trying to solve everyone else’s problems. Initially I felt very connected.

Pause..

https://twitter.com/usnehal/status/1227240490397052928

That is a period of my life I don’t think a lot about.

It is not where my energy needs to go if I’m seeking to create a start up. I need my creative energy forward focused, not backwards focused.

I decided in which domains I wished to support and how much. More rational.

A friend of mine reflected with me, why I have in the past ended up in some odd situations, that
-I just meet a lot of people to begin with
-other people, when they sense something “off” step back
-my curiosity about people causes me to step forward
-I get latched onto & stuck

I DO find human beings really fascinating. My friends are rarely cookie-cutter mainstream but the people who have purple hair or spend a year learning tango. In medicine, it is the crazy advocates protesting on streets and quirky community health folks. In MPH found my peeps.

It gets hard as people move away or into the burbs and have kids to keep up. But we manage. There was a period my city-based crowd was thru salsa but Boston is so transient for many, they scattered. I end up then among folks of chic parties but way too much accumulated trauma.

Sometimes it feels like there is an obligation to swap stories of trauma when in fact maybe we just need to move on.

There’s some stories that when someone asks, I try to remember & don’t remember the details. I just don’t care. It feels irrelevant.

I want to build things.

This isn’t the best article but the brain is constantly pruning synapses. We can choose which synapses we want to keep strong and which ones we want to allow to wither. Earlier in my life I felt like I need approve my “grit.” Now, I pick healthy settings.

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/P…