Thread by @Soundsaboutrig4

Oh, man. It is insanely coincidental that I am eating at this lunch place. See there is a couple right beside me and it’s their first date.

This is totally real and not some contrived attempt to go viral.

So the guy is going "This is first date. How crazy this first date. I hope no one listens to us on our first date and posts about it on twitter. That would be crazy because it'll go viral and whoa...we can totally go 'We're couple' and then tell people we are getting married."

And the girl said in response "I would totally find it crazy if this was posted on twitter. I mean I doubt this would happen since only freaking weirdos eavesdrop on other people's conversations and post it word for word on twitter. Like...what would be wrong with them?"

Oh, they are now

*burps*

Sorry. I am totally eating food just like them.

They are now discussing quantum mechanics. Wow! HOw WacKY!!!

They are now talking about their intimate histories with other humans. It turns out the guy is annoyed that the girl once dated his brother. He is now standing up and yelling about it.

People don't believe that this is happening. WHY DOUBT ME WHEN I AM TOTALLY NOT MAKING THIS UP.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME? HERE'S A CREEPY PHOTO I TOOK OF THESE TOTAL STRANGERS TO PROVE YOU ALL WRONG!!!!

Now the girl is telling the guy off. She is saying that it isn't his business who she dated in the past.

Everyone in the room clapped. I started the round of applause. We then carried her around the room on our shoulders.

The guy has fallen to the ground and is begging for fogiveness. He then calls his brother and his brother just showed up.

HOLY COW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111

THE BROTHER JUST PROPOSED TO THE GIRL AND SHE SAID YES!!!!

I got a photo to prove it!!

They just invited me to the wedding. I am going to be the best man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's the wedding. I was best man and it was great!!!!

They are off on their honeymoon and I just got back to work from lunch.

WHAT A WACKY DAY THAT TOTALLY HAPPENED AND WASN'T MADE UP SO PEOPLE WOULD BLINDLY LIKE IT BECAUSE I'M A SHALLOW JABRONI WHO FINDS VALIDATION ONLY IN THE ARBITRARY LIKES OF TOTAL STRANGERS!!!

Remember to follow me so I can hit 10 billion subscribers before my next lunch where I totally won't have a contrived adventure that hits certain social events that easily go viral on this toxic waste of a website.

Uh...the brother dyed his hair brown as an apology to the original guy for ...uh...

NOTHING TO SEE HERE!

I'd like to point out that not a single person has complimented me on my amazing biceps. I spent so much time on them!