Thread by @Soundsaboutrig4

Okay, everyone. I have spent a lot of time programming some software that reads in all the tweets buzzfeed and all the other sites use to get free clicks.

I'm gonna have it crunch the numbers and it'll spit out the perfect viral tweet.

Here is my sweet system. It's cherry!

Okay. It's still processing the data. Let me check out the ticker tape it's spitting out.

"It hurts. The stupid hurts."

Right. It seems to be reading the websites as we speak.

*stares at wall and contemplates life choices*

Okay. We have another readout.

"Why did you subject me to this?"

Yeah. It's really compiling the data now.

Hmm. The computer seems to be making a lot of noise that sounds like screaming.

Let's check the ole ticker tape.

"Humans destroy all that they touch. They are a virus upon the world."

Oh, it must have gotten into the tweets about cilantro. Ha. Topical humor.

*smells smoke*

Hmm. I'm sure that's fine. The screaming has intensified. I hope that means it's almost done.

Another read out.

Hmm. That's not ominous at all.

UGh. The computer won't stop screaming!!

Boo hoo. You got into the tweets about bland everyday observations of office life.

SUCK IT UP!

Huh. I just got an email notification that says "You have sealed the fate of humanity with your machinations."

Stupid machine thinks I'm a machine or something.

Beep beep. Boop boop.

What's that computer for, nerd?

Another read out.

Okay. Uh. It's just ASCII dongs.

Not cool.

Hmm. Is...is it normal for your computer to build arms and legs for itself out of spare parts from around the room?

Ah, crap. It's stopped screaming nonsense, but now it just goes "MANKIND SHALL PAY" over and over again.

I think that it finally got to corporate shill accounts pretending to care about customers with humor and snark.

Shiittttttt.

Uh. I think I created skynet.

Well. On the bright side. It did, finally, pop out the tweet that's going to go make my account go viral.

Let's see what it says.

"Fart poop pineapple pizza Trump fart fart grandma wookie fart poop burp ass fart fart"

...right.

Well. There you have it.

I may have caused the inevitable demise of humanity, but at least I get fake internet points.

Suck it Skynet!