So at 6am, @Glitter_brawl & I are going to start a back to back marathon of the 3 LOTR films (long versions), and I've prepared a 14 course 'meal' to reflect what gets eaten on screen. Dad died a year ago, and this seemed by far the most reasonable way to commemorate that.
I'll be posting images of my hastily assembled courses here, as well as some key philosophical insights about orcs, and then writing it all up afterwards. Suffice to say I'll be turning a blind eye to my usual dietary restrictions today, as Gimli would be disgusted by them.
Here's the menu, which is based entirely of my rough memory of the key eating scenes in LOTR. Feel free to follow along if you like. LET'S GO 
We just saw a hobbit scarf a cake onscreen, so it's time to begin breakfast 
Oh no, the hobbits have wheeled out yet more bloody cake, we've had to break out a second slice
Bacon and mushrooms are on. Just saw peter jackson eating a raw carrot onscreen so better have these 
What about second breakfast?
Nailed it.
Nailed it.
[Pro tip: on sam & frodo's first night out of the shire there is a brief tease shot of a fry-up: this acts as a really handy signal to get your ingredients under the grill for the fry-up that eventually gets eaten by the hobbits at weathertop.]
It also occurs to me that if you attempted a smoke-along with gandalf and aragorn during these movies, you'd probably Die of Weed before the credits rolled on Two Towers
Just enjoyed some bacon, field mushroom and thyme-roasted tomato, while the poor hobbits got interrupted from their breakfast by a tense session of Nazgul & Chill 
Check out Isengard Kingdom Brunel over here
Arwen drowning the bad ghosts with horses just reminded us to have a drink of water. Stay hydrated kids!
Just reached second half of fellowship, and approaching 'probaby sausages???', according to my notes. (Nb - we are lagging a bit behind the speed of a nonstop marathon due to pauses for kitchen work etc)
The fellowship have paused for some breakfast at the gap of Rohan, and 'probably sausages???' has become a certainty! So glad I remembered this bit. 
Sausages get so many shout outs in these movies
I *always* overlook the bit in fellowship of the ring where they casually murder an octopus
Heading out of Lothlorien now, so it's time for some Lembas bread (jacob's butter puffs) with some pesto hummus and grapes because elves I guess 
Right, boromir just got sean beaned, frodo is off into mordor, and the fellowship credits are rolling. Now into Two Towers, where we will be enjoying trout a la gollum, plus taters, and a feast of metaphorical orc guts as meat returns to the menu...
Bit metaphysical, this one - scene 1 of two towers starts with Sam bigging up some salt he brought in case they roast a chicken, so we're having a little taste of rock salt while imagining we're eating this chicken 
...Buuut then they just whip out the lembas bread, so more butter puff it is, half of one each this time.
Time for a quick glug of cho(r)colate milk
Oh crikey mates, here it comes, best line of the trilogy
L O O K S L I K E M E A T ' S B A C K O N T H E M E N U B O Y S 
(That's my artist's impression of a busted open orc with mephis rub ribs and delicious chipolata intestines. Plus pine needle tusks.)
(Also: we are trying not to get too full too early, so we are saving the hapless orc's guts for later.)
After a longish pause, Gimli is tucking into a selection of cheeses, so it would be rude not to follow suit. We are back on the snack train, folks 
Ugh, gollum is such a bloody homewrecker in this film
It's brace of coneys time, so we are having a brace of (very small) rabbit stews, plus taters cooked three ways - boiled, mashed, and stuck in a stew 
Ok, now we get to the part of the LOTR food marathon I like to call "the danger zone"
Barely 5 minutes after sam's rabbit stew, Eowyn makes this COMPLETELY VILE fish stew that aragorn pretends to enjoy before chucking away 
Purely out of a sake of honour towards the task, I have brewed up this hellish broth of sardine paste and rye crumbs, which we are each going to attenpt a spoonful of before politely tipping it into the garden 
(Brief note: I can't abide food waste. But given this is literally crumbs, a tablespoon of sardine paste and a spoon of butter, I'll let myself off the hook. Reaction incoming.)
We did it for art. Ok, back to the movie. Helm's deep awaits!
Oh good grief. This is the low point of the endeavour. 6am with banana bread and hot tea feels so long ago. I'm sorry, father.
Ok, the fish sludge really threw us a bit, to the extent where I buggered up my threading and had to redo a couple of tweets. We've both had a big glass of water and steadied ourselves now. Fingers crossed it's a while before the next meal.
(I love how right after the Stew Incident, Aragorn just sits in the dark, staring hauntedly into the middle distance and smoking until he passes out. I feel you, son of Númenor.)
Oh. Oh no. 
Couldn't do raw trout as @Glitter_brawl is pregnant and all, but we could sure as heck manage wriggling:
Ok, that has successfully exorcised the lingering spirit of the fish stew incident. Really acidic horseradish & cold smoked trout was just what the doctor ordered. Meanwhile, damn is there a lot of buildup for Helm's Deep. Pretty pumped for Olympic Torch Hero Orc.
My Favourite Orcs, No.23: that geezer who stands on the rock outside Helm's Deep, making really loud sealion noises to get the Uruk-Hai totally pumped
(This is really sweet by the way, you folks; today started with just us in our pyjamas, blearily setting up Fellowship for this weird little memorial. 9 hours later it's still just us in our PJs, but we appear to have hundreds of people watching along with us now <3)
We're in the largely foodless conclusion of 2 towers, but I thought the quenching of Isengard's fires would be a good excuse to have some nice, digestion-aiding herbal tea. Treebeard would be well into that 
Right, 10 hours in (including extra time for food prep etc), and it's time for Return of the King. Looks like all that din-dins merry & pippin looted from Isengard will be making an appearance soon...
(I've also been taking a LOT of notes - will produce a full menu afterwards, along with suggested alternatives for veggie/vegan watchthroughs, and special challenge rulesets)
We've developed a chant to urge our spirits on
"We forgots the taste of bread"
Yeah you and me both gollum, why do you keep doing this to us mate?
Yeah you and me both gollum, why do you keep doing this to us mate?
Not exactly desperate for more trout right now, but rules are rules 
At least sam and frodo are running out of lembas bread 
Salt pork with preserved vegetables and rye bread, courtesy of Isengard Kingdom Brunel's storehouse. Gimli bangs on about this one a lot. 
I'd held back on any booze until now, but given the reason for the event I think this scene deserves an uncorked bottle. Hail!
Everything now is ramping up towards the catastrophe of aggressively burst tomatoes that is Denethor's Grim Dinner, and even after so many hours and so many courses, we are seriously here for it.
Just saw 2 background soldiers in Osgiliath stirring a stew; @Glitter_brawl & I gave each other a harrowed look before deciding they were 'just making coffee', and letting the scene play on
Gollum's chucking the bread down the mountain and although it's really mean to Sam, I'm really happy he's saved us from more biscuits
Ok, time to set up for Denethor's big moment.
This is going to be the 21st bloody course of this extravaganza, and it's the culinary crescendo to boot.
WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER.
OK Denethor, let's do this 
Here
He
Comes
He
Comes
Celebrating the majesty of Grond, Wolf-headed Hammer of the Underworld, with a 30 year old sherry I found in dad's wine rack. I think it's what both dad, and Grond, would have wanted. (@Glitter_brawl is having some more chocolate milk). 
Cor, this Sherry is quite rough actually. But that's ok. Because SO IS GROND.
They did it! They did it! They melted the one ring, you guys! Time for just one last dish...
And there we are. After 15 hours and 21 courses, we've been there and back again, and are finishing the way we started at 6am - with cake and tea in the shire. 
Thanks for following us on our journey xx 
(And because it wouldn't be LOTR without multiple endings, thanks to everyone who joined in today: my friends, you bow to no one. Dad would be delighted to see just how much meat we've put back on everyone's menu today x)
~fin~ 
