You can survive. You can survive when you've lost all rational reasons for wanting to survive. You can survive off of the primal, animal instinct that says it's not your time to go, no matter what the voices in your head try to tell you.
You can survive out of sheer morbid curiosity as to where your story might yet land. You can survive off of one garbled, half-sincere prayer. While not recommended for long, you can survive off of rage, or the refusal to give your enemies the satisfaction of watching you quit.
You can sing to yourself when you have nobody to sing to, preach to your self when you have no congregation. You can fall in love with the sound of your own voice, & not apologize for it. It's terrible revelation, I know--to see all you need to live in inside, not outside of you.
It feels terrible when you feel nothing at all toward the world, & yet can't help but love your self somehow, even when you don't feel good about your self. Should you apologize for not being able to entirely hate your own existence?
You are designed to be self-generating, created to heal in your sleep. Sure, you need God, community, whatever...but don't miss it: you are CREATED IN THE IMAGE OF GOD, which is why you can still CREATE & FIGHT & RISE, when you should ALREADY BE OVER.
You can't apologize for what was put in you by birthright, for the inescapable image of God your Father & Spirit your mother that you bear. You can't apologize for being born of unquenchable fire. The thing inside you that keeps going when you no longer CHOOSE to is your SOUL.
The fact that it feels like time to check out, means it probably isn't. You've got too much life inside you for that. And even when you do go, you weren't made to go out with a sigh, but with a howl.
All of this to say...GO AHEAD & GET UP ANYWAY.
All of this to say...GO AHEAD & GET UP ANYWAY.
