1- have party
2- wait
3- get caught
4- appoint someone who was at party to investigate party, thereby causing delay
5- replace person with another person
6- person writes report and finds criminality
7- person sends list of crimes to police, thereby causing delay

1/2 8- police ask for redactions to report so they can investigate, thereby causing delay
9- bits of report published
10- cultists say we need to wait for police investigation, thereby causing delay
11- police investigation finds police knew all along

2/n

Hi remain and leave folks,

Pull up a coffee and sit yourself down. I need your help.

Actually, @JHayestetra needs your help. So, first, please follow him.

As we all know, Brexit has had an infinite number of unforeseen consequences. Jonathan told me one.

1/n Let me tell you about Jonathan.

Jonathan is paralysed and for 31 years he has recruited the live-in carers he depends on from Denmark.

The Danes get easier access to University if they do this work in their GAP year. Which is a great idea!

2/n

RULES APPLYING TO BRITS VISITING FRANCE

There are rules for third-country nationals visiting France. These are not new rules. They are standard rules. You will need to comply with them if you are planning to come on holiday to France. I set them out here to help.

1/n At the border, you may be asked for three pieces of information:

1. Motive for your stay in France
This can be satisfied by:
- for tourism: a hotel or other accommodation reservation

2/n

Dear Scotland

You might not want to listen to me. I used to be a Tory. Like, I used to work for them. I like to think that it was at a time when they were moderate but we can argue about that some other time.

Last time around, I was vehemently pro-No.

But they lied.

1/7 They lied when they told you that Scotland's place was as an equal partner in a UK at the heart of Europe. I can see that now. And looking back, I am sorry to say that I did not see it before. But it has been a lie for a long, long time.

Scotland is a trophy, not a partner.

2/7

Today is significant for Britain but not for the reasons you're thinking

In the late 69s and early 70s, Britain lost the final bits of its empire. They were faced with two questions "Who are we and what is our place in the world?" Concerned at the potential economic strength of the fledgling European community coming together on its doorstep, rather than coming to terms with the answers to those questions, it sensibly decided to join them.

As Brexiters are keen to point out, the EU Budget will be massively hit once the huge financial contribution made by the UK has been removed.

To help you understand the extent of the problem, I have created an explainer.

THREAD Here is the daily extra contribution that EU citizens will need to make as a result of the UK leaving.

5 cents.

JAPANESE SOY SAUCE - A PRIMER

Here I will set out all you need to know about Japanese Soy Sauce imports and Brexit.

Let's start with a doozy.

1) It's "soy sauce", not "soya sauce".

https://twitter.com/tradegovuk/status/1321187022883663873

2) Your main imported Jananese soy sauce is the excellent Kikkoman brand.

3) Soy sauce from Japan under EU import rules carries a 0% tariff. So it would not be cheaper under the UK trade deal.

Dear fellow white people

I never thought I’d start a message like that.

But we need to talk.

What is happening today in America is not just about race in America.

#BlackOutTuesday #BlackLivesMatter

1/8 People of colour around the world are still treated worse than animals. Watch the reaction as people are disgusted by the destruction of TVs in a Target but don’t show the same reaction to the continual victimisation and killing of innocent people of colour...

2/8

Let's have a chat about digital diversion, manipulation, Twitter bots and the misspelling of Dominic Cummings' name...

1/11 No doubt, since @BorisJohnson refused to sack #DominicCummings yesterday, you will have noted that, among the Twitter trending topics, have been a lot of misspellings of Dominic Cummings' name.

This is not a coincidence.

2/11

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

This #ClapForBoris thing. Put down your burning torch and have a listen.

Dominic Cummings has one technique. It's not complicated. It works like this

Find a group
Divide the group
Create conflict
Do what you want while everyone is distracted

1/4 #ClapForBoris is very much #ClassicDom.

You take a group - people who use #ClapForTheNHS or #ClapForOurCarers
Divide it - using #ClapForBoris
Create conflict - happening now
Do whatever it is he is planning

YOU ARE VITAL TO THIS PLAN

2/4

The person behind me in this restaurant is on what I am guessing is very much a first, and soon to be last, date. He started off by explaining how one of his friends "really should just die. No, I mean it. We've all had enough now. He needs to die. He's so annoying."

He's a charmer.

Apologies if addressing this sensitive subject causes upset this early in the morning but I can't keep quiet any more.

I'm worried about the size of my testicles.

So, I'm sitting on my seat on this train and this fella has got on the train and is in the next seat. 1/7 I don't know this man from Adam but I'm guessing he has enormous nuts. Enormous. Properly ENORMOUS. Maybe I'm being unfair and he's suffering from elephantiasis or something. But if he is, he's not alone. If he is, it could be an epidemic.

2/7

Now, I've known @murdo_fraser since forever. He's the sort of person who you can disagree with, have a good ol' discussion & part on good terms. He's no snowflake. Not that we have disagreed that often - maybe more now. But, I can't deny, I like him.

So, imagine my surprise... ...when a comment I added to his Facebook page was deleted.

I'm genuinely amazed.

So, I hear you cry, what vile thing did you say?

Sadly, I didn't take a screenshot (on account of how he's not a snowflake & I assumed he'd not censor it but engage instead).

But I can remember!

Ok, because my @ mentions aren’t messed up enough at the moment, I’m going to say a thing.

Ready?

@joswinson and @IanBlackfordMP’s idea for an early election is a good one.

I will now explain why! 1/ Back in ... 2017, Theresa May (remember her?) had a huge poll lead. It was about 4-5% larger than Johnson’s is now.

She massively misread those polls.

Having 40% in the polls is great provided that the vote is spread equally. However, it isn’t. 2/

For everyone concerned about how those post-#NoDealBrexit trade deals are going, here is the list of all the trade deals currently signed... ...and here are all the trade deals currently under discussion along with the percentage of UK trade that they represent. Hold on to your hats, there are some HUGE numbers coming...

Let's have a quick word about the Tories, pensions and Scotland.

IDS has proposed that the retirement age is raised to 75. His thinking is that this is the only way to "afford" the actual worst pension in Europe or the G7.
mirror.co.uk/news/politics/… This map shows life expectancy across the UK. Lighter colours are lower life expectancy. The lightest blue you can see is 75-80 - the age bracket that would see the shortest retirement before death.

There's so much going on here it's difficult to know where to start!

But start we must.

So, remember when the Brexiters said #Brexit was all about sovereignty & being free? Well, turns out America will decide your policies. You have no veto. Or vote. 1/8 telegraph.co.uk/business/2019/… Secondly, Britain and the US are both members of the Five Eyes security alliance. Trump's administration would have shared their intel on #Huawei with the UK.

It is very telling that Britain did not buy in to Trump's anti-Huawei narrative that it poses a #security risk.

2/8

This perpetual “Threats from China” monologue is utterly ridiculous and grounded in something nasty. Leaving aside the likes of British Defence Secretary @GavinWilliamson who won’t be happy until he starts a war with China, there is a vogue for constructing an economic threat. To me, this is incredibly lazy thinking and it is worrying hearing it being espoused by thought leaders. The Governor of the Bank of England has just delivered a speech about the ‘threat’.

It’s time to have a very brief discussion about @LiamFox and a very revealing from his #Brexit trade deal interview with @skynews @AdamParsons1. In the interview, Disgraced Former Defence Secretary @LiamFox says

“We are... only replicating the agreements that we have as a member of the EU”

Let’s see where we are today:

The UK needs 40 of these roll-over agreements
Those 40 agreements cover just 12% of UK trade
It has 4

Ok, it's time to address this idea that #FBPE is an anti-Corbyn-focused organisation. It has become an increasingly popular trope of the pro-Corbyn, Momentum cult that #FBPE is out to get them.

A quick message to all children (including adult ones!) of alcoholic parents

Christmas Day is going to be difficult. There's no way round that. But Santa gave you an immense gift - the ability to survive. #joinin #IAmCOA #COA @NacoaUK You aren't responsible for your parent's drinking or the things they've said and done while drunk. Their issues aren't yours. They have to fight their own demons. You cannot help.

Be there for YOU.

#joinin #IAmCOA #COA @NacoaUK