Discover and read the best of Twitter Threads about #Adoptee

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#NAAM day 28.

Today I am going to discuss having a narcissist for a parent.

I will also briefly touch on having a second parent that is an enabler.
This is a relevant conversation within adoption, as over time within many #adoptee oriented spaces, I have seen time and time again adoptees discussing being adopted and raised by a narcissist.
I have personally mentioned before that I was adopted and raised by a narcissist and an enabler, and it has a long scope impact of trauma.
Read 83 tweets
#NAAM day 18. Still gathering some thoughts to be coherent, but today I'd like to talk about "privacy" and how within adoption it often means everyone but the #adoptee is entitled to it.
Privacy, in the context of adoption is a loaded word. It's used against adoptees regularly, and often at the expense of our own privacy... in ways not adopted people are always aware of, and in ways we as adoptees sometimes have become desensitized to.
There are also times that adoptees point out the glaring misuses of privacy (either as a way to keep secrets, or when privacy isnt respected) and it is met with dismissal and ire.

I'm going to give a few examples of this, but there are always more.
Read 36 tweets
Being an adoptee means I learned some things early on:
-you can really only trust yourself
-blood does matter to family members
-being a secret is normal
-being lied to is normal
-people will weaponize your adoptee status on a dime
-you will never know where you belong
/1

#NAAM
-your parents are not your parents
-your ancestors cannot claim you
-your adoption will always be the reason 4 everything
-you owe people for existing
-you can’t feel your feelings when you need to
-you’ll never have an easy answer to who/where your family is
#BeingAdoptedMeans
-people will always pity/be afraid of you
-you’llalways struggle with your confidence
-you’ll always live in fear of being disowned/unclaimed
-you’ll have a complicated relationship with your kids
-you’ll be treated like an infant by almost all adults forever

You?
#adoptee
Read 3 tweets
Good morning. We are on to #NAAM2019 #NAAM day 6.

I'm going to start with my thoughts that I didn't convey yesterday.

Today I'd like to discuss the concept of gratitude in #adoption.
I have a few polls, and then we are going to get into the meat of the matter.
Adoptees only:

Whether you feel gratitude or not, have you ever been told you need to be grateful, or felt the pressure to express gratitude in regards to your adoption?
Read 30 tweets
So, it's day 4 of #NAAM #NAAM2019 and I'm going to try to convey my *personal issues* with the idea that #adoption is a better life.
I can only speak for myself and my own story as to why this bothers me as much as it does.

So before anyone feels the deep and burning need to #notall me, I am talking about *me* and *my adoption* and *my lived experience*. Take your not alls and move along.
As always, I am an #adoptee but not the only adoptee. Our experiences are vast and varied and complex and same and different and all valid.

Listen to me if you'd like, and then go listen to others as well.
Read 23 tweets
#Adoptee Twitter has a verrrrry different take on this viral video than most of you I see sharing it in my feeds.

Not the best timing for me to bring on the dumpster fire I know this will light in my inbox again, but here we go...
When I was a young child, people commented constantly on how unusually bright and *articulate* I was for my age. I was also a really sweet little girl, always wanting to be a helper. People saw this all as proof I was well-adjusted & that I was loved well by my adoptive family.
The truth? ALL of that was fruits of my trauma. I learned to perform as a survival mechanism. I learned to earn affection. I learned to make myself as exceptional as possible, so maybe these parents wouldn’t discard me this time. I learned to prove how loveable I was.
Read 16 tweets
Thread: Building a strong DNA matched tree
#Adoptee #DNA #FamilySearch #FamilyTree

I wanted to expand on my paternal search methods as to help others in a similar situation. Evidence, both DNA and documentation, is central to supporting any conclusions.
As I said in my last thread, I found that my paternal matches fell into three family groups: Petronius, Tütscher & Tyneslawe. But that wasn't enough information to support my hypothesis. I could build a tree for each family but it had to be supportable by the facts.
I started by building a tree based on:
1.Birth and Death certificates
2.Marriage and divorce documents
3.Federal and/or state census
4.Other Government documents such as court rulings, land grants, etc.
Read 11 tweets
I've been rolling something around in my head these past few days. You'll likely be unsurprised it relates to #adoption.

What happens after reunion, even the good ones, a thread.
As many (if not all) of you know I am an adult #adoptee. Through DNA and searching, I became an adult adoptee in (partial) reunion last year.

I'd like to have a chat about things I've heard since then, and what it all means.
As per usual, I am an adoptee, but I'm not the only adoptee.

Some parts of this may resonate and reflect in the stories of others. Some parts may not.

All of those other stories are equally valid, and I only speak for me.
Read 31 tweets
Another *SUPER* problematic thing people keep saying about adoption right now. I’m going to try to stay calm and patiently breakdown why this really isn’t ok.
First, we need to address this idea that adoption is expensive. It’s not entirely accurate folks. Two specific kinds of adoption are expensive (and those kinds of adoption seem to dominate the narrative:)

-International adoption
-Private agency adoption of newborns
Here’s the first elephant in the room we need to address then:

Adoption is only expensive if your main priority is getting a specific sort of child within a narrowly define set of acceptable circumstances.
Read 17 tweets
At the risk of once again of turning my DMs into a raging dumpster fire, can we have a serious conversation about the trend of viral videos showing the moment a child is told they will be adopted? As an adoptee, I'm pretty taken aback when they appear in my feed
These videos are overwhelmingly made not by the adoptees themselves, but by the adoptive parents, & are most often shared (or even made) without the consent of the adoptee. It's packaging one of their most conflicted and emotional experiences for mass public consumption.
But even if a parent does ask permission? The power imbalance calls that consent into question. Adoptive parents hold the power to grant/deny stability, security, & a permanent family to that adoptee. It creates (albeit unintentionally in most cases) an undue pressure to consent.
Read 20 tweets

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