1 like = 1 iteration of my anti-concerto stance
1. I don’t like concerti.
2. Concerti please me not.
3. The only concerto I like is Dvořák’s for cello and orchestra.
4. To quote Mrs. Bennet, “no one wants your concertos here”
5. Me, looking at a concerto: “oh god, sir, here’s a dish I love not”
6. Every concerto feels like a stilted conversation that you can’t escape.
7. A concerto killed my parents in an alley and now I must become what I hate.
8. The only good concerto is a muted concerto.
9. The Diatonic Dittymunch throws up if it eats a concerto.
10. If you like concerti you are valid but I am also valid and I: do not like them.
11. Almost every concerto is like a sentence from a small child starting “last night I dreamed that”
12. Concerti are the bran muffins of the orchestral repertoire.
13. Concerti are the Ophiuchus of the orchestral repertoire. People only include them to complete a set.
14. If you play a concerto you should have an apology written beforehand so you can distribute it with the programs.
15. I Don’t Like Concerti II: The Dislikening
16. Any given concerto is that one movie that got terrible reviews but some dude will hand it to you claiming it’s a misunderstood classic and you watch it because you like him but the whole time in your head you’re writing Harry Potter fanfic
17. Jeff Bezos probably likes concerti.
18. Concerti are the Garfield of music.
19. I insist on using the Italian plural as a mark of disrespect, just like if I hate someone I use their full name. No nicknames here.
20. Has a concerto ever saved a kid from a well or helped a little old lady across the street? No? EXACTLY
21. The only classic performance of a concerto was when the muppet baby band did Tchaikovsky’s piano concerto and it’s only good because they cut off 300% of it and they’re babies
22. I don’t have evidence for this but I am pretty sure 90% of concerti were written to persecute me specifically.
23. Every concerto has a soggy bottom, indistinct layers, and sunken fruit.
24. Every concerto was written under duress and that’s why they’re all like the tally marks scratched in a dungeon wall
25. A concerto is an old salad. A concerto is a bruised apple. A concerto is burnt toast. A concerto is butter with a single hair in it.
26. The ancient world didn’t have concerti and they did pretty well.
27. I’m not gonna say concerti are to blame for climate change, but I find it suspect that it started happening after they were invented.
28. On one episode of Chopped a contestant makes a dessert that’s basically half a papaya with unsweetened meringue on it and that’s a concerto.
29. How can I explain concerti to you. It’s like when something you hate happens. Only worse.
30. Concerti are the Bethesda glitches of the concert world.
