Thread by @grimalkinrn

Today sucked on a level that can possibly only be found in another plane of existence.

I shut myself in my exam room and cried for a few minutes today bc I love my job but that doesn't mean I love everyone I work with, or that I adore my employer currently. See my pinned tweet.

Sometimes depression and dealing with sensory processing issues make me feel like I'm incredibly stupid. Like I'm bad at things there is no evidence of me being bad at. And someone I know, knows how to hit that button.

It's hard to explain if you don't feel it yourself. I can save lives. I can get an IV or blood draw on almost anything with even a low blood pressure. I take on extra educational work to keep up with stuff. At the same time I can feel like I'm terrible at my job & being human.

I have filed a complaint before and in exchange I was encouraged to quit my job if I was unhappy. Apparently it doesn't make much sense to people why you would keep doing a job if you aren't well liked or... liked much at all.

And I know logically that some of these things are signs of old trauma,. I know logically I speak three languages and have 2 degrees and a rote memory to make an English professor weep.

I remember that movie, "Over the Hedge," when the raccoon called the squirrel stupid. Was his name Hammy? I feel like Hammy some days... slinking away to cry while saying "I'm not stupid."

I thought a lot about this today. Today was a hard day at work but it wasn't hard because anyone did anything wrong. It was just a hard day & apparently several people cried. So that was... not comforting at all actually. It sucked, but we got through it together...

whether we like one another much or not, we have each others backs while we are working and we have our patients' backs. And some days are just harder.

But when I think about the people who are callous or rude to me, I frequently realize that they are people who face fewer difficulties than I do. Who are conventionally attractive or wealthier or ... whatever.

But sure as shootin' (I don't shoot.. anything, I've discussed this), about 99% (because there had to be someone) of the people who decide to make my life harder are white women. And so I had a thought about that today.

White feminism will always turn on itself.

It has nowhere else to go.

I want my union and I'm not shutting up.

I want my choices respected like I want my patient's choices respected.

@PPRockyMountain can & will fight us. We have the right to fight back.

White feminism, even amazing, heroic feminist organizations,

will always turn in on themselves to protect those at the top.

This is end stage capitalism, this is how it works, and even places we desperately need and don't have enough of... abortion clinics... are prone.

@PPRockyMountain aren't answering. They are not responding to politicians, employees, etc. They have their scheduled tweets rolling by day by day as if we don't exist.

Of course it is insulting. It's supposed to be.

So I'll say it to you, even though it hurts, deeply:

That feminist org you fight for? You donate to?

Is a union busting organization.

You know who busts unions?

Scott Walker. Wal-mart. The Sisters of Charity of Leavenworth. Donald Trump.

And now, Planned Parenthood.