An abuser will test boundaries knowing his behavior might fall just short of being seen as a clear violation.
He’ll use flattery to send a message of care while he objectifies his victim.
This produces confusion (“what’s happening?”) and a sense of captivity (“what do I do?”)
He’ll use flattery to send a message of care while he objectifies his victim.
This produces confusion (“what’s happening?”) and a sense of captivity (“what do I do?”)
If called out, he will give the impression that the action was unintentional. We tend to excuse someone who accidentally or unknowingly crosses a line.
This is part of the reason for testing boundaries. If exposed, the abuser can easily claim ignorance or innocence.
This is part of the reason for testing boundaries. If exposed, the abuser can easily claim ignorance or innocence.
An abuser might also appeal to cultural norms. Perhaps what appeared to be crossing a boundary was really just an expression of normal behavior within a culture of affection. He then provides examples of other similar behaviors to normalize the behavior in question.
Some who observe this behavior might place blame on the victim. For example, by drawing attention to her appearance, an impression is given that she was implicitly inviting him to cross boundaries. This is then used as a reason to justify his behavior.
The flattery, the testing of boundaries, the objectification, the abuse, the denial of intention, the appeal to cultural norms, the justifications, are all too common within a culture that enables and overlooks abusers.
