How did you find out that your parents were separating/ getting divorced?
Just before I left high school to go home, the deputy head teacher called me to tell me that I would meet my mom at the Njuguna's bus stop when coming from school ( school was past Nakuru) I got there and she was waiting for me which was odd.
I would always find my way home. She picked me up and see went to a different place and I saw my clothes and my siblings were there too. After dinner, mom sat us down and told us that she was leaving and she explained as best she could why.
I understood why. It was hard but I got her logic and why it was for the best but that divorce and separation was more than just that day- it was everything else it complicated for years afterwards.
Divorce brings out the ugly in people especially our parents. Children always find themselves in between these wars even when they shouldn't be. There's always a fight for you to pick a side, overtly or covertly. Families take sides and draw lines
You're kids but you learn to be smart about what to say to what parent and how they will react. You learn how to lie. You learn how to withhold information. You learn about family feuds from decades back.
You're embarrassed because people ask about your parents and you don't know what to say. Everyone else seems to have functional families so you just lie that everything is alright. You go further and lie about how amazing things are.
People talk to children about divorce immediately when it happens but no one checks up afterwards. No one checks up on the days it keeps you up at night. We praise the resilience of children as if it's something to be celebrated- increased ability to withstand pain.
No one prepares children for how their parents change after divorce-the bitterness, the anger, the hurt and how they take it out on you.
No one prepares you for the financial difficulties that come with a divorce and how life changes, most times permanently negatively.
There's also children's views of marriage and how they are shaped by divorce and most times I don't actively think about it but I know my views on marriage and relationships are affected by my parents divorce, in part
What you think you know about your parents divorce is probably wrong. You remember things that are probably inaccurate and through the lenses of the parent that you connected/ sympathised with more.
You also probably only or mostly know your mother's side to marriage and divorce. Men/ fathers rarely talk about marriage and divorce even after it happens. It's more common to hear your mom and aunts (trash)talking about their husbands. That's a full discussion for another day.
Buying *her out- his wife
He's willing to give her everything and walk away from the marriage as long as he has his daughter. He's still worried about how that will affect his daughter.
He's willing to give her everything and walk away from the marriage as long as he has his daughter. He's still worried about how that will affect his daughter.
