"Smart" is not something you are. It's something you do.
As an anointed "smart kid" in school (all the way through college), I thought I was just smart. As though my intelligence was an immutable thing that I had more of, and other people had less of.
Of course, there are (and always were) things I wasn't very good at, that other people were AMAZING at, but the explanation for why I was still smarter than them was usually, "well, you don't need to be to be smart to do that thing."
There are many situations in which I do very smart things. Those tend to involve strategic thinking & relationship building.
There are many other situations where I do VERY not-smart things. Those tend to involve organization, getting stuff done, tying up loose ends, etc.
There are many other situations where I do VERY not-smart things. Those tend to involve organization, getting stuff done, tying up loose ends, etc.
You could argue (and I did, for much of my life) that the situations where I am smart are more important than the situations where I am not, so therefore, I AM STILL SMART.
But as I've gotten older and done more therapy, I've started to be able to disconnect my ego from BEING SMART. Like....it doesn't matter anymore. There are things I'm good at, and things I'm not good at, and all of that is ok, and none of it reflects on my worth as a person.
There will always been some situations where I routinely act intelligently, and other situations where that's less routine. I can improve the latter, over time, but I enjoy the former a lot more.
And at this point in my life, I've come to appreciate that there are amazing people who are incredibly organized. They act smart - and they make it look easy - in all the situations where I struggle.
Often those folks are like, "you're an engineer, you're so smart," but like if that's true, why can't I return a friggin email on time??
I've accepted that there are situations where acting smart is incredibly draining & time-consuming for me. My goal used to be to WORK ON THEM and GET BETTER and I have (believe it or not). I used to be a lot worse.
But after twenty years of struggle and study and work and guilt (SO MUCH GUILT)...I'm only marginally better at being organized. And acting smart in those situations is still draining & time-consuming.
So, since my ego is no longer as tied to being SMART and GOOD AT EVERYTHING, I've decided that it's ok to try to minimize the situations that drain my energy, and maximize the situations that generate energy.
What this means in practice: I have a housecleaner. I work with an organizer, periodically, who helps me organize physical things. I have an accountant & an advisor who help with money. Etc.
Basically I outsource as much as I can, and then I process the guilt that (still) arises because I "should" be able to do these things myself, and then I look for other things to outsource.
I "could" do all this stuff myself - but I'm so terrible at it that it would take all the time I have, leaving no time for the things I'm good at. And that seems like sort of a waste, for everyone.
Anyway the point is: be kind to yourself. It's ok to be bad at some things that are easy for other people. It's ok to work at those and get better. It's also ok to avoid and delegate them.
Make sure you have time in your life for the stuff you're brilliant at.
Make sure you have time in your life for the stuff you're brilliant at.
YOU ARE BRILLIANT AT SOME THINGS AND THOSE THINGS ARE AWESOME❤️
Also I am relieved that I am not the only one who struggles. Thanks @avdi for being vulnerable ❤️
