Its Christmas week so I'm back with my dear old dad. You might know him from being a totally rad dude. You might NOT know that he has an insanely large 65" TV plus the worst viewing tastes of any living human being. And you definitely don't know that tonight we mounted A TV HEIST 
A reminder of a few of my dad's previous greatest hits, including his utter inability to keep up with even very established pop cultural trends.
I've also mentioned his love for trashy movies, which was kind of a spin-off of his previous love for movies in general, which culminated in his recording over 800 movies off TV and onto VHS.
Having spent his entire life as a fairly austere rural Irish sort he has, since retiring, developed a deep and abiding love of trash culture. He used to not know any movies or tv that didn't feature several masses, prominent woolens, now he knows the TOWIE cast by name.
This is mostly charming, like when he rings you to let you know that Bradley Walsh's new album is his most personal yet, or which side he's taken on the Loose Women feud between Coleen Nolan and Kim Woodburn. (Coleen all day). But watching TV with him, it can be a bit much.
That's just his everyday diet. At CHRISTMAS things go into overdrive. Since, chief among his trash passions (trassions?) are morbidly terrible Christmas movies. He loves all of them. ALL OF THEM.
He's watched all the Mrs Miracle movies, and pretty much any film about a hotshot young city girl who moves to a rural town and has her life upended at Christmas by a man who drives to barns in his pickup truck while wearing a sheepskin jacket.
He watched one last week where I think the plot was about a mall Santa who was also somehow a bank robber (?). My dad got very misty eyes when our hero ended up in court for the robbery stuff all the town's residents stood up and said he was a good Santa man and not a bad robber.
"They were there for him" he said, through stifled sniffs.
You're probably thinking; so far, so charming. But that's just the tip of the iceberg, some of these movies are like proper bottom of the barrel. Like, quite possibly featuring non professional actors and shot like crime scene photos. And he watches all without fear or favour.
What's worse is my dad is really sniffy about other movies, particularly Netflix ones. It's like he has a taste filter that's been clogged, like the little grill in a swimming pool, with horrible trash and isn't working any more.
Tonight we wanted to watch To All The Boys I've Loved Before, since my sisters had never seen it. We knew my dad wouldn't go for it, so we told him it was called CHRISTMAS LOVE LETTERS and he's bitten.
I know what you're thinking - that's not a Christmas movie at all! But you're forgetting; we're all quite drunk and my dad is easily distracted. Plus, we're hoping he'll just get swept up in the charm of the thing and forget about it.
Also, we are cheating. So my dad thinks it's a Christmas movie, I stood in front of him to block the TV (a fairly hard task) and chose it before he saw its title.
I've also placed my phone beside the TV playing a YouTube loop of sleigh bells for the opening music intro.
Astonishingly this worked! We're watching a non terrible Christmas movie and he's engaging with it on its own merits. I shall report his thoughts as and when they arise. So far he's so rapt he's not said a word.
I don't think he's buying it. "When does it start?" he keeps saying, as if he's bored because there hasn't been a Santa or a slick female lawyer or a guy in a pickup truck. Noah Centino drives a 4x4 which is surely close enough, and might be why he's still watching.
Omg it's been so long since I watched it I forgot about the whole ski resort part, which is coded pretty much like a Chrimbo flick, have I retroactively turned this INTO a Christmas movie out of sheer will? My dad is ON BOARD.
By the end, he was smiling from ear to ear. We asked him if he liked it and he immediately clammed up as if he wasn't INFINITELY CHARMED. "One star" says he, before admitting he was interested in the characters. Also no mention of it not being a Christmas movie. RESULT.
Maybe tomorrow we'll try CHRISTMAS BIRD BOX.
