Thread by @Azriel_Green

Letters to Parents of Hogwarts Students, An Anthology.

Dear Parents/Guardians,

This is a standard letter to inform you that your child has been placed in mortal danger 3 or more times so far this term.

Sincerely, Albus Dumbledore.

Dear Parents/Guardians,

We write to inform you that there has been a reported sighting of That Dark Wizard Who Nearly Murdered Us All in the forest right next to the school where your children sleep.

We look forward to seeing you at the end of term.

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore

Dear Parents/Guardians,

We are delighted to inform you that we will be hiring a new DaDA teacher during the summer. We assure you the vetting process will be, as always, highly thorough and decisive.

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore.

Dear Parents/Guardians,

Due to recent unusual circumstances and a general sense of terror throughout the school, Prof. Lockhart and Snape have started a duelling club. Attached is a permission slip for you to sign or decline your consent.

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore.

Dear Parents/Guardians,

We regret to inform you that your child has been petrified by a thus far unidentified monster. We consider this a minor issue and are optimistic about their eventual recovery. The school will not be closed at this time.

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore.

Dear Parents/Guardians,

We are thrilled to announce the destruction of the Basilisk which was petrifying and snatching your children. We consider the matter fully resolved and appreciate your patience during this troublesome issue.

New staff TBA.

Sincerely, Albus Dumbledore

Dear Parents/Guardians,

As we begin a new term, we welcome the gruesome keepers of Azkaban, the Dementors, who will be posted around our school at all times. In anticipation of an attack by escaped convict, Sirius Black, we aim to be prepared.

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore

Dear Parents/Guardians,

This is a standard notification to inform you of an attack made by escaped convict and murderer, Black. Your child spent the night sleeping in the Great Hall and were monitored closely while we searched. Lessons continue today.

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore

Dear Parents/Guardians,

Due to various complaints about us hiring a werewolf, we are sad to see Prof. Lupin has resigned. We assure you that our vetting process for new staff is undergoing strict new changes. Your child's safety is paramount.

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore

Dear Parents/Guardians,

We are proud to announce this year we will be hosting the extremely dangerous and stressful Tri-Wizard Tournament! After much deliberation, only students of age may participate. We realise this will be disappointing to some.

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore

Dear Parents/Guardians,

We are happy to inform you that under our strict, new vetting process we have hired Alastor Moody to teach your children DaDA this year. His curriculum will include Unforgivable Curses. We hope you are as excited as we are!

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore

Dear parents/guardians,

We are sad to inform you that our strict, new vetting process has, in its infancy, failed. Our school was infiltrated, a student was murdered and another was used to revive Lord Voldemort. We assure you that there is no need to close the school...

...and that our next academic year will be the best one yet.

Also, we would like to remind parents of Muggleborn students that the use of "mobile phones" inside the castle is strictly prohibited. We will always inform you in due course if your child was ever...

...in danger/kidnapped/petrified/grossly injured/involved in racial bullying/serving detention in the forbidden forest and or murdered.

Kindest regards,
A. Dumbledore.

Dear Parents/guardians,

In these dark times, I would like to reiterate that I, as Headmaster of this great school, am a highly trustworthy source of information and therefore, disregarding the report of Lord Voldemort's return is not advised.

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore.

Dear Parents/Guardians,

We are sad to note that some of you have removed your child from our school. We have always placed the highest importance in maintaining a safe, distraction-free environment for your children to learn and grow. We are also sorry to say that after much...

...consideration, we do not believe that adding an optional course of English and Maths is necessary to our highly successful curriculum at this time.

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore

Dearest Parents,

I am ecstatic to announce that I, Dolores Umbridge, have taken over as Headmistress of Hogwarts. We are looking to roll out several, fierce, sweeping changes and we fully intend to keep you abreast of some of them.

Sweetest regards,
D. Umbridge.

Dear Parents/Guardians,

Now that we have firmly established that Lord Voldemort HAS returned, I would ask for unity in these dark times as we push onwards to educate your children in this remote, oft targeted castle.

New vetting TBA.
New Staff TBA.

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore.

Dear Parents/Guardians,

For those of you unsatisfied with your child's OWL results, due to the stress some of your children experienced last year involving torture, we regret to inform you that there will not be any opportunity to re-take these exams.

Sincerely, A. Dumbledore

Dear Parents/Guardians,

As you are aware of the tragic passing of the greatest wizard of our time, Albus Dumbledore, we stride onwards and are proud to announce that Minverva McGonagall is taking the reigns are Headmistress of Hogwarts.

Please stay tuned for more announcements

Dear Parents/Guardians,

This a standard notification to inform you that your child has been placed in mortal danger 3 times of more so far this term.

Those of you considering fleeing the country, we ask you to consider your child's magical education.

Regards, M. McGonagall.

Dear Parents/Guardians,

We are proud to announce a new regime has been implemented in the true spirit of our Dark Lord and that your child, if a pure blood, can expect highly preferential treatment.

N.B. the bakesale fundraiser has been cancelled.

Headmaster Snape.

Dear Parents/Guardians,

What a journey this last year has been. Many of your children have died and a great battle took place in our great school which, we note, was not idea. We realise many of you would have preferred to collect your child before this battle begun, however...

...due to the lack of manpower, we are proud to say that your child, excluding Slytherins, was instrumental in defeating Lord Voldemort and his thousands of followers. The destruction of the castle and subsequent injuries and deaths of many students has given us reason...

...to permit to re-taking of exams and, by special request, attendance of a "Year Eight" course to help older students who were prevented from taking their NEWTs to achieve scholastic success.

We apologise again and look forward to seeing you at the start term!

M. McGonagall.