Thread by @c0lettea

1) I am sitting here blasting Linkin Park in my headphones and I feel like I can't breathe, I want to hit someone, I want to smash and break everything I see and scream until the whole world shakes from my screaming.

2) I am so mad and lost and hurt and just fucking overall frustrated that I just don't know where to put it all anymore.
I have sunken to my lowest point in my entire shitty existence and crawled on my knees begging for my daughter to come back to me.

3) I fight every single day day not to fall victim to the depression that would consume me and takes me to the darkest places I have ever known. I fight the voice of myself in my mind that tells me how I failed as a mother.

4) I wake up every day to this living nightmare where I relive every single painful detail of my daughter’s death trying to figure where I could have intervened to make things turn out differently.

5) I eat myself alive from the inside out trying to figure out what I could have done better, what I could have done differently. I ponder over and over why she was taken instead of me, it would have been so much easier to take her place and give her back her life.

6) I fight a society who thinks that drug users are expendable, that their deaths don’t matter or that these people are less important because they somehow believe that these people aren’t students, mothers, fathers, doctors, nurses or anyone they might find desirable in society.

7) The cliché image of the dirty back alley addict is still very much the image in everyone’s minds when we talk about drug addiction an image that cannot be further from the truth.

8) When I think I might have a second to take a breath here comes the news and the headlines I cannot avoid. Stories battering my heart that I being put out there by the very people that are supposed to be our leaders saying that my child didn’t die.

9) Yet my grandchildren and I spend every Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday and special occasion at the cemetery with my daughter, their Mommy. These people try to say that my child didn't really die from drugs coming from Mexico, that my friend's children didn't really die.

10) But she did, they did. Their young lives destroyed and cut short for no other reason than political greed, money and power.

11) They say that nobody is dying in numbers we have never had before in history from Mexican heroin and fentanyl. They try to say that heroin and fentanyl coming over the border that killed my child and others isn't real. That it's all a "made up" emergency.

12) Where does that leave me and the other half a million families who have buried our loved ones?Do they think that my sweet girl and all those who have died don’t matter? Are they acceptable losses?

13) I cannot wrap my mind around why anyone would want to deny something so simple as a wall that they know and have been told by all the experts will help stop the drugs that took my child. I don’t understand when politics became more than our children’s lives.

14) When did that happen? Was it always this way & I am just now getting the memo? Law enforcement and Homeland Security know where these drugs are coming from. They have told congress where these drugs are coming from. WHY aren’t our lawmakers standing together & fixing it?

15) I will tell you why because some self serving democratic politicians sitting in a cushy offices in Washington choose to continue abusing taxpayer dollars and the U.S. Federal Court system solely for political partisan bullshit!

16) Meanwhile, while they continue screwing around 137 of our children are dying every single day. ONE HUNDRED AND THRITY SEVEN LIVES EVERY SINGLE DAY!

17) Why are democrats standing in the way of law enforcement stopping the drug dealers? At this point I just really don't freaking understand. How can anyone who claims to be a good and decent person in good and moral conscience world allow this slaughter to continue.

18) This isn’t a partisan issue it’s a purely 100% human issue, so someone please explain how anyone can justify not acting!

19) After losing a child to an overdose, the political atmosphere around these drugs and the border has become so incredibly and acutely personal and painful.

20) It hurts hearing the false narratives being pushed by crooked dems and the complicit mainstream media who is spreading their lies. I can’t describe the rage rises up in me every time one of our legislators completely denies the cause of my child's death the source of my pain

21) Would a single congressman or senator ever dare to deny that Sandy Hook happened? Or claim that the Parkland shooting was a fake emergency? Of course not, so why is this any different? Why are we being treated like we don't matter, like our children didn't matter?

Our tragedy is not any less real than any other mass casualty events in American history yet we are being completely ignored as if we don’t exist as if our children didn’t exist.

Imagine if you will if we lost 70,000 of our children in a year from HIV or any other so treatable or preventable cause what the public reaction would be. The public outcry that would come from everyone would reach into the very heavens and rightfully so!

Why does my child deserve anything less simply because it was a drug overdose? Why do I or any family who has lost a loved one to these illegal drugs deserve any less consideration than everyone else?

I am just so damn angry and hurting so much that I don't know what else to do but fight. I fight to tell the truth. I fight to stop the drugs. I fight to increase penalties for dealers. I fight to build the wall. I fight to help save addicts.

I do it for my daughter Tiffany. I do it because i don't want anyone else to feel this endless pain and emptiness that has become my life.

I do it so that not one more parent has to carry this searing pain that I have felt in my chest since the day I got the call telling me she was gone; the raw ragged wounds from the tearing apart of our souls that were intertwined since the day she was conceived.

I fight so that no other parent has to live with the endless guilt that I now have and will always have of not being able to save my child from such an untimely end.
Fighting is all I have left.