Thread by @hartng

I had to intervene today in a protracted marriage proposal. The girl accepted. Her Dad is game but her mum is not chuffed. The young man, a mentee, came to me for help & I went with him to go see the girl's family & have a talk with them to see what the problem was.

On getting to the girl's family house, it was a rural family. The Dad is a retired Civil Servant & the mum, a full time home-maker. The family now depends on proceeds from their farm to feed the family & sort bills. They had all just returned from the farm when we came.

When I introduced myself, they knew my name so that broke the ice. They did their best to offer me refreshments & I handed over the gifts I came with (you don't go on such visits empty-handed). We sat down to have the talk & see how to find a path through the impasse.

I started by reintroducing myself beyond what they knew from reputation & drew a link between myself & the intended groom. I offered anecdotes & proverbs & gave my personal guarantee of the young man's level-headedness & future prospects. I did my best to sell him to them.

The girl's Dad was excited that I was getting involved & I felt the niddle move noticeably but the mum was a stoic unreadable book. She wasn't moved & didn't speak even when invited to. The girl had told me prior that her mum was the major obstacle. I think I now know why.

You see, my mentee is a young man although with prospects but he is frankly basic now. I deduced that the mum just wants a better life devoid of suffering for her daughter & this was influencing her reaction to the proposal. Seeing 1st-hand their circumstances, understandable.

She had prior told her daughter to ignore the proposal & wait for someone who would take care of her & her younger ones & take the burden off the family. Corny but forgivable considering their status at the moment. She was tired. She needed some respite & her daughter was hope.

So while I understand the love adrenaline pushing my young friend & his bae, I also understand where her mother is coming from. The unvarnished truth is that parents, especially mothers, want a better life for their children than they one they've had & currently have.

The danger of course is that there is no guarantee that it will always work out that way. The daughter may wait forever for the ideal one or when an ideally rich suitor is seemingly found, he may come with baggages that will hurt the girl & the family by extension.

I know a lot of families are facing this challenge. May wisdom prevail. May foresight prevail. May love triumph. May we not sacrifice genuine love & future prospects on the alter of ready-made success ladden with regrets. May we find the suitor acceptable to our families.

Udo.