Profile picture
John Bull
@garius
, 11 tweets, 3 min read Read on Twitter
WILLIAMSON: You wanted to see me?
MAY: Yes I did, Gavin, come in.
WILLIAMSON:
MAY:
WILLIAMSON: Is... this... about me trying to name a submarine 'HMS Rogal Dorn'?
MAY: No Gavin. Somewhat incredibly, it is not.
MAY: Anything else spring to mind?
WILLIAMSON:
MAY:
WILLIAMSON: Is it about the time I threatened to go to war with China, and they banned Phil Hammond from the entire country?
MAY: Nope.
WILLIAMSON: Oh
MAY: That was actually pretty funny
WILLIAMSON:
MAY: Keep thinking, Gavin
WILLIAMSON: Is it... about the time I claimed I could send the army into London to stop knife crime?
MAY: No. Again, bizarrely, it is not.
WILLIAMSON: Or... when I told everyone I was going to create a Royal sky force of drones?
MAY: Still no.
WILLIAMSON: Is this about bringing a BB Gun to Chequers?
MAY: God. I'd forgotten that one
WILLIAMSON: Or...
MAY: Huawei, Gavin
WILLIAMSON: What?
MAY: I know about Huawei
WILLIAMSON: I don't know what you..?
MORDAUNT <enters>: Hello, Gavin.
MAY: What's Penny doing here?
MAY: You leaked, Gavin.
WILLIAMSON: I didn't! I didn't!
MAY: Time to go, Gavin.
WILLIAMSON: But who will replace..? Oh no, not Penny. You can't! She's... she's a...
MORDAUNT: ...serving naval officer?
MAY: Take him away, Penny.
WILLIAMSON: I'm innocent! You can't do this!
HAMMOND: <whistles>
STEPHEN: Why are you so happy?
HAMMOND: Hmm? No reason
STEPHEN: Phil!
HAMMOND: What?! I can't be happy?

<outside>

WILLIAMSON: I'm innocent! I'M INNOCENT!
MORDAUNT: Come on now! Don't make a fuss!

STEPHEN: Is that Gavin being dragged away?!
HAMMOND: Yup!
STEPHEN: Phil... what did you do?!
HAMMOND: Me?! Nothing, honest. Huh. Cool. Tickets to China are really cheap at the moment.
STEPHEN: Phil...
WILLIAMSON <interrupts>: Thank God. Guys you have to hide me! I managed to escape but Penny’s right behind me!
STEPHEN: What did you do?!
WILLIAMSON: Nothing! I'm innocent!
HAMMOND: Sure
WILLIAMSON: You have to believe me. PLEASE hide me!
STEPHEN: Gah. Under the desk. Quick

<2mins later>

MORDAUNT: You two seen Gavin?
HAMMOND: Under the desk
MORDAUNT: Cheers
STEPHEN: Phil!
HAMMOND: What?
WILLIAMSON: I'm innocent!
MORDAUNT: Stop struggling
WILLIAMSON: Stephen! Phil! Save my Ultragavines! Don't let Penny touch them! She won't play them properly! She won't..!

<door slams>

HAMMOND: What the FUCK is an Ultragavine?!
STEPHEN: His custom Warhammer army
HAMMOND: Christ
Like these? YAY! Then back/buy the book! unbound.com/books/the-brex…

And you can read more online starting waaaaay back here:

Or you can read Gavin's submarine-naming adventures here:
UPDATE! UPDATE!

The Rogal Dorn saga now reaches its heartbreaking conclusion here:

Missing some Tweet in this thread?
You can try to force a refresh.

Like this thread? Get email updates or save it to PDF!

Subscribe to John Bull
Profile picture

Get real-time email alerts when new unrolls are available from this author!

This content may be removed anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime, convert it as a PDF, save and print for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video

1) Follow Thread Reader App on Twitter so you can easily mention us!

2) Go to a Twitter thread (series of Tweets by the same owner) and mention us with a keyword "unroll" @threadreaderapp unroll

You can practice here first or read more on our help page!

More from @garius see all

Profile picture
John Bull
@garius
MORDAUNT: Okay. So I've looked at the list of names for the new submarine. I have question.
FIRST LORD: Oh no...
MORDAUNT: Why is there an appendix on naming submarines after... what does it say here... 'Space Marines'
FIRST LORD: Ah. So, Minister, have you heard of Rogal Dorn?
MORDAUNT: 'Royal Dawn'?
FIRST LORD: No, Rogal Dorn
MORDAUNT: What's a Rogal Dorn?
FIRST LORD: So apparently, he's a hero of the Imperium
MORDAUNT: The British Empire?
FIRST LORD: No the Imperium of Man.
MORDAUNT: I am BEYOND lost here.
FIRST LORD: Okay, let me explain.
FIRST LORD: So in Warhammer 40k, set in space in the future
MORDAUNT: So... Science Fiction?
FIRST LORD: No, apparently not. Gavin was very insistent on this
MORDAUNT: Oh God, OF COURSE this is a Gavin thing
FIRST LORD: Anyway, so Rogal Dorn was Primarch of the Imperial Fists
Read 9 tweets
Profile picture
John Bull
@garius
ME: Hey Adobe, can you maybe stop pretending Fireworks doesn't exist?
ADOBE:
ME: Okay then, what about AT LEAST stopping Photoshop from constantly crashing?
ADOBE:
ME: What..? I'm not... okay look. What about sorting out your tutorials at least, so they actually use screenshots from the latest versions of Creative Suite?
ADOBE:
Read 12 tweets
Profile picture
John Bull
@garius
In a lot of cases Brexit (and soft Toryism) is a quest founded on love. It's grandparents TRYING to build a better future for their grandkids by returning the world to what they remember

But that world doesn't - and can't - exist anymore. The battle is to make them realise that.
You don't beat that view by REJECTING what they see as an act of kindness. That's like being ungrateful at being offered a wedding present you don't like.

It's about doing what that grandson did - finding a better way to say:

"Thank you for caring, but please don't."
This is also why the VERY BEST THING that Pro-remain parties can do in the EU elections (and ANY new referendum) is focus on:

1) Getting the youth vote OUT
2) Finding ways to HELP that youth vote make their parents/grandparents trust them when they say 'don't do this please'.
Read 4 tweets

Related threads

Profile picture
Richard James
@RichJamesBits
I have reached a whole new level of #PISSEDOFF.

I didnt think such a #dark and #scary state, or level, could be reached. It may top 12-14-17's causation. It's. That. Bad. So, I've prepared a statement...

docs.google.com/document/d/1_J…

#PascoSheriff #HaveYouAllNoShame @CigarCityBeer
Dear @FBI,
I must implore you ask your colleauges in @FBITampa to help research this new level of #PISSEDOFFNESS. As locals, they may offer a special indepth knowledge of this new level I have reached. This is not fair & law enforcement must #investigate. No one deserves this.
This is my #apogee of #Pissedoffness.
If #motherfuckers & #tears werent a noticable level.
If #HUSH or #INTIMIDATION tactics being deployed didnt strike a chord.
If #EVIDENCE, PROOF, or 30k Bonds didnt #WOW YOU.
If posting mom with no shred of investigatable value wasnt enough...
Read 463 tweets
Profile picture
Matthew J. Becker 🌟🌟🌟
@MadAddictSport
#See Huawei Poland: @Avery1776
@BenKTallmadge @CarrollQuigley1
jamestown.org/program/arrest…
usnews.com/news/articles/…
A great read:

nytimes.com/2013/11/23/us/…
Read 3 tweets
Profile picture
Stacy McGaugh
@DudeDarkmatter
Dark Matter Hunters Pivot After Years of Failed Searches - WIRED

“Pivot” is an interesting choice of words. Sorta implies that one is pivoting from one thing (WIMPS) to something else. In which case the “something else” needs to be specified. apple.news/AfFMHcOI9QlK8e…
The whole dark matter search community reminds me of Daffy Duck in the episode quoted from IMDb here. [shockingly, I do not instantly find a gif of Daffy falling off said cliff.]
Reading this article does not inspire confidence. Sounds more like they’re poised to make the same mistakes all over again. Having spent decades in a fruitless search for WIMPs motivated by the WIMP miracle - an irrelevant numerical coincidence - might they decide to learn more?
Read 22 tweets
Profile picture
Ed Solomon
@ed_solomon
Yes - in the most surfacey way: the spec script for "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" was submitted to a production company. But in truth, that script (which was rejected by my then-agents) wouldn't have even existed were it not for a string of so-called "failures." 1/
In that way, the actual "beginning" of my film career started 4 years before - in all the failures leading UP to Bill&Ted. In fact, had any of those junctures gone the other way, I think I'd've ended up worse. This may be a bit long; sorry for that. But here's what I mean: 2/
A failed evening at the Comedy Store open mic led me to sell off my jokes, which led me to a series of comedians buying material, which led to the confidence to try performing again, which led to meeting Garry Shandling, with whom I started writing regularly. 3/
Read 14 tweets
Profile picture
Simon Brooke 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇪🇺
@simon_brooke
OK, look, sometimes people mess up. We all have times when we mess up. We all have times when we make two or three bad errors in succession. We're human. #1/23
The @newsundayherald is one of the important institutions of Scotland's news media. Admittedly it's less important now as our new media develops, but it was a big win for #Yes when, in 2014, it nailed our colours to its mast. #2/23
However, there's two aspects to that decision: yes, @newsundayherald's decision to come on board helped the #Yes movement, but the #Yes movement repaid that with a substantial boost in sales for the @newsundayherald. #3/23
Read 23 tweets
Profile picture
Northern Resistance
@MCJeffry
Overheard at Mar-a-lago

45: "So, agent L (I only use that cuz A thru K are taken) How is operation #BlockedByChiefCofveve coming along"

L: "Not great sir, some kid up north in his mom's basement blew it wide open"

45: "NOT GOOD L NOT GOOD. Sooo, U wanna pee on my bed?"
Overheard at Mar-a-lago

45-Agent L, sit on my bed

L-Sir it's soaking wet

45-Right, well join me in the bathroom then, it's safe I had it swept for Transgenders

L-You know statistically speaking sir, women are more likely to be raped in the bathroom by YOU than a transgender
45 - So tell me how is the clean up of Operation Blocklist going

L - Office cleaned out, computers wiped and Pee taped has been moved

45 - And Chief Confetti?

L - Taken care of sir

45 - The whole department

L - Yes sir, all 400 members of the Chief Confetti dept neutralized
Read 47 tweets

Trending hashtags

#request #COURTHOUSE #LIVEPD #PS #CHEERS #RHETORICAL #MoveToPasco #Williamson #GAF #Brennan #protection #FBI #tears #Shadowbannned #CONSPIRACY #dumb #chumpchange #9PMRoutine #JustOdd #lying #Part1 #Classic #LOL #FACT #dirtyjudges
Follow Us on Twitter!

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just three indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3.00/month or $30.00/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!