, 8 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
First Mother's Day without my beloved Hawkmom. I miss you, you crazy wiseass.
I may have mentioned it before, but Hawkmom was the antithesis of Carol Brady; always ready to shock the other farm moms (and my friends) with her vast inventory of filthy jokes. She could embarrass the hell out of you, but it just made her more endearing.
One of my favorite Hawkmom stories is when we went to Disneyland when I was 11. Every time Dad would have us pose for pictures with one of the characters, Mom would tell the character "keep your hands off my ass"
I often wonder if we were the only kids in Iowa whose mom kissed Donald Duck and then told him "you're not getting to second base"
Having friends for a sleepover was something; Mom would have my friends doubled over in astonished laughter while I was paralyzed from the neck up in a cringe. And don't get me started on bringing a girlfriend to the house
Before I took my then-fiancee home to meet my parents, I had to prepare her with a 4-hour intensive Hawkmom briefing session, include escape signals and routes
But the other aspect to her wisecracking sailor mouth was her bigger-than-life heart. She loved everybody, and everybody learned to love her back. The world is a dimmer place for losing her, and I will miss her the rest of my days.
One of those notorious pictures. I think she may actually be grabbing the Big Bad Wolf's ass
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