Thread by @evan_greer

Brands during Pride month:

🌈 Exxon: no matter who you love, we’ll make sure your children don’t have a livable planet

🌈 Amazon: we treat all of our warehouse workers like dirt, regardless of their sexual orientation

🌈 Raytheon: our tomahawk missiles don’t discriminate

🌈 Bank of America: when we foreclose on your home because you can’t afford the interest on the predatory loan we gave you, you can be sure it has nothing to do with your gender identity or expression

🌈 Apple: our CEO is gay please don’t ask us about the iPhone factories

🌈 Burger King: we have sassy tweets. Gays like sassy things right? Do gays like factory farms? We hope so.

🌈 Facebook: check out our new pride emoji! Now you can show your support for the LGBTQ community while we harvest the most intimate details of your lives to target ads

🌈 Wal-Mart: the anti-union brainwashing video we require our employees to watch features an actor who was once roommates with a real live bisexual

🌈 Starbucks: we have made a generous contribution to a charity that serves the queer people who used to live here

🌈 Subaru: ...

🌈 Target: we have a whole section of rainbow themed clothing made in the world's most LGBTQ friendly sweatshops

🌈 Spotify: check out this awesome playlist of queer and gender nonconforming artists who are getting paid fractions of pennies per stream!

🌈 Pepsi: we luv gay cops

🌈 JetBlue: our creepy facial recognition boarding program gives your biometric data to border patrol and can't recognize trans people but we sponsored your local pride parade's main stage

🌈 Phillip Morris: no seriously guys thank you so much for keeping us in business

🌈 Verizon: we’ve spent millions lobbying to kill internet privacy so soon everyone will be out of the closet

🌈 HBO: Ser Brianne, eh?? Ehhh????

🌈 Coca Cola: today we are making a commitment that we will only hire death squads in Colombia that meet our LGBT friendly standards

🌈 New York Times: our editorial board firmly supports the rights of LGBTQ people to get married by the state and participate in imperialist wars, anywho here's another op-ed about how trans women are trash

🌈 Netflix: we brought back Queer Eye plz don't be mad about @sense8

🌈 Wendy's: we had a funny tweet about Ru Paul's Drag Race so you can tell our familiarity with queer culture runs deep

🌈 Google: in the privacy-free, artificial intelligence run dystopian future we are building we will all be subjugated by genderless robots. Progress!

🌈 Rolling Stone: check out this cool list of 10 trans and nonbinary artists who we will go back to not covering next week

🌈 CVS: we sell condoms and lube so don't @ us about lobbying against minimum wage increases

🌈 Microsoft: yes we have a contract with ICE and trans women keep dying in their custody but have you ever noticed how our logo looks sort of like a rainbow flag?