CAT DRAMA: This orange moron, one of our three cats, has been missing for 36 hours. Wife put out a missing kitty alert on Facebook (1/n) 
People were, apparently, talking about the Ingrahams’ missing cat at one of the local bars today
One of the bar regulars, an octogenarian named Larry, overhears the conversation. “Huh,” he says, “I got woken up at 3 AM by some wild animal knocking shit over in my house.”
He cornered the animal in his bedroom, where he found it trying to claw its way out of a window. Looked like “a golden cat,” he says. Mind you this is at 3 AM, and this is a guy who usually wakes up at 4 to go stock shelves at the local grocer’s.
The animal ran off and his in his house, however. After an hour of dicking around and failing to catch it, Larry says “fuck it, I’ve gotta get to work.” He leaves, with the mystery animal still in his house.
Later at the bar he puts two and two together, and comes down to our place to let us know. I trudge up the hill to Larry’s house, with three sub-five-year-old kids in tow because the wife is an hour away picking up her new eyeglasses
Larry won’t let us in the house. “I don’t let anybody in my house,” he says. Fine, he’s 80, still working, very nice dude, everyone in town loves him, he can live however the fuck he wants. We stand at the door and call for Ella. Ella doesn’t come.
(ella’s a complete fucking idiot, btw)
Whenever Ella disappears I always joke about how I hope he got hit by a car. He’s also a he, which whatever, when they’re kittens it’s impossible to tell
Anyway the mystery “golden cat” which we *believe* to be Ella is still in Larry’s house as of this moment, has probably pooped and peed all over the place, Larry got some cat food to lure it out and says if he sees the animal again he’ll call me but the situation is still fluid
I just also want to point out that Larry is the kind of guy who departs for work with an *unknown but clearly destructive animal running loose in his house*
So I just went up there again? Larry says he’s seen no sign of a cat or other animal since getting home from work/the bar
As I read this there are only four possible outcomes:
1. My dumb cat was in his house and has since escaped
2. My dumb cat was in his house and has decided to live there
3. An unknown animal was in Larry’s house
4. Larry hallucinated the whole thing.
1. My dumb cat was in his house and has since escaped
2. My dumb cat was in his house and has decided to live there
3. An unknown animal was in Larry’s house
4. Larry hallucinated the whole thing.
Just received word that a different neighbor allegedly spotted Ella in the vicinity of another neighbor’s house this morning, starting to wonder how deep this rabbit hole goes
Oh shit Larry says he’s “figured it out” and will stop by in 10 mins. I have absolutely no idea what “figured it out” implies but my mind is racing
Still no word from Larry, no idea what's going on? To be clear: I have no idea if this thread has a happy ending, or any ending at all!
I can sort of see Larry’s house from our porch but nothing up there suggests cat shenanigans in one way or another. God I hope Larry didn’t hurt himself trying to extricate Ella from some idiotic predicament
The thing is, Larry is very laid back. And it's easy to imagine the cat holed up under a bed and refusing to come out, and Larry just being like "well ok, we'll try again tomorrow," and calling it a night.
lmao ok I just went up there again, Larry has no new info he had just been responding to my wife’s old FB post? He has not heard or seen the cat but has left food out and will report in the morning.
Either the cat is *gone* or else being a huge asshole and quietly making himself at home, idk what to say at this point. If he were hurt or stuck in the house he’s not the type of cat to be quiet about it
lmao just got a phone call - stand by for cat news
The nerve of this asshole. He was, indeed, holed up under Larry’s bed and only decided to emerge after lights out
I brought him home and of course he immediately makes a bee-line for the other cats’ food, no acknowledgement of the town-wide crisis he’s caused
Already back at the door, yowling to be let out again. Incorrigible.
Quick shot of the fur-terrorist at rest this morning
FYI this is Larry, just so you have a picture in your head. I didn’t snap any pics last night bc he was half naked went I went to get the cat
